Thursday, July 1, 2010

The (Pants) "Monologues" Reinstated! It's by Force Jare!

So my man musco just challenged me to a duel! What??!!Fun Fun Fun!!

Lol, Musco started this blog series he called “The Monologues” i.e witty dialogues as you would expect from the lips of your “ahem”. For some reason certain people considered it a little too explicit so the post was purged! Me I don’t know what was explicit there, so being the trouble maker that I am, I humbly accept musco’s challenge and nicely re-institute the so called notorious monologues!

My modification is: how far and how explicit can you talk about “ahem”/your “ahems” without saying the words “ahem”!Bite Me!

Location: Underneath a lunch table

Bushwacker (sighs): I think I’ve just about had it guys. Either something gives or I’m doing it tomorrow.

HappyBoy: Right on Bruv! If I had hands I’ve hi-5 you right now. Moreso if I was in your pants, I’d have done that long time ago-show him whose boss in these matters!

MapleTracy: What’s he talking about?

BushWacker (Inching forward desperately- to get a view): Signal to your Missy to give you more leg room. Chai Sweet VictoriaSecret-Heaven, where’s your missy been shopping at?! It’s been seven months now;I didn’t bargain for this!

HappyBoy: Hmm yay babycakes! Nothing like an owner you knows how to pamper her honey right. Last night me and biggy up there finally rounded up the last color of the rainbow. I swear to you, any woman who has purple strings in her accessory know what she’s talking about! We rounded that thing up like a crazy cowboy in rodeo paradise!

BushWacker (ruefully): Yeah rub it in.

HappyBoy: Bushwacker’s Boss joined a religious movement a little back and have consequently sworn to eternal celibacy.

: It’s not eternal duffus; It’s only till marriage- no sex till marriage.

HappyBoy: Whatever. My point is you’ve been roped along into the whole stupidity without your consent. Did he ask you if it’d be fine with you to be locked and chained in for the next decade-Nope! Does he confer with you every morning before he whips you out in frustration and baptizes your head with baby jelly oils-Nope. Does he ask how your ego fares everytime you gather underneath that stuffy boardroom table and every body’s bragging about their escapades whilst you turn into a dumb mute-Nope Nope Nope! I tell you, tomorrow’s too late mehn, get the deal done tonight whilst he sleeps!

MapleTracy: What does he want to do?

Bushwacker (gruffly): That’s besides your business. You and your kind, you know you’re my curse in all this. And the hypocrisy is, every other member is still having their field day as if this pledge of chastity does not concern them. As if I’m the one who crucified Jesus, here I am being brutally gullotined! Last night Bushy’s girl came around. She’s not in agreement with the whole chastity business, and I swear she came with murderous intention! Chai, the snuggest minis on the a flimpy lycra top. With all my straining and bulging to try to get a view, the bugger didn’t give me any attention, yet shifty hands and murky lips got well enough groping action. I cried like a baby till I went to sleep!

MapleTracy: (teasingly) Murderous intention uh?
(Brief pause) Does girlfriend pack this kind of heat?

BushWacker & Happy Boy: HOLY JESUS CHRIST!!!!

Bushwacker: (tearfully) Somebody ask the waitress to hand down the Kleenex pleeease.

MapleTracy: Here’s the deal. Girlfriend doesn’t have game. I on the other hand can easillllly help you out of your predicament. Many are the chaste wills I have broken.

HappyBoy: Bushy appears to be pretty resolute on the matter.

MapleTracy: If you could get a view of my missy’s total package above the table, you’d appreciate that I don’t make empty threats. The question is, are you even man enough to start with?

Bushwacker: What?! They don’t call me the bushwacker-wacker for nothing, I tell ya!

: If I had hands I’ve hi-5 you right now.

To be continued…IF you can summise accurately what going on there?!

Meanwhile, Over to you Musco, My Man! Take that!

Disclaimer: This post does not in any way celebrate premarital "ahem" escapdes nor does it intend to make mockery of our humble pledges to chastity.


  1. Shoot, i already goofed once! Nobody'll notice jo!
    P.S you gotta read slowly to possibly catch all the innuendos;-)
    Sign Out.
    Oh, n 1ST!!!!

  2. Really??? Seriously???

    But at the same time... what will blogville be like without you?

  3. @Harry: Honest, the key word would be "Sane" and Prolly "Peaceful". Blogville will do just fine jare!

  4. You are INSANE....yaba left is calling you. lmao...i don't know why musco took it off, like i told him it wasn't that expletive and it was creative and funny...but yes like i said u r insane.

  5. LMAO here. Omdzzz. I cant wait to read the next.

    to the more important stuff, its your blog and you can write whatever the hell you want. Anybody dont like it, can go to the next post. I have an issue with hypocrisy. But before i start cussing here, (cos I can feel a major cussing out coming. i'll take it to my blog, i love the idea of the monologues. People are so damn touchy about their privates. Btw, i'm totally sad about Musco taking down his post.

    p.s. Thank you for stopping by at my blog

  6. LMAO! Omg! Omg!
    Maple Tracy? Jeez I cant stop laughing! Lol

    And why did Musco take it off?

  7. I didn't see Musco's post, mores the pity. But serious why can't you use the names. It;s called a penis and a vagina. Thank you.

  8. LOL! If this ever needs to be considered as a full production, can I be considered for an audition?

    Can't believe you could dig this up within a few days.Great job!

    I just hope they don't send us out of blogville soon!

  9. @Musco my man: Will definitely keep you in mind, seeing that you are the mad hatter originator of the insane concept!

    @Myne: OMG!!!ou dindt just use those hallowed words!!!lol!!!Funky Spunky You!

    @Fab: Hmmm n to all those of us who are addicted to the many fine alternative benefits of Maple.

    @Audeo: I am entirely 100% percent with you on that. Infact,hi-5!!!You welcome,anytime. As if we aren't the one being pleasured by your fine blogestry!

    @nifty neefeeeeeemi!!!Emi, yaba left!!!Just wait till i get my hands on you!!!

  10. Dude, you are funny!!!! Can't believe i didn't know you existed until today! Please, continue this one... and really, how did you come up with those names.. Bushwacker, MapleTracy, HappyBoy... some kin tins goin on...

  11. Well well, welcome aboard TecknicoleurGrl!Gawsh,that's a mouthfull!Will be around urs2 in a min,funny haven't come across u either n i thot i know the whole of naijaville like the back of my palm!!!
    As4 this madness called monologues,abeg ask musco o!!!