Saturday, December 31, 2011

2011 in broken pieces...

When i look back,
i have often seen my life (even egoistically so), as a fine complete vessel that i handed with gracious dancing into His hands...
But as this year draws to a close and i quietly reflect
at all of the painful memories when that vessel was thrown hard to the ground
and all the fine pieces of me mixed with mud and tears and many questions of why...
I give myself away...

As the clock ticks on 2012
I have crouched low, and allowed those pieces be delicately held back together...even with glue that i suspect may be fragile and unfirm.
Many times i have screamed and cursed at His help..
'Why help now-you allowed all of this in the first place?!'
'Leave me and let me mourn in peace, start my life anew directions i only deem proper!'
And often when all else failed, 'WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME!'

I have not ended these notes with any amazing dawning to all of questions,
But still...I give myself away...
Here is me that was sturdy and secure, now needy entirely of your grace,
Still handing it all yet again back to you.

If I have not learnt anything at all this year,
i've have at least understood to drink full of the cup mixed with pain and tests of integrity and faithfulness.
And the words that remained etched in blood:
'Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial bacause, having stood the test, he will receive the crown of life...'

I don't understand it, but i see it...
that if you append your agreement at the start of the contract,
then when all hell breaks loose and (somehow) through it all you manage to hang on,
never once ripping it all to shreds,
then when all the madness ceases and the sun shines,
there truly is a fine reward.

I still don't understand pain.
I've often wondered if we did not all sign on to become sacrifices at the mercy of something we cannot see...scarry...
Entirely like C.S.Lewis explained in 'Till we have faces' (God bless his Soul).
As one after the other, it happens to the best of us.
The braver ones have held up noble faces to the heavens
and counted it all pure joy to face trials of many kind,
counting it as a privilegde...
I only wish for quiet days...feeling like i've been through enough.

I don't understand it,
because i didnt become a valiant warrior for all of it,
instead i reached another level of broken,
and a confidence that is not me and only lays quiet within.
Yes i know how to face some battles now,
and when the times comes again,
i know where to assemble my defences.
I won't be crouching or whimpering....

I don't understand it because my hopes have grown dim
I won't believe anybody who preaches lofty messages about utopias and wonderland,
instead i quietly observe and advice for him to wait his turn,
and only pray that life will not deal him too hard.
My hopes are dimmed because like a war torn soldier,
i still sleep with the weapons and a ready hand under my pillow...
and i wonder if that is how to live life.

A good friend of mine stayed with me for a few weeks,
and He loved the song by William McDowell.
I hated everytime he'd look straight into nothingness and sing along from the depths of him 'I give myself away, so you can use me.'
It just doesn't make sense, i'd tell him...
You have no idea what He is capable of turning your life into...
as my own thoughts delved back into memories.

But as the clock ticks on
and i find under the carpet, that reluctant missing piece of my fine china vessel,
the part of me that trembled at the thought of giving it all entirely...
I understand...
and i hand it to Him...
and walk away,
singing into the new year...

Happy new year folks
Don't forget to pray for those hurting.
May all of tomorrow be ever so finer than yesterday.
Emmanuel...God is with us...for whatever life may bring.
At least, that is my own confidence.

I Give Myself Away

I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me
I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me

Verse 1:
Here I am
Here I stand
Lord, my life is in your hands
Lord, I’m longing to see
Your desires revealed in me
I give myself away

Verse 2:
Take my heart
Take my life
As a living sacrifice
All my dreams, all my plans
Lord I place them in your hands

I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me
I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me

I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me
I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me

My life is not my own
To you I belong
I give myself, I give myself to You
I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

About a break-up and Two cups of 34C

I could not have asked for a better way to end the Christmas festivities, other than a tribute night of Frank Sinatra enjoyed over sparkling wine with a beautiful old time bestie, all overlooking London's night skyline. I have concluded that when i die, and my loved ones discover hidden in a steel vault- the link to this archive of useless blogged musing..when you read this post, take it as my dying request that Frank Sinatra's 'My Way' be played as my charmed remains are being returned to mother earth.

But back to the perfect winter's night with F. that formed this quick post. F is currently going through a break-up with a long time boyfriend, and we'd met up because she finally wanted to discuss the matter surrounding the breakup. So, just as the curtains closed on the song 'something stupid', she finally spoke.

We'd all heard about F. and T.'s breakup at the same time. She'd sent a broadcast message two weeks before christmas with the brief words: 'T. and I are no longer together. BB will be turned off for some time-I'll be fine'. Then she'd sent another message to five others asking if we could do France over the weekend with her-she needed support. Who could say no. There were no tears in France., neither where there much words, and nobody pressed for an explanation. Most of the time, she was nestled into someone's shoulders and just stared ahead into nothingness. When it was time to leave on sunday, she finally cried, and said that was the end of the matter. I can never understand where that girl gets her strength from. Her blackberry has been off since then so i was nicely surprised when she sent me a text message to come for the Sinatra event with her.

'He said he's not satisfied with my body-He's not sexually attracted to me.'

I was taken aback. They'd been together for seven years.

'He loves me, we're amazing together, i'm his best friend, and he knows he's going to regret his decision, but he said if he goes ahead, it'd mean him sacrificing his sexual needs, and he doesn't feel strong enough to do that. He said he's never cheated on me, but with a future together, he sees it as inevitable.'

She managed a weak smile.

'So, that was it. Seven years, we've been through the worst, enjoyed the best, and gave it all up because my breasts are not big enough and waist line not round enough. At least he was honest.'

I didn't say anything. Maybe because i am not a fan of giving cliche responses. Maybe because i hated to admitt that in an off-hand sort of way, i admired the guy's honesty (albeit utter foolishness) or maybe bacuse i was just short of words. Either ways my mouth said nothing, but my mind raced through alot as i penned this thoughts.

I remained quiet and allowed her settle into a left handed embrace. We asked for a refil of our glasses (maybe wishing it was that easy to also ask heaven for a small top-up to my hurting friend's cup size) and waited for the next song to begin.

P.S. F. is a really really awesome person. She's beautiful, funny, highly intelligent (i kid you not), and she's got the best smile. I reckon she wears a 32A...but T.V and porno reckons that good sex begins at 34C.

Love or Lust..i've ben asking people the question and everybody's so far insisted on having the two. So what happens if the two do not come in the same package? So response. It's a funny sort of vicious cycle...we have commercialised and promoted sexuality...and are alarmed at the subsequent rise in infidelity. Who is shooting and woman alike?

I am none a saint, because i have also wished for the two, and hesitated if i was asked to only pick one. Today....I know I'd pick a fine soul, a glossy body.

Saturday, December 24, 2011

*How to become *awesome* in 12 Christmas Days*

I walked out of the office plugging in my earpieace and allowed the device run a random shuffled playlist. The song that came through was Jamie Grace: Hold me-which i absolutely love! I whopped an imaginery hi-5 and literally walked home dancing all over the road-to the astonishment of many whiteys! And as i allowed all that madness run its due course, i realized that i am in love with T.Notes and gave up trying to contain the bugger into a Moss suit. Therein lies my first quick & random Christmas note: The answer to the question of 'How to become super awesome'!Merry Christmas Note folks.

I will admit (even at my age), that i have had the worst bouts of personality disorders over the past year!Which may be understandable, as i have gone from corporate to campus, to loads of pubs in bewteen and to...wherever it is i am right now-because i dare not say i have it all figured out still. Many days i woke up, recalled the previous day and looked at myself in the mirror wondering, 'who the f%*k i am?!'. Do you ever wonder who you really are and what you are about? I've been many different persons to the many different people i interract with so much that you tend to get lost somewhere in between. And the problem with not understanding and appreciating the one singular person that you are,is that you give any external person the chance to screw you over. Being screwed over or made to feel any less than you are worth, is not awesome.

So, how then do you become truly awesome in 12days? These are my scribbled christmas diaries of my own reawakening.

This is not awesome
During our induction/training week, there was a talk about 'branding' yourself for your first day at work, because 1st impressions are supposedly lasting. Hence they advised us to get it right the very first day. So i did just best suit and best smile...all amounting to crap as i struggled the first month getting adjusted to various forms racism. The real answer was found in breaking all the rules of propriety and following 12simple steps:

1.Get a smart asian girl as your office email/gossip buddy. Why? If nobody likes you initially, they'll start to get curious once you let out random snickers and involuntary laughters whenever your outlook pings a certain email. Nobody likes feeling left out of the joke so they soon start to smile at you-all for an excuse to peep into your computer sreen whenever an email drops. Check!

2.On a random friday night, ditch your study plans and go for drinks with the girl who sits beside you and another fun guy. There's still no better way to break the ice than the classic game of truth or dare after a few tipsy glasses. The problem thereafter is that within three hours, two random strangers are privy to your most embarrasing secrets. The upside is that those two now become your tighest office buddies. And to get ahead in life/work,we all need buddies. Check!

3.Find your blog again, and fall in love with her. Go through your oldest posts, read the funniest comments and marvel at the ones that streamed over 70 replies. If you have maintained a faithful blog for at least some few months, chances are, therein lies your true self. Every other person you are trying to become is bullsh&t. Check!

4. Stop by at the west end topless bars. I was only innocently on my way back from a stage musical when i passed by a club and noticed a bevy of stark naked girls inside. I stopped, rubbed my eyes and retraced my steps. I was not dreaming...there truly truly were naked women that club! I deliberated a night plan diversion, considered what damage that would do to my pocket (i'm certain you don't pay 5bucks to oogle at anybody's muffins), then just satisfied myself with retracing my steps back and forth only a few more times across the club entrance, getting quite a bit of an eyeful before headed back home having fully appreciating the wonders of multiracial female bodies.#God-is-good. Check!

5. Never ever pass on a chance at the office xmas party to hold hands with a bunch of drunken whiteys and sing along at the top of your voice to 'its my life, its now or never, i aint gonna live for ever, i just wanna live when i'm alive..its my life!!!' Check!

6. Whenever your girlfriend changes her DP to show a better angle or some cleavage, be sure to appreciate and tell her how you can save the world and stop world poverty with just a jar of maple syrup and her hot curves on a dinning table. Inappropriate is inappropriate,but i'm yet to meet a woman who didnt say thank you when you tell her she's got great.....curves. Check!

7.When you get invited for a team building christmas event at Hyde park, never ever agree to go skating with the lot. Duh, Ofcourse black men cannot skate! With that bit of common sense in place, go along prepared with your camera and video recorder, get a good position next to the skating ring, have a steaming glass of Mulled wine by your side, and proceed to acquire evidence of the ones making a fool of themselve with embarrasing efforts of learning how to skate. Ofcourse this will amount to no good if you do not circulate the pictures at work the next day. Check!

8. Realize that the past 10weeks of Alpha classes have been the best time of your life! And that the bunch of friends you have made are truly just amazing. You have not had as much 'unquestionable fun' in a long time,and the soul searching and sharing has been purely revitalising. Alpha course will take you back to the roots of Faith, and give your mind&intelligence the chance to accpet what you choose to believe in, not just because it was necessary/popular in Nigeria, or because it appealed to your emotional needs, but because you now understand it...the histories of Christianity, the theological perspective, and the depths of the Bible. Then you will believe, because you now CHOOSE to believe. Check!

9. After you have done all these, you should by now be well into a chilled out gear, and can start appreciating who you are, what you enjoy, what you love about life. Your vices, addictions, the kind of music you like, what gets you going, how to relax, the kind of people you like, and most improtantly, you should have defined once again your swagger. At this point in time, you can start telling anybody who does not like you to 'go hug transformer'. Simply because you like and appreciate yourself, you're comfortable in your own skin, you don't have time for 'sme sme', you are pretty much allergic to bullshit. Check!

10. Decide to become awesome! I am product of enduring grace-i never fail to acknowledge that. Grace, since when at 8years old, i walked into my now-turned-pastor making out with a neigbhour on the dinning table...then at 10 accidently slotting in what should have been a mickey mouse club video, only to find instead Miss Trisha Savage sucking on something that did not not look like lollilop...and the stories thereafter are a long thing. But Grace still...But the thing is, for whatever measure of grace you have bestowed with, the responsibility now lies with us, to take hold of it, and begin the race with it to become truly truly awesome. Purpose to become the best you can be! Whatever needs to be done in order to achieve, get it done. Grace yes, but if you need to kill yourself studying, learning, dreaming, achieving, then grind your teeth into it, and make it happen. Grace is awesome, truly truly awesome, but i have a strong feeling that grace sets your feet on the is left to each one, to run with the wind.

11 & 12....may still be left blank, because like i earlier said, like all people, i still am yet to have it figured all out. And let the disclaimer be sounded that for the one who decides to literally replicate my experiences as summarized word for word, you may truly be ON YOUR OWN!

Merry Christmas to all of Naija blogsville....the smartest community of Nigerians far and near. #Shout-out to all the newcomers-who keep the continuity alive with much needed zest! I've been reading some super cool new blogs--fine things lay ahead for 2012! And as always, kisses to the ladies, and chop knuckles to the blokes.

Now go ye into the worlds and be a*w*e*s*o*m*e!!!Yes Yes, Just-do-it!

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Say a prayer for Ashley

I'm sure most of you have been saddened by Ashley's trending 'secret' on youtube. But i ask that you do not only shed a casual tear. Instead, say a prayer every now and then for her and her family. It's the least we all can do.
Only God knows....

Monday, December 19, 2011

Sex Tapes: Did Nigerians get more Kinky or the Girls more stupid?

Unless if every girl really truly does have a secret desire to become an internet porn star, i just don't understand what is going on back home with Nigerian girls!

This thought comes after i was sent (yet another) curious link of a Nigerian sex tape full blown on the internet. Clearly from the looks of it, this was a young couple getting down in their private living space without any act of commercialising their deeds. But also clearly (and probably unknown) to the female, the raunchy guy had a camera hidden somewhere. And the girl looks nothing like a slut, albeit a proper girl next door who might be cringing somewhere right now-if she knew that comments are streaming over a thousand in admiration of her...ahem. Well or maybe not, if she does as earlier pointed out, posses that inert ambition to become an internet porn star.

So has much really changed since i left home?!!!I thought we prided ourselves in our knack for discretness...or at least properly covering our tracks and not spreading dirty raunchy linen in public space, much less the wide web.

My Point#1: For pits sake, if you're going to get down with a guy,either ensure that you do it within your own private space (not his house!). That precaution may reduce the chances of hidden cameras behind photo frames.

My Point#2
: If you do have kiny inclinations and knowingly allow yourselves some private video coverage during the nasty, for pits sake, never ever leave the memory stick with the guy!!!No matter how much you trust him--your secret never ever stays secret once its on video cam!!!Even worse if he's a one night stand,boyfriend or non-husband!

My Point#3: The internet is for public usage! Get updated women! Know what is going on the Naija social networks scene. The www does not end at Facebook and twitter! And because you fail to know this,the mice come out to play (brandishing your thongs and secret tattoos) when the pussy is out (no pun intended there). Get familiar with all the less popular Naija social networks, and if you know you have a sex vid somewhere out there, best you check online every now and then and ensure you have not become the laughing stock of the day!

I don talk my own!

Here's a quick article worth a laugh.....

How to Keep a Naked Photo Safe

It’s easy to take a naked picture of yourself or your partner. But how can you keep it safe and make sure that no one sees it other than your partner or yourself? Make a note of these pointers.

Don’t show it to your friends

So you’ve managed to cross delicate grounds and now you have a snap of your partner in your hands, or a video in your cell phone? Nice.

But as much as you’re craving to show off your lascivious X-rated romp to your pals, refrain from that.

Showing off something that private can be funny and exciting at first, but would you want your pals to know every single detail about your partner, right down to the last freckle?

And what if one of your pals actually like what they see and try to hit on your lover later, at the same time slipping the detail that they’ve seen them nude? When you spread smutty stuff, you’re bound to get entangled in one.

Hide your naked photos and vids well

Read the fine lines on the pills and tonics from your last prescription. They all say the same thing. “Please store in a cool and dark place”. Voila! That’s the same story with storing prurient content.

You may be surprised, but most couples do have their own stronghold of smut somewhere in their house. Even if you have your own collection of homemade photos and videos, you need to be very careful. Most of the stolen videotapes are actually stolen by sleazy pals with no integrity or honesty.

Your friends may be the best in the world, but temptation is hard to resist. So why give it a chance to bite? Just keep it someplace where no one will ever think of touching. Ever. No kids. No friends. No babysitters.

The long hand of the law

A jolt up your derriere may not be able to prep you for this. Different laws do put its long hands in unflattering crevices. You may actually be caught and arrested if you have sleazy tapes of yourself. After all, possessing carnal nudity is an offence in some countries, right? That’s another thing that most people don’t think about.

Things can be real bad if you live in the U.S., where grannies are getting sued and arrested for possessing their five year old granddaughter’s nude picture while taking a bath! But fathers in India aren’t getting jailed for having a snap of their four year old daughter showing her backside!

You never know, the law can seem fishy unless you know all about it. For starters here, don’t let those snaps and videos leak out. You may even be arrested in a few countries if you approach the cops for help!

Don’t let your family find it

There comes a time when there’s the crossroads of luck and misery. And you may walk into someone in the family, holding your risqué picture in their hand. It might be the worst thing to imagine, but there’s a good chance that it could happen, unless you’re very careful.

What can you do if any of this happens?

Didn’t I tell you, you meathead! I told you never ever to take nude pictures of yourself or your mate! What is wrong with you? Now look what you’ve done. Gosh, how embarrassing! How many times do I have to tell you that taking risqué shots is risky business? It’s easy for me to squirm out. You’re the one who’s caught, you nitwit. You deal with that. And don’t ever mention anything about being enticed into the art of nude bedroom photography by me! Period.

But on a serious note though, take nude pictures of yourself or your partner keeping the risks in mind. It’s hot and racy, but in the wrong hands, it could be devastating.

So is a naked picture worth the risk? Who can be a better judge of that than you?

On a final note: It is left to you to either take this post serious or not. But i am not kidding...your sh%t is out there streaming live on the internet!

Friday, December 16, 2011

Disclaimer: This is not my life.

This is the story of a guy called T. It is not my matter how you choose to interprete it. But i will do best to re-tell the incident as it happened.

It is not my life because T. is a total bast3rd, and everybody who knows about this story has used even stronger language to condemn his callousness. T. was journey bound for Nigeria last week with his fiancee for their traditional wedding engagement. That was where i met the couple, because i also happened to be flying around that time.I noticed T. was fidgety on that immigration check quee, and every now and then, his concerned wife-to-be would look his way and ask if he was alright. Everytime, he mumbled an incoherent reply. All the way till the two had their papers checked and they were urshered through. I think it was at that point that T. realized there was no going back, and he just could not deal with it. There was abit of shuffle on the quee, and i think i heard him mumble, 'i'll be back dear', then he made his way out of the line and hurried out.I saw the look in his eyes and i knew he would not be...coming back.

I think his fiancee knew too, because she started getting frantic and calling his name. But he'd left her with three hand luggages that hindered her progress of getting out of the line in time. She motioned to me asking if i could hold on to her luggages, but the immigration officials immediately countered the suggestion and asked brashly if she was getting on the flight.

'My husband is...'She replied with confusion...'I just need to wait for my him, he said he'll be back...He...'.
'Madame, i'm sorry you either have to get on the plane or step out of the line. If your husband gets back in time, he'll join you on board.'

I knew he was not coming back. I watched him like a bad movie playing out in my head. He was walking fast, then picked up speed into a short jogg. He also looked confused...frightened. I could hear his breath quickening with every brisk step. He pulled a mobile phone out of his pocket and made a frantic call.

'TZ, come pick me up.'
'I thought you....' He didn't let her finish.
'Just pick me up now!'
He hurried out of terminal three and dodged into a nearby starbucks like a common thief. He waited there a sweating thirty minutes before a grey nissan pulled up nearby and he hurried inside and the two drove away.

I like TZ because she doesn't mince words...she's a realist, just like me.
'What the fu&k did you just do?!'
'Look i told you i could not go along with it!'
'And i told you not to go ahead if you were going to back out! For Christ's sake T!'
'Look, don't shout at me ok!'
'Ofcourse i'll fucking shout at you!I might be a bitch and all, but do you have any idea the chaos you're about to cause!'

And chaos seriously was erupting everywhere--on the BA Lagos bound flight, in Lagos, in the U.S. Phones were buzzing everywhere, everybody was calling, as the woman T. had left in the airport was making a very terrible attempt to understand a situation that was best only left to hollywood and bestsellers. I now understood fully what was going on, because her voice was loud, and tearful and disoriented as she made calls, and answered calls.

'I don't know where he has gone to!He's not picking his call! I don't know what to do?!!Should i leave the airport! Can you try to reach his t-mobile! Oh God, i can't breathe...was is going on...etc'

I can't explain any more than that...but for all who asked, does that answer your question?

Friday, December 2, 2011


Please ensure I get home tonight.
Tomorrow's D-day!