Thursday, July 29, 2010

Songs about Jane: Speed writing till I scream

Like the desert needs the rain…Then I digress.



I woke up feeling like the lead actor on the set of a Hollywood romcom (romantic comedy). Saturday morning, and the sun was winking hello through my windows overhead. I had no plans for the day, none of the dately Lagos engagements, no weekend meetings, so I could stretch out in this lushness for as long as my body demanded. And stretching out next to me was the better part of the deal. There’s truly something about waking up next to a beautiful woman. I leaned over an idyllic elbow to appreciate the wonder of my woman’s near naked body.

She’s tall and slender like me, and she was wearing my favorite purple lace underwear. I bit my lip as I followed through her subtle curves all the way down to her butt checks strutting out proudly a little beneath. Supple, clean skin- I swear a woman with impeccable hygiene standards should be honored above most. Ask a man what he wouldn’t do for or to her. (How I’ve been celibate for four years now is still totally beyond me.) She’s got cute breasts, which in the hay days used to drive me nuts as I remember once fervently praying them just a wee bit plumier. But in my matureness, I consider them the feat of her anatomic artistry. They remind me of a double pack of exotic cupcakes with the proudest and roundest currant dropped right in the middle. Well of course you can imagine that over the years I’ve grown an affinity for cupcakes. *Bite me*

Literal paper mold remains from chocolate royal cupcakes and blue bunny ice-cream did litter the foot of the bed just beneath the flat screen where we’d pitched cozy tent for our regular Friday night movies. She stirred and observed with an open eye that I’d been indulging early morning eye candies and daydreaming thereof. “We should get you a rubber for your roaming mind”, she murmured with a smile. Gosh I love her wit! I spanked fleshy cuppycakes as I leaned over her-turgid beneath-, “Don’t tease”. and planted a small kiss-just like in the movies then got off the bed and into the notional arms of my blinking laptop.

I could have sworn I heard God’s big toe tip tapping to Louis Armstrong’s “What a wonderful Life” as I keyed in my intro:

“Songs about Jane: Speed writing till I scream…”


Another day...Hope sometimes is painful.

How to serve a woman a dose of literal thrill (2)...whatever.




I really can barely concentrate…
My mind’s a whirlpool…
My stomach’s all up in knots…
I’m behind on my work deliverables…
But all that just don’t matter for now. Maybe I’m selfish, maybe I just suck at dealing with stress…
Maybe I’ll digress, write again to ease my soul….

P.S, 1st Part Here.

The urgent strike on the front door is repeated with more urgent intensity. Jagun slams his weight against the wooden doors and rams the bolts into place.

Jagun: (Mutters) Fuck.
Voice on other side of the door: Open this door, I’m your darn Calvary!
Jagun: (With matching authority) Who are you?
Officer: Sergeant Samkoro. I saw the whole thing. The mob will be here in less than ten minutes. I'ts not going to be a pretty sight.
Jagun: (Mutters) Who can you fucking trust in the Nigerian Police force?
He starts to open the door, but Temi rushes to him-she’s now frantic, and stops him. He eases her away, opens the door slowly to allow the mouth of the shotgun tip first at the newcomer. The officer in turn jerks the weapon aside, rushes in and slams the door shut, bolting it back into place.

Office (with urgency): You’re all dead meat. Do you have a back exit and does any street cut out of this close?
Jagun: No. It’s a dead end here. The only way out is through the front door, down the same main road. Can you tell me what is going on here!
Officer: (Motions briefly at Temi who’s now crouched in a corner by the wall whimpering) Your wife here is a mad woman. But that is besides the point. There must be over a hundred bikes racing down here as we speak, and a truck carrying the carcass of the body she dismembered. There’s also rubber tyres and petrol; it’s going to be jungle justice.
Jagun: Not if I have anything to say about it. You got a weapon?
Officer (hoisting out a small worn out pistol): You want to shoot your way through a hundred area boys and agberos?
Jagun: (Moving about the small house sealing all windows) I’ll shoot through a thousand of them to keep my family alive.
Officer: (Following after Jagun) What in heaven have I gotten myself into now? Listen, the best we can do right now is negotiate our way into a police station. My Quarters is on the next street. We’ll get her police protection whilst we work the mess into a court of law. It’ll stall time.
Jagun: Safe that talk for another time. Here’s my plan. My wife and my five year old kid, we’re getting them to my office in Parkview tonight-we’ve got immigration papers there. They’re boarding the next available flight to Britain.
Officer: (Urgently) Are you not listening to me?! There’s no way we can get past those thugs heading here. Can you hear the bikes now?
Jagun: I’ll kill the whole lot if I have to.
(Turns briefly to Temi) Baby, listen to me. Go stay with Semi in her room. When I call for you, you both come out. Till then, stay put!
Temi nods weakly and rushes into the room. Simultaneously, the sound of the entrance gate being pounded into reverberates through the house.
Officer: (Laughing) Are you certain where you’re headed to when you die? Now might be the time to redeem your soul.
Jagun: (Adjoining laugh) Not tonight cowboy, not tonight.

A large stone hurls through a glass and lands smack in the middle of the living room. Jagun crouches underneath the shattered window, positions his weapon, then leaps up and in a brief moment, fires a shot. A six foot broad shouldered man on the other side is thrown down with certain force. There’s a brief quiet on the outside, then the roar immediately intensifies with carnal angst.

Outside
Man: E sa na si!!!!(Light it up!!!)

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Randoms...me n my nerves.

Taco: Taco?
Jane: Fuck you.
Taco: Try it with some lettuce and tomatoes; it helps calms frayed nerves.
Jane (mutters): Stuff it up your ass.
Taco: Stuffing something up your ass, I would consider- if we persist like this much longer. I swear all of your spunk is turning me on one fifty degrees down there.
He moves close to trail a lecherous finger across her face.
Taco: What would you look like on all fours? Me slapping your hot behind, you screaming out my name, begging me to stop.
He leans close, his breath spewing into her face.
Taco: I can go at it all night till I’m sure you’re carrying my fertile seed. And I know your dumb faith will not make you see the sense in aborting it. What do you think, a love-to-hate keep sake replacement from the scumbag who fucked up your life.
She’s quiet.
Taco: We can make it all end more agreeably. Tell me what I need to know and I’ll walk away; you’d never see me again.
Jane: You might as well kill me then.
Taco: Nah. Not going to let off a martyr to go singing in the clouds. Jane, you’re pushing my patience.
He bites into a handful of taco with bits of it splattering about the place.
Jane: She’s only five years old.
Taco (Barks with sudden intensity): I don’t give a shit! You should have thought about that before feeding her my diamonds! I want my money and I want it now! Where the fuck is she?!And you know it doesn’t make any difference what happens here tonight. I’d still find her; she’d still be cut open and you’d still live with the blood on your hands.
Jane (Emotionally): I told you I didn’t do it on purpose! Give me more time and I’d pay you off.
He lets off a rabid scream simultaneously kicking a chair to the ground. Without warning, her grabs her face and rams a blow into it. She topples over hitting her head hard to the bare ground. The chair she’s strung to catches her fall in an akward position; She stifles a pained cry.
Taco: Don’t you understand that I don’t have time either! The sharks are breathing down my neck. In a few more days I’d be staring lifeless at seaweed if I don’t come up with the loot. And don’t think you’d be let off, because they’d come for you too. How the heck could you allow a child swallow fifty million Dollars?!
Jane: (with equal fervor): How can you live with yourself killing a five year old for money!
Taco: There are ways to get it done. I have a guy who’s skilled at it. He’s worked with smugglers for years; she’ll have a sixty percent chance of surviving. Its better than nought.
Jane: You’ll never find her; you might as well kill me.
Taco (wipes a straying bead of sweat and motions at his accomplice girlfriend): Untie her legs, tie her hands to the table. I’m fucking horny, I need release.
Meryl: You’re going to fuck her- right in front of me?
Taco: You can wait outside; I won’t be long.
Meryl (hisses) You’re despicable. And you know if not for the money, I’d have left you long time ago.
She moves to do his bidding. Jane muffles screams through her trying to resist Meryl’s handling. In the process, a childish scream is heard from within the house, coming from the inner rafters of the ceiling. All three quietten. Taco smiles.
Jane (with loud urgency) Baby run!!!!Leave the house now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, July 26, 2010

How to serve a woman a dose of literal thrill.

This one’s for all of my blogger peeps who are going thru some rough patches right now. You know yourselves. Much Love from T.Notes! See,I’m really a nice guy when you get to know me.
I dedicate to ya’ll my old time fav song by The Corrs: Though u stumble on tomorrow and trip over today, everything’s gonna turn out just fine. We’ll do fine! (Just you wait). And an especially dedicated shoutout n prayer to my homegirl,nifty neefemi and trusty YankeeNaija whom i'm praying hasn't given up on me entirely!

So, as for me, when my days are in such a mess, I roll up my sleeves, squelch up my eyebrows and do some intense thrill writing, such as this! Enjoy.

Midday Saturday.
House 43,Osborne Foreshore close.
Jagun, clad only in denim boxer shorts, is outside sweating away trimming off rough garden edges. He notices up ahead a 2005 toyota matrix lumbering haphazardly down the street towards him. He recognizes the car, drops the garden shears and moves close to intercept the incomer. The car parks with a sharp jam of brakes and his now delirious wife spills out from the driver’s sit. He observes with horrified expression the badly cracked windshield with thick blood splattered across the stained glass.

Jagun: (Mutters as he nears her) What-the-fuck?!
He rushes to catch her fall out of the car. She appears badly shaken up and near hysteric.
Jagun: (With urgent concern,looking her over) Baby…are you ok?
Temi: Yes…yes…I think so. But he isn’t….(breaks into tears) he isn’t ok at all Jagun, he isn’t! We need to leave; we need to get out of here before they get to us.
Jagun(Confused) : Who’s they?
Temi: They’re coming after me. With matchet and rubber tyres and petrol. Where’s Semilore; we need to get her and leave now.
She disentangles herself from his grip and hurried chaotically into the house. Jagun takes one last shocked look at the damaged car then hurried in after her.
Jagun (with take-charge demeanor) Baby, I need to know what happened! Was it an accident, if then, we need to contact the police immediately.
Temi: (Walks about the room without clear direction) Yes…No…Yes… No, it wasn’t an accident. I saw him up ahead and I hit full throttle. I didn’t stop until I was staring at his jacked up skull from the other side of my windscreen.
Jagun stifles an apparent gasp.
Temi: …Then he got thrown over the hood of the car, landed some meters behind me.
Jagun: (Weakly) But it was an accident, wasn’t it?
Temi: No. I reversed, had to ensure. So I ran over him a few times till I was sure, then I speed off. And then the mob picked chase. They’re coming after me baby, we need to leave now.
She hurries into the room calling out for her two year old daughter.
Jagun: (Follows after her) She’s sleeping, don’t wake her up.
He finally catches up with her and reins her in with a firm grasp.
Jagun: You seriously need to calm down so we can sort this out rationally!
Temi: (Looking about madly) Yes yes. I’ll need some anti-depresants. Do we have any-lexotan, valium?
Jagun: (Firmly)No! You can’t any of those right now; I need you to stay wide awake and alert.
Temi: Ok ok, that’s true. Then fuck me baby. You know how you do me good-standing up from the rear. A quick one-we still have some five minutes to spare.
She pulls in close,arching towards him.
There’s an urgent bang on the front door, causing the two to jerk towards the sounds. Temi, with wide eyes.
Temi: OOOOOH GOD JAGUN, DO SOMETHING!
Jagun releases her with exasperation, then rushes into the room and return just as soon wielding a shotgun and a smaller pistol. He corks the shotgun and marches to the window.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

My Absence ;-(



I'M SUCH A NERVOUS WRECK!!!AGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!
HENCE,I CANNOT BLOG,CANNOT WORK,CANNOT STUDY...N ALSO MY APOLOGIES TO MY OFF-BLOGGER CONTACTS WHOM I'VE SUBSEQUENTLY NOT BEEN ABLE TO CONTACT ESPECIALLY SINCE THEY MOSTLY KNOW THE CAUSE OF MY NERVES RIGHT NOW!!!In particular:
YankeeNaija
Nifty Neefemi!
Musco My Main Man!

CAN THIS CUP NOT JUST PASS OVER ME?!!!I NEED TO PLAN,NEED TO KNOW WHAT THE NEXT MONTH HOLDS,NEED TO KNOW IF I'M REGISTERING FOR MY NEXT DIET OF PRO.EXAMS,NEED TO REST MY FAITH ON A HUGE CHUNK OF ICECUBES!!!!

PEOPLE OF BUGGERVILLE,OYA E JE KA GBADURA FUN T.NOTES!!!!
LOL. Don't be fooled,in real life, my yoruba sucks...as in majorly sucks, its an embarrassment!!!

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Vuvuzelas For T.Notes Newbies!!!

This wee post welcomes aboard every T.notes newbie!Yayyyy You!!!!

How you found your way to this deranged end of blogsphere,i could possibly never figure out!
N what possessed you to hit that "follow" button is entirely beyond me!


But nonetheless,because T.Notes WestEnd Theater is all about the audience,we're ushering right to the upper gallery velvet VIP chairs (you wan try?!)where you'd find this little presentation below waiting for you!!!



So,watcha think uh? *wink*wink*!

Some of you i know before like:
The Ever Classy Cricket (you gotta love)!P.S, Pay me girl,for the free publicity!
N some i wish i could spy your face like ChinnyUgoji and Tayo Ojelade.
N others just plain out rock -just because i say so-, i.e TechnicoleurGrl,young grumbler et all!
Oh yeah,n there's naija homegirl sisiyemmie whom i don't think i've sent a welcome note b4??

If i no include your name abeg no crucify me!

In summary, NO BI MISTAKE SAY I DEY ROCK THIS GBEDU!!!


P.S. If you think that's my picture,somebody needs to get your head out from under the rock! NO BI MISTAKE OOOO,EEEEEHHHHH!!!!

P.S Again. I just had this amazzzzzing idea on writing!!!Pay me to share!

P.S Again Again. I need to update a real post!

Friday, July 9, 2010

Whispers...

Headphone Playing right now: Laureen Hill’s EX-Factor, Can’t take my eyes off you,…!!!!The Shizzle!!!!

Then I go off on a tangent….

TN: How old are you?
Dr I: Close to thirty.
TN (Nods): I’m fifty two, meaning I have surpassed your years of living by some thirty two. How much of life do you really think you can tutor me on?
Dr I (smiles): I have dedicated those seeming small years of mine to learning all there is to know about life. I’m certain I could let you in on a few- if you would let me in.
TN (Shifts slowly): Young ones. Were you around at the times of the war?
Dr: No. Was that a traumatic time for you?
TN: I was ten years old then. A ten year old huddled with his father, mother and two year old sister under a wooden table as bombs rained from the skies down onto our ramshackle villages. What were the odds that our then mud hut never got hit once?
Dr I: Some might say fate had other plans in store for you; you were not destined to die then. My job is to keep you alive another few years.
TN: The odds, If you’re unable to do the math, I will help you. Bombs dropped by the hour, say two every hour. They were strategic. You can model a poison distribution there and calculate the probability that an insignificant family would not be disintegrated in one day.
Dr I: I get your point.
TN: No you don’t. Life is like that sometimes, most times. The issues and the paining anxieties don’t let up. You’re done with one and just as soon, something else goes wrong. Makes you wonder if the ancient Greek pantheons aren’t still running things up there, having a field day testing just how much a man can take. How much can you take?
Dr I: I-
TN (Cuts her off): You loose your job, then somehow you survive- make it through, but before you’re done heaving a sigh of relief, you loose your child- the irony of what we’d give to take back what we lost. In the midst of your mourning, you sprain a bad knee, then you get a fat insurance reprieve, then something else goes wrong again. Missile after bomb after Missile, they were bent on wiping us out. It’s how they say, we wondered if God hadn’t tire of us.
Dr I: I understand.
TN: No you don’t. You don’t try to understand when life seeks to pull you apart and tear you down. You just hold on to your portion of that wooden table leg, dead quiet. Hoping that your muffled whimper would not attract the next air strike. How many tears have you cried in your days?
Dr I: We have all had our share of pain.
TN: Some more than the others. What if your next medical check up diagnosed you with cancer? Would your preppy skirts and cushy diagnosis still make any sense to you?
She’s quiet.
TN: Under that table…with my heart skipping a beat at the sound of every bomb that exploded, wondering if my friend Adjan’s hut hadn’t just been taken apart…the only consolation was within this.
He shows her his open palm.
TN: Circled in his, my father held my hands tight. Every now and then he would look my way, not say anything. He didn’t have to say a word, just be near, waiting under that table with me….waiting for life to either end or…
He stubbornly wipes a tear.
TN:Don’t diagnose me; don’t try to explain what I am going through. Don’t tell me you understand, don’t quote religious doctrines or another hopeful theme…If you are not God enough to turn the tyranny of my life’s tides, then just be there with me…wait with me…till this one bout of air strike is over. And if I cry, don’t be alarmed, tomorrow I promise I will be strong again….yes tomorrow.

She’s quiet, then drops her books and moves in close to reach out for his now frailing hands.

Silence.

Hope is…waiting for the Sun to shine again..someday…someday soon…Hope is.

9/7/10 n counting.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Soulcast is Gone?!!!WHAT?!!!Noooooooooooooooo!!!!



www.soulcast.com (the Don-Chi Chi of all blog sites) is now showing "500 - Internal Server Error!!!!"
News is all over catch22 (Boring Wannabe Sister blogg site) and they seem to be mocking about it!
Nooooooooooooooooo!!!!!
No No Nooooooooooooo!!!!!
What is going on here?!!!!This is a joke right?!!!


Oh,oops false alarm! Its on now!!!Tee hee!!!

That begs the question. It happened to windows live blogging site. System seemed to have gone overload and it got shut down. Millions lost their blogs n contacts. Hmmm, what if blogger crashed???

Just a Spoonful of Dildo...Sorry Dido! (T.Notes Rambles2)


See first part here.



Mary’s in India
It was just recently I was told that in this song, she was saying “Danny”, not “Daddy”. This was four years after I had overkilled the cd, and I was having my “OMG Moment”! It’s a sort of sad story of three people-two women and a man. Oh, I also love the fact that she uses matured people for her songs, makes moi feel involved. Ehmmm,it’s a little hard to reckon with Justin Biener these days!

Anyways, the story is, Danny was dating Mary, but Mary’s a free spirit so she leaves him and backpacks to India with no forewarning. Danny’s heartbroken and in the process turns to Dido –Mary’s friend for consolation. We get the impression which she doesn’t say expressly that consolation leads to something else, which in my opinion just serves Mary right!

Danny is lonely
Mary's in India now
She said she'd call but that was three weeks ago
She left all her things well, her books and her letters from him
But as the sun rises on Mary, it sets on him

Danny's not eating, he's drinking and sleeping
I saw him last night at party, he's definitely thin

Danny came over last night and I cooked for him
He talked about you Mary and how much we loved you still
He told me he's packed up your books and your letters and things
But as the sun sets on Mary, it's rising on him

And we danced, and we drank
And I've seen something you probably never got the chance to see
Don't worry, Mary
Cause I'm taking care of Danny
And he's taking care of me


I absolutely love the end!!!Its like Dido winks at Mary and says “don’t worry, I’m “taking” care of danny for you”!Question is, what exactly is taking care!!!
Sigh, this song resonated for me in the 90s. Sort of funny now that I reminisce. My very very good friend (Mary here) packed up and left without warning. I became the danny, and for me, ehmmm, Dido was her sister. Long story, which I choose not to tell incase she reads this page!!!!Do LDR’s really really ever work out??I have my doubts, at least from my experiences. Not that it isn’t possible, its just that…well, Mary’s all the way in India, India for heaven’s sake!!!

See the sun again
Wow. Can I even begin to talk about this??The title is explanatory enough. It was a bonus track on the life for rent album. If you haven’t heard it, rush to youtube now, or as we say in lasgidi, get ya copy nowww!!!
See the sun again is a song of hope. I have sang it for what, ten years now???I have sang it when I lay in bed physically sick, sang it in times of heart ache, sang it as I walked towards a killer exam hall, countless times I have included it into my gospel et motivational repertoire and therein encouraged myself. Need I say more but drop the full lyrics:

I'm comin' 'round to open the blinds
You can't hide here any longer
My God you need to rinse those puffy eyes
You can't last here any longer

And yes they'll ask you where you've been
And you'll have to tell them again and again

And you probably don't want to hear tomorrow's another day
Well I promise you you'll see the sun again
And you're asking me why pain's the only way to happiness
And I promise you you'll see the sun again

Come on take my hand
We're going for a walk, I know you can
You can wear anything as long as it's not black
Please don't mourn forever
She's (or it’s) not coming back

And yes they'll ask you where you've been
And you'll have to tell them again and again

And you probably don't want to hear tomorrow's another day
Well I promise you you'll see the sun again
And you're asking me why pain's the only way to happiness
And I promise you you'll see the sun again
And I promise you you'll see the sun again

Do you remember telling me you found the sweetest thing of all
You said one day this was worth dying for
So be thankful you knew her at all
But it's no more

And you probably don't want to hear tomorrow's another day
Well I promise you you'll see the sun again
And you're asking me why pain's the only way to happiness
And I promise you you'll see the sun again
And I promise you you'll see the sun again
And I promise you you'll see the sun again
And I promise you you'll see the sun again
I promise you you'll see the sun again

See the sun again
See the sun again
See the sun again


FINALE!!!!Don’t leave home!!!!
This is no revelation; it’s however my own tiny pun!!!My connotation is not encouraging you “not to leave home”, instead I am saying “LEAVE HOMEEEEE!”
For my fellow Nigerians who have hope for this country, I guess we will butt heads in another post-maybe you might infect some of it on me. Because as for me and the things I have seen, my hope for this our dear land diminishes everyday and I dare say the song I sing is not “Don’t leave home”, instead its sadly “Please leave home”! Its not the finest conclusion,and I have had this sort of conversation with many of my friends whom we have traveled and returned with the hope of settling back at home thinking, “Lets give back to home, things will be better”. And time after time, I have taken poll and am yet to see one who hasn’t rescinded that decision.

The premise of this particular impression is the floods that covered Victoria island (Lagos) yesterday after a day of heavy rains. Mind you, Victoria island is supposedly the choicest locations in las gidi, yet we were more or the outsiders living in Noah’s floods yesterday! I could put a picture next time, but picture the mental image of water going right up to the bonnet of your car-right in the middle of the most commercial districts!!! I don’t know where we are going!!!!!!
Somebody give me hope for this country, as mine trickles to trite insignificance.

Just a Spoonfull of Dildo...Sorry Dido! (T.Notes Rambles1)


Open P.S: When “y”ou read this,I honestly am not insinuating anything other than the obvious rambling. If I am, promise I will let “y”ou know face to face, or well, most literally!
P.S2: Long Post warning, but settle down and do read every bit.


That said: Growing up, I was a big fan of Dido-the artiste not the instrument with an l.Forgive the word play*wink*. In this little post, I will talk abit of three of my fav songs in what I consider to be her most excellent album, then at the finale, I will make the insignificant point I set out to divulge in the first place with this post.

I like dido cos she has an awesome voice, she’s smart (I have a weakness for smart chics)and the lyrics of her songs beg you to reach deep to understand what she’s saying. Suffice to say, in my opinion a lot of music to me is just trifle water passing under a minor bridge, but I certainly appreciate an artist/artiste who reaches for my intelligence and speaks soul-to-soul. Dido does just that, at least for me. The symbolism in her songs is hidden in subtle lyrics. So when you listen to a dido track, first off, all you’re hearing is a seemingly good song, until you’ve heard long enough that your mind slowly starts to unravel subtext-then you get a dawning at 2am and you jerk out in laughter! Or,for her other such songs that just quietly give you a hope(Selah).I don’t know where dido’s faith lies, but for me, her pen has spoken loud enough its resonated in my faith…hmmm,maybe as of lifeless stones speaking, I do not judge. Follow me through on this one, hopefully I will shed some of the same light I got from them five years ago.

My pick songs are:
See you when you’re forty
Mary’s in India
Bonus track: See the sun again.
Don’t leave home.



See you when you’re forty!
Ever been with someone who thought he/she was all that??And you blindly got strung along until you wake up one day to realize, wait a minute, I am better than this!!!That’s the surmise of this song for me.
Matured Woman was dating a guy and somewhere along the line something goes sour which she doesn’t expressly say. But in response, she puts pen to paper and completely disses the guy-that is the whole song. It’s a sarcastic play on words, diss after diss, the kinds that you’d be stupidly smiling along, taking them for compliments until sometime much later you realize, WHAT,she didn’t just say that?!!!

You think that you are complicated, deep mystery to all
Well it's taken me a while to see, you're not so special
All energy no meaning, with a lot of words
So paper thin that one real feeling, could knock you down

So see me when your 40, lost and all alone
being comforted by strangers you'll never need to know
not sad because you lost me
but sad because you thought it was cool to be sad

You think misery will make you stand apart from the crowd
well if you had walked past me today I wouldn't have picked you out

now I've seen, tonight, how I could waste my time
and I'll be on my way, and I won't be back
cos I've seen, tonight, what I've been warned about
your just a boy, not a man, and I'm not coming back


This song brings memories. Way back in undergrad school, at some point, I used to drive my sister to law school which was close to my faculty. We’d have this song blaring and we’d be screaming the lyrics at the top of our lungs. Lol, we pretty much considered our selves then wiser than the average who couldn’t for the life understand what beauty we saw in the song. The pun in the song (for me) is ….See you when you’re forty, i.e See you when your intelligence/maturity is close enough to mine, maybe then we can talk. I’ve been at both ends of the stick. I’ve been the silly guy who thoughT he was all that n a bag of chips, super smart and way intelligent than everybody else. These lyrics repeatedly helped knock me off my high horse in those days. I’ve also (ouch), been the duffus who was being taken for a ride until I was able to discover my own self and stand tall. These are parts of the reason why I have such a big mouth today. Know who you are, appreciate you for what you’re worth. And anybody who doesn’t like it, can (LOL), go knack head for transformer!!!!

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

T.Notes in Rehab! (Re: Free Therapy-Honesty Meme) What's a "Meme" anyways??



Tagged by 2Cute4u, i revert:

Right now I’m feeling.... (after a most fulfilling blog-round) that Naija blogsville has the most intelligent and outrightly creative community of peeps on the planet. We should assemble and replace our homeland’s degenerate House of Reps!

When I’m alone I feel....Not “feel”, I actually do walk around stark naked or only boxer clad. What, I’m proud of me, n I know I am not alone in this. Fess up! Shoot, this one time, I misguidedly left the front door open and this chic sauntered in whilst I was walking out of my room (in all my Eden’s glory!). I slammed the door in a haste!!!I swore to her afterwards that next she tried that stunt I wouldn’t be that civil.

When I’m surrounded by people I feel..... Shy atimes, other times wish someone would lend some talkative a brain. But for the most part, I’ve got great people around me, so we have a blast.

One thing I hate is.... Know it alls. I feel that if I let you off on your folly, you shouldn’t think it’s solely because you’re that smart/intelligent. Me too, I get sense some.

One thing I really like about myself is....my creativity. I’m blessed with a beautiful mind; I don’t take it for granted. Sometimes it’s gotten me into trouble tho.


When I’m feeling sad
......I’m vulnerable to my certain addictions.


When I daydream it's usually about
......sex. ADIDAS-go figure jare! Either that, or I’m dreaming of my play showing on broadway!

I'm afraid of.....failing in life. I’m highly competitive.

I'm happiest when....its Friday 5pm, close of work!!!Woohoo weekend! More seriously, asides from the more lofty suspects, I’m most peaceable when its midnight and all the sounds that stir is the chatter of my fingers on my keyboard with my mind whirling up an awesome script. Those are my “ahhhh, life is good” moments and I could be up till 4am, just me and my characters.

One thing that really worries me is....infidelity. How does a man truly tame his uncultivated Mr Jekyll and be forever monogamous???I haven’t figured that one out yet.

If I could change one thing about myself it would be.....wouldn’t change a thing.

If I could be with anyone right now I would be with.....Hmmm, personal. Thank you, next question.

The family member I am closest to is........my lil sis! We only got one year apart in age.

If I was really honest with my father I would tell him....that when he’s talking on the phone, they can hear him three houses away. He’s got a boombox voice like mine.

One thing I regret about my life is......No regrets, really.I do somewhat wish i wasn't the corporate slave that i am tho. But all that will soon change. Big decisions ahead.

If I only had one more day to live I would......spend it with loved ones picnicking by a lake.

If I was really honest with my mother I would tell her.....that she really needs to chill out sometimes. The whole world isn’t gonna fall – at least not all in one day.

One thing about me that nobody knows is......if I told you then it wouldn’t be a “nobody knows” anymore. But I have written about it on these pages before and disguised it as a casual story. I do that a lot herein, I confess, not every play is imaginative, I just wouldn’t say which.

I hope that someday in the future....i would stand tall and fulfilled with an accolade of accomplishments that compare to Andrew Lloyd Webber.

When I think about my family I feel.....Oh well, its family, you gotta love em anyways. But for most part, grateful.

Something I’m really embarrassed about is......Skip. We're not that close yet, i.e,personal.

One thing about me I never want to change is.....my ability to dream far and high.

One thing I feel really proud of is.....well so far, that one play that got me newspaper and TV reviews.

Blogsville has helped me to.....waste valuable time I should be erstwhile be productive at work!!!

One thing I like about blogsville is… the people. Gotta admit I’ve made some really neat friends here. Moreso, I have a weakness for smart n witty people.

There’s about it all. Now GET!!!!

With that, I tag-not minding that you have filled this already, 2Cute4u, neefemi,Yankeenaija, Musco, NakedSha, Myne Whitman, Temite, Sis yemmie, ,Yankeenaijababe, Wild Boy, L.D.P, Naijalines, Miss Fab, Fragilelooks, Phoenix, Younique, FabladyH, Mamuje, Audeo, Aiesha, Dew, Harry, LovePaprika, chanelgirl, Harry, Juanita, Lara (been a while, where are you?!!), Beautiful but grumpy, Aeedeee, inyamu, Cecilia, et all!

Thursday, July 1, 2010

The (Pants) "Monologues" Reinstated! It's by Force Jare!




So my man musco just challenged me to a duel! What??!!Fun Fun Fun!!

Lol, Musco started this blog series he called “The Monologues” i.e witty dialogues as you would expect from the lips of your “ahem”. For some reason certain people considered it a little too explicit so the post was purged! Me I don’t know what was explicit there, so being the trouble maker that I am, I humbly accept musco’s challenge and nicely re-institute the so called notorious monologues!

My modification is: how far and how explicit can you talk about “ahem”/your “ahems” without saying the words “ahem”!Bite Me!


Location: Underneath a lunch table

Bushwacker (sighs): I think I’ve just about had it guys. Either something gives or I’m doing it tomorrow.

HappyBoy: Right on Bruv! If I had hands I’ve hi-5 you right now. Moreso if I was in your pants, I’d have done that long time ago-show him whose boss in these matters!

MapleTracy: What’s he talking about?

BushWacker (Inching forward desperately- to get a view): Signal to your Missy to give you more leg room. Chai Sweet VictoriaSecret-Heaven, where’s your missy been shopping at?! It’s been seven months now;I didn’t bargain for this!

HappyBoy: Hmm yay babycakes! Nothing like an owner you knows how to pamper her honey right. Last night me and biggy up there finally rounded up the last color of the rainbow. I swear to you, any woman who has purple strings in her accessory know what she’s talking about! We rounded that thing up like a crazy cowboy in rodeo paradise!

BushWacker (ruefully): Yeah rub it in.

HappyBoy: Bushwacker’s Boss joined a religious movement a little back and have consequently sworn to eternal celibacy.


Bushwacker
: It’s not eternal duffus; It’s only till marriage- no sex till marriage.

HappyBoy: Whatever. My point is you’ve been roped along into the whole stupidity without your consent. Did he ask you if it’d be fine with you to be locked and chained in for the next decade-Nope! Does he confer with you every morning before he whips you out in frustration and baptizes your head with baby jelly oils-Nope. Does he ask how your ego fares everytime you gather underneath that stuffy boardroom table and every body’s bragging about their escapades whilst you turn into a dumb mute-Nope Nope Nope! I tell you, tomorrow’s too late mehn, get the deal done tonight whilst he sleeps!

MapleTracy: What does he want to do?

Bushwacker (gruffly): That’s besides your business. You and your kind, you know you’re my curse in all this. And the hypocrisy is, every other member is still having their field day as if this pledge of chastity does not concern them. As if I’m the one who crucified Jesus, here I am being brutally gullotined! Last night Bushy’s girl came around. She’s not in agreement with the whole chastity business, and I swear she came with murderous intention! Chai, the snuggest minis on the a flimpy lycra top. With all my straining and bulging to try to get a view, the bugger didn’t give me any attention, yet shifty hands and murky lips got well enough groping action. I cried like a baby till I went to sleep!

MapleTracy: (teasingly) Murderous intention uh?
(Brief pause) Does girlfriend pack this kind of heat?

BushWacker & Happy Boy: HOLY JESUS CHRIST!!!!

Bushwacker: (tearfully) Somebody ask the waitress to hand down the Kleenex pleeease.

MapleTracy: Here’s the deal. Girlfriend doesn’t have game. I on the other hand can easillllly help you out of your predicament. Many are the chaste wills I have broken.

HappyBoy: Bushy appears to be pretty resolute on the matter.

MapleTracy: If you could get a view of my missy’s total package above the table, you’d appreciate that I don’t make empty threats. The question is, are you even man enough to start with?

Bushwacker: What?! They don’t call me the bushwacker-wacker for nothing, I tell ya!


HappyBoy
: If I had hands I’ve hi-5 you right now.

To be continued…IF you can summise accurately what going on there?!

Meanwhile, Over to you Musco, My Man! Take that!

Disclaimer: This post does not in any way celebrate premarital "ahem" escapdes nor does it intend to make mockery of our humble pledges to chastity.