Further to my being born again, I have now decided to officially and publicly confess all my attrocities, many of which were accelerated here on blogsville, by same bloggers anyways. Some have argued that it is not my place to publicly call out my fellow partners-in-crime, which is true. However at the same time, out of sheer boredom, i have dusted out the burgundy diaries, and decided, hey “what the heck, let’s ruffle some feathers, let it all out, have a laugh at the ruckus, and when we’re done, bow out of blogger with the widest Cheshire cat grin ever!”
Ehmm,admittedly, some people are not going to like this, because when i refer to the burgundy diaries, i am talking unashamedly honest hard facts, but heyy comeon,lets all live-a-little-a-little more uh! (Lighten up folks!) So, i’m just going to have a blast and countdown to the annihilation of this little blog space. That's the beauty of annonymous blogging-you can just walk away from it all! Press play on my cruel intentions soundtrack here, then continue reading. (You know how you sometimes just get tired of all the neat and tidy blogging!)
Title Entry#1: Mena Udoko is ready, is she really?
After my first and only date with Mena, I am not proud to admit that my crotch literally needed an icepack for the rest of the night. Hear me out first before you let your mind run away with you.
12am. Hendon, London.
Mn: You’re joking TN. After ditching a proper working bloke, you’re telling me that’s all you have to offer! (She cursed me in Benin lingua).
Mena was not the first girl i dated off blogger, so note that this is not in a chronological order of event. Also note that by the word date, i only mean casual outing and some ‘hums, as you will find out. Also respect the fact that in all cases, both parties were duly aware of the irresponsible and non-committal nature of our shenanigans. Nobody was seeking for a marriage partner, so a little less judgemental now. Besides, as far as i know, i am now born again and going to heaven, but as for the rest of the people involved, only they can tell.
Skype Conversation. November 2010, 1am (Edited conversation)
TN: Watcha doing up at this evil hour?
Mn: (Shrugs) Can’t sleep. You?
TN: Coursework. Whatsup?
Mn: Close the frigging books and keep an idle girl company jor!
TN: Grrr. Books closed. What’s on your mind?
Mn: The date yesterday was shit. Don’t you even dare say i told you so.
TN: Na you know. Should i count how many times i’ve asked you out. Your shakara pass shakira’s own!
Mn: That was lame! Zero over hundred, i’m disappointed. Hiss.
TN: I’ll be working in London next week. Let’s check out mo*vida. You know you won’t be disappointed.
Mn: Forget it, I’m not going out with you TNotes.
TN: I’ll be done at work about 8pm. I’ll call you.
Mn: My phone will be off by 7.55.
TN: I hear you. Anyways, why is your web cam off?
MN: You don’t want to know.
Insert black and white content screen filter here.
Mn: Ds is ur 8pm abi?
TN: Oyinbo ppl too lyk work. Didn’t release us til 8.45. Will b on the Victoria in 5. Meet@oxford?
Mn: Changed my mind, not in party mood 2nyt. Maybe if you called 45mins earlier.
TN: K. No wahala. L8r.
PhoneCall, Hendon,London (Mena’s crib) 36 mins later
TN: It’s cold. Abeg come and open the door.
Mn: Which door?!!!
Tn: Heritage avenue ofcourse! Don’t let your neighbours call the police for black man standing at the door!
Mn: Idiot! Did i ask you to....
Mn: You Idiot, did i ask you to come to my house!
TN: (Tried to enter apartment) Why are you dressed up - i thought you said you were not interested in mo*vida.
Mn: (Restricted my movement) Well, I was, until I had a proper date.
TN: (Pushed her hand aside, stepped in and shut patio door) So you ditched me for all these innit boys.
Mn: He’s not a broke ass M.Sc student like you.
TN: Abeg jare, I have prospects! You know the guy is boring as hell, let’s smoke him out and hit town.
Mn: (Hushed tone) Keep your voice down now. We’ll hook up some other time.
TN: Lai lai. I’m gate crashing. If we had done mo*vida as planed, we’d be out till 4a.m. Now however, i’m homeless till trains start service in the morning.
Mn: (She was getting impatient) T.N, you have other friends in London jor!
TN: Mena, there’s no two ways about it. With this monostrap mini thingy you’ve got going on, i am crashing at your place. She you had mouth on blogger and skype with all the illicit talking.
Mn: Are you not hearing me, i am on a date!
TN: (I know i am wicked, but i was laughing loudly as i forced my way into the living room space): Date or booty call, which of the above?
I enter the living room, and guess who was sitting sprawled like a lazy hippo on the mid-sofa!
Disclaimer: This is T.Note's handiwork.Any beef should be directed at him-I swear, I have no idea how this post got in here!