Monday, April 14, 2014

So that's how we started something...

I was lazily skimming through blogs today, instead of dutifully replying comments...
And I happened on some conversations and comments that are now five, six year old on some blogs...

For a second, the reality of how we have grown through these years dawned on me.
How some of us have unconsciously been a part of each other's journeys...

Five, six, seven years down the line...
From one post to the next, unintentionally wading along through life together...
Shared frustrations, excitements, pains...celebrations...

*The strength in short words, brief comments, epistled replies, the banter and the 'off cursors-check-ups...*
It's funny how life has happened...and still happens here in this unofficial and uncoordinated space, without anybody realizing...

For a second,  it dawned on me how maybe we started something here...

That whilst some moaned about 'good ole days gone',
We were creating our own generation of 'good times'.
This unintentional generation of 'now greying newbies'...
Conceived somewhere in between when moldy veterans dropped off,
and those who picked up cursors from those 2009'ish blogging years.

A right blend of that old time quirk, infused with that kick of youth..
Into fine personal-type blogging.

I like it.
I like that I'm a part of that new generation,  with a quickly blossoming history...
I like that I know a bunch of these folks by name, handle, and by the unpretentiousness in-between those five, six, seven years of shared existences.

I don't want to list names,  because I will obviously miss out on a few,
So yeah, if we ever shared any conversation or comment that is now five years old...
It's been real folks...
and i think it's worth being proud of.

I find it amusing when I visit a blog and find my comments and conversations from six years ago...
I doubt there is any such beauty in 'ghosting'.

This is a random and meaningless post... but yeah...I should be getting back to those comments...alas sleep beckons....

Monday, March 31, 2014

it's not about race...?

Father said I'll do well in New York.

'You'll contend with the best of them and soar high with this mind of yours...
But you may only go so far
until you reach glass ceilings.

When they shut the door in your face the second time, don't waste a moment, just come back home T.N....

Just come back home....'

Father's words echoed in my ears all through today as I started lifeless into my work station...

Your technical skills are undoubtedly remarkable, but we think Gareth is a more suitable fit....

Would somebody please remind me what I am doing in this place?

Race is not the issue...that's what I've always said to myself every morning, until today....

Today I conceded to defeated thoughts about returning home.

Sunday, March 30, 2014

#Catching Feelings...and The 14 for 14 Challenge: The T.Notes' Blog Sniffer alerts - (JdB's Zone)

March Review:

I have recently stumbled on JdB's blog, (which is my march review for the 14-for-14 challenge), and his blog fondly got me reminiscing about that 80's t.v show #Wonder yearsJdB's blog is a form of diarised reflections about his own #wonder years of growing up and navigating the often confusing terrains of youth. His train of thoughts easily depict the typical Nigerian youth, so it's easy to recognize his experiences and follow through without getting lost. I like that his blog does not assume to be your Dalai Lama guide to eternal fulfilment, but instead prompts you to recall and draw useful insight from your own forgotten experiences such as cringy teenage crushes or about....
Catching Feelings...#CF.

I never liked that phrase 'Catching Feelings'. Maybe because the imagery that quickly comes to mind is...a self obsessed girl of reasonable allurement...delivering a corky warning to some hapless young man who has grown comfortable with his interractions with her. She would be smacking chewing gum noisily, with a small grin teasing the side of her lips and squeal...
"Don't tell me you're catching feelings for me?!"

#In situations like this, I always feel deeply sorry for the person on the receiving end of that coffin-nailing statement. Because the state of #CF is a torturous place to be in. Wild emotions that gun straight for your soul and puts down anchor to the most vulnerable artery of your already sensitive heart. Making you become a self-professed poet of sorts, talking deep gibberish about how her presence carries eternal rays of sunshine that makes your heart dance...and the most troubling part being that, you truly mean every single word.

#CF is like a beautifully wretched sickness with no easy cure, except to allow the virus run its due course through your system; ravage every shred of common sense within you and reduce you to a worm of a person. Do you remember...dissecting every interaction with that person, and sifting through every conversation in an unending desperate search for reciprocated affection. And the build-up to that eventful moment when you finally build up the courage to have that weighty "conversation". When subservient and senseless, you hand over the last bit of your self esteem, and confess to someone that....

#I'm going crazy crazy, just thinking about you babay...(cue some throwback K-Ci & JoJo).
 And how her response changed everything....

Thanks to JdB's blog, i cringed today with a chuckle as i vividly recalled being in this situation and can properly conclude that when you truly catch feelings, you are done for...a proper #Gobe situation indeed.

P.S: If you find yourself  drowing in #CF, a useful tip is found in...Counting ten blue-eyed Bambi(s) before indulging any sort of emotional response.

So, You should check out JdB's blog and drop a friendly comment for the following reasons:

1. The fact that one of his random posts inspired this quickie: #Catching Feelings.
2. The fact that i can count on one hand the number of guy-blogs herein on blogger and somedays it's like walking around a lingerie departmental store in here.

Intro: The 14-for-14 challange by Janyl. (Click here to familiarize yourelf with the '14 for 14 challenge'). I recently accepted this challenge to go on a quest searching for brand new blogs...with the bull-headed conviction that all creativty is not lost within the nigeria-blogsphere. And also desperate to prove that, contrary to recently popular opinion, not all of the new blog pages are uninteresting (to put it mildly). This is my fourth post into that journey.

Sunday, March 23, 2014

...about falling in love, fancy models, and all that 'ish.

I have a 2am idea...

I was up late last night building an amazing Pricing model - a very impressive work of art, if I dare say so.
Somewhere in the middle of all that headache,  I had an idea about falling in love.
Don't ask me about the correlation between love and financial markets,
Because I bet you I can build you a model on that too.

Anyways, in summary, a pricing model is a fancy algorithm that predicts prices in the financial markets.
The main building block of a model are what we call 'factors'.
So,  you throw in a bunch of hopefully 'relevant factors', fit a statistical curve and if you've done your maths right, your model should be a fairly accurate tool for predicting the future.
Now you can go into the world and make some money.

I think falling in love is a lot like building a pricing model.
And I think the best time to build your model is when you are young,  naive and fairly inexperienced.
Here's my simple reason why:
Too many factors in your model spoil its accuracy.

When I was young, my formular for love was simple - emotional connection,  faith, and fair looks.
Those were the simple building blocks on which I predicted the future of my relationship.
And thinking about it today,  it was more than enough.
The older and wiser we get, the more complicated the whole thing becomes.
Until you are staying up till stupid hours, with a confusion induced headache,  wondering about choices and randomly testing three thousand and forty odd factors in a gambling space of mathematical probabilities.

Here's what it looks like:

She is so witty, i could listen to her talk all night whilst i get lost staring into those baby blues...
Sounds like a good factor, so you frantically hurry back to your model and...#Fit, Test, Fail!
Gosh I love his self confidence,  the way his voice commands attention and his charm, ooh, his charm..
That should be a good factor too...Quick, quick, #Fit, Test, Fail!
You get my drift...

I think many people are like me in that lone office space at 2am,
Staring with eccentric hope at an inanimate computer screen
With a bunch of daft factors scattered about our lives
Making the same frantic mistake over and over again
Fit, test, fail, Fit, test, fail...arghhhh, somebody just make it work!

So, three billion people on the face of your planet, multiply that by a sample space of forty odd factors per person.
Your assignment - choose and fit your best 'factors' and pick one person!
Even for the best model builders, it's a fool's errand nightmare!
And I doubt God intended the whole process to be that complicated.

Hence, as i wrapped up my own modelling exercise, I concluded that, in effect the formular is simple:
#Less is more, and that's just ok.

So here's my uncomplicated conclusion:
Choose your best and three easiest factors.
E.g, emotional connection,  faith, and fair looks.
Fit your curve, allow yourself fall in love, leave the rest to fate and #get out of the office!

It is afterall, a game of chance, good fortune and mathematical probabilities.

Some toast to #GettingItRight.

Sunday, March 9, 2014

Ten blue-eyed Bambi(s)

I met Bambi whilst watching waterfalls on the coast of Amalfi.
A spunky 'teenage tour guide who dared remind me of myself...
'He wondered about my adult fascination with crashing waters,
and I told him how they remind me of my emotions,
wild and often without seeming control.

Bambi found us a vantage 'seat right under a thousand meters of cascading waters.
His only reply was a short hum of an old TLC song,
the one admonishing fools who use up precious life chasing after waterfalls.
I understood the pun but proceeded to enlighten his naivety.

I told him how life had endowed some of us with excessive portions of human
We would love to heights of kilimanjaro,
then spiral to the depths of meaningless depression in the same single breathe -
Riding every wave of emotional high like a fool - none the wiser even with every let down.

Bambi misunderstood all of the symbolism in my tirade, 
Diverting instead with a brief response,
of how he'd once fallen in love with a local beauty...
Some girl that caused his heart to flutter every time she sauntered by...
He said he'd found his feelings to be like a reckless woman
that whispered wretched desires in his ears
only to leave you with nothing, except wispy nothingness.

I like the idea of being able to divert emotions at will,
but i wonder about being able to divert what ought to be natural, like majestic waterfalls.

I love waterfalls, just as much as I loathe the often chaotic confusion of my emotional state of mind.
But lately I am finding that even though the beauty of waterfalls
lies in the majesty of her unrestrained and unending free fall,
However, for psychological wellbeing,
one must find a tap-screw somewhere within our jagged crevices
to turn off our feelings and control its...splendid chaos once in a while.

If all else fails...
Count ten blue-eyed Bambi(s) before indulging any sort of emotional response.

This is a T.Note.

Thursday, February 27, 2014

The 14 for 14 Challenge: The T.Notes' Blog Sniffer alerts - Nazzy's soundless voice


This is where i admit that finding new bloggers particularly herein on blogger can be likened to "finding a fart in a sandstorm".

I have typically low attention span, an annoying penchant for fine syntax, a stupid fetish for words and phrases that slide fluidly into each other, like a certain silk-laced pink chemise hanging loose after a few naughty glasses, and stolen chardonnay kisses with intermitent drunken laughter on a random London night...

Nazzy's soundless voice is a relatively new page i've been reading lately. I found her blog via the comment sections on freaksho's blog. In my opinion, anybody who comments on freaksho has an idea of the minimum requirements of a good blog, like an uncommon novel that captivates your attention, perched infront of a roaring fireplace, with a certain pair of long pale legs across your midsection, the kind of eternal moments of which holidays are made of, and of which our Nigerian parents are quick to forbid....

What are your thoughts on interracial relationships? Yay or nay?

The stark reality of good blogging is that, it takes an awful lot of effort to creatively weave your thoughts into a good post. Infact the best posts are often borne out of quiet late night hours which get harder to sacrifice - as we all know. And it's a co-dependent cycle of writers and readers, i.e bloggers often write for like-minded bloggers. Heaven forbid one solitary good blogger stuck in a lone nightmare of tabloid pages and unfeeling religious diaries...#shivers.

What are your thoughts on this new wave of 'every blog is a celebrity newsfeed'?

I like to think that my 14 for 14 Challenge is a noble contribution to the longetivity of this blogsvilla. Plus, it takes some pretty good effort to find these blogs! So after all my blabbing is said and done, you need to click here, visit Nazzy's page, drop a friendly hello, and maybe even do the unthinkable - i.e, follow the blog?!!!

After all is done and done, you need the next blogger as much as the next blogger needs you. actual defination of a new blog are blogs under a year old, but once in a while, for inclusion sake, i might just drop a lazy T.Note for the slightly older blogs. And since i am well familiar with all the faces behind those blogs, i think i might just do a comical diss and review session for those ones - after a few tipsy glasses to locate my funny bones!

Okie doks, that's my February 14 for 14 Challenge all sorted, now back to the bee'z-nizz!


Intro: The 14-for-14 challange by Janyl. (Click here to familiarize yourelf with the '14 for 14 challenge')

I recently accepted this challenge to go on a quest searching for brand new blogs...with the bull-headed conviction that all creativty is not lost within the nigeria-blogsphere. And also desperate to prove that, contrary to recently popular opinion, not all of the new blog pages are uninteresting (to put it mildly). This is my second post as regards that journey.

Monday, February 3, 2014

My life on a chess board

I love the Financial markets in NY.
Especially the analysts who sit behind the scenes, making the magic happen.
I like to imagine that we are like some covert high intelligence squad,
recruited to anticipate a million market activity scenerios and work out how our clients should react in real time.

If obama sneezes,  we know how that seemingly insignificant action  will affect Microsoft prices,
And we react immediately, like bham!

But here's the problem point, according to my doctor:

You need to be able to disengage financial markets from real life!
You play your life like an unnecessarily complicated chess board!
You expect that everybody is involved in a high stake gamble which you compulsorily feel the need to win.

So you read in between every idle word,
Analyze every meaningless intention,
You give people's intelligence far more credibility than is required!
When infact,  people are just...very simple people.
Often without formular, or trendlines,
They are just...people being people.

But nothing is random with you.
So your brain is on overdrive 120% of the time.

Once in a while,  you need go into your mind and shut down your overactive imagination.
Just shut it down like an overworked industrial machine
and let there be utter silence in your mind.
Otherwise, i promise you,  you're going to end up as a fruit cake one day.

I never really liked the guy.
His checkered purple shoe laces never match his belt.
And the way he tinkers with his belt buckle suggest some level of sexual frustration
which isn't healthy for his age anyways.
Dude might bucker up under a ditsy twenty year old and cheap viagra someday.

Telling me I overanalyze everything!
You should grow up in Nig. and don't over analyze - see how long you'll survive!

If his life was a stock option, I wouldn't bet half of my dog's lunch on his prospects.
And I think HR is wasting company money on all these stupid monday
lunch times sessions.

Briefly moving on....where my Ghanain folks at! Deenta, N&Lee, Kojo - I see you doing that church clap biz in there!...This has been my office 'boss-mode' theme song this week. And gosh, i love being black!

Ever feel like you worry too much and then worry about how you worry too much about worrying in the first place?
Strengths that are annoying weaknesses all at the same time.....