I have a question now. As in,really-this is without all cynicism,and i'd appreciate candid answers.On my way back home today,my mind pondered as usual,and this time, i asked the question,'does it ever really stop?'. No,this time,i am not making crude sexual innuendos or taking quirky jabs of anything sexual related. I'm being frank here,and leading this to a viable concern.
C.S.Lewis implied in the screwtape letters that,a reliable trick to make the human get the impression that a certain temptation never gets better, i.e, they'll never be over it, and they'll fight it for the rest of their lives. Now, when faced with this kind of crude reality, the most human option is to give up and jump ship immediately.C.S Lewis' opinion is that,at some point in time, we mature over whatever the tempt is. I'm not sure i believe that.
I need to flag a warning here before i delve further. It's fine,i kid quite quite alot, but for the average reader,you should undertstand that for most parts,i do my bit to hold myself to a certain level of decorum/order. But i am exposed,quite,and to a large extent,very very f*ckd up. So in essence,you could summise T.N, as a pretty f*ckd up guy who'd trying to make the best of things. You get the drift? Now moving further,because i am pretty much one heck of a job,i happen to find myself in all kinds of..well,unregular situations,and subsequently,the order of the day is usually,oh f*ck,what have you gotten yourself into now, ad how do we sort this out before things get out of order?In essence,i'd say i've spent the most parts of my days, after i decided i want to stop being too f*cked up, basically trying not to screw things up any further.So,my question is, admittedly,because of my past and present issues,i am probably more inclined to find myself in a f scenerio than maybe most people do. So,my question boils down to, will i ever get to the point/place where i am totally convinced and operating on the level where a quick romp is not primary on my mind?
That's part of why i have commitment issues. I don't want to be the kind of man/husband who maintains Mia,Tz,Rs on the side for the days when the disatisfaction with the woman at home surmounts common sense. Which is fine, as a noble intention. But is it attainable?I don't think so.I don't see me as..you know, The Good Man!The stable Man!The reliable husband!Even as much as i want to be..yet i don't even want to be!How do you get content with one person for the rest of your life and kill the inclinations when a pesky text keeps flagging on the other side!
In this so called my bid to be good,i've put up the most ridiculous restraints,you don't even want to know.But on the flip side, whenever i take a step back and examine this my so called life.....is it more noble to try to be noble,than in your bid to be a noble, be a f*ckn liar???And how much longer am i going to keep blowing off all these invites with flimpsy excuses.
...I haven't proofRead this, so if it makes any sense to you...drop a response ;-)