Saturday, December 24, 2011

*How to become *awesome* in 12 Christmas Days*

I walked out of the office plugging in my earpieace and allowed the device run a random shuffled playlist. The song that came through was Jamie Grace: Hold me-which i absolutely love! I whopped an imaginery hi-5 and literally walked home dancing all over the road-to the astonishment of many whiteys! And as i allowed all that madness run its due course, i realized that i am in love with T.Notes and gave up trying to contain the bugger into a Moss suit. Therein lies my first quick & random Christmas note: The answer to the question of 'How to become super awesome'!Merry Christmas Note folks.

I will admit (even at my age), that i have had the worst bouts of personality disorders over the past year!Which may be understandable, as i have gone from corporate to campus, to loads of pubs in bewteen and to...wherever it is i am right now-because i dare not say i have it all figured out still. Many days i woke up, recalled the previous day and looked at myself in the mirror wondering, 'who the f%*k i am?!'. Do you ever wonder who you really are and what you are about? I've been many different persons to the many different people i interract with so much that you tend to get lost somewhere in between. And the problem with not understanding and appreciating the one singular person that you are,is that you give any external person the chance to screw you over. Being screwed over or made to feel any less than you are worth, is not awesome.

So, how then do you become truly awesome in 12days? These are my scribbled christmas diaries of my own reawakening.

This is not awesome
During our induction/training week, there was a talk about 'branding' yourself for your first day at work, because 1st impressions are supposedly lasting. Hence they advised us to get it right the very first day. So i did just best suit and best smile...all amounting to crap as i struggled the first month getting adjusted to various forms racism. The real answer was found in breaking all the rules of propriety and following 12simple steps:

1.Get a smart asian girl as your office email/gossip buddy. Why? If nobody likes you initially, they'll start to get curious once you let out random snickers and involuntary laughters whenever your outlook pings a certain email. Nobody likes feeling left out of the joke so they soon start to smile at you-all for an excuse to peep into your computer sreen whenever an email drops. Check!

2.On a random friday night, ditch your study plans and go for drinks with the girl who sits beside you and another fun guy. There's still no better way to break the ice than the classic game of truth or dare after a few tipsy glasses. The problem thereafter is that within three hours, two random strangers are privy to your most embarrasing secrets. The upside is that those two now become your tighest office buddies. And to get ahead in life/work,we all need buddies. Check!

3.Find your blog again, and fall in love with her. Go through your oldest posts, read the funniest comments and marvel at the ones that streamed over 70 replies. If you have maintained a faithful blog for at least some few months, chances are, therein lies your true self. Every other person you are trying to become is bullsh&t. Check!

4. Stop by at the west end topless bars. I was only innocently on my way back from a stage musical when i passed by a club and noticed a bevy of stark naked girls inside. I stopped, rubbed my eyes and retraced my steps. I was not dreaming...there truly truly were naked women that club! I deliberated a night plan diversion, considered what damage that would do to my pocket (i'm certain you don't pay 5bucks to oogle at anybody's muffins), then just satisfied myself with retracing my steps back and forth only a few more times across the club entrance, getting quite a bit of an eyeful before headed back home having fully appreciating the wonders of multiracial female bodies.#God-is-good. Check!

5. Never ever pass on a chance at the office xmas party to hold hands with a bunch of drunken whiteys and sing along at the top of your voice to 'its my life, its now or never, i aint gonna live for ever, i just wanna live when i'm alive..its my life!!!' Check!

6. Whenever your girlfriend changes her DP to show a better angle or some cleavage, be sure to appreciate and tell her how you can save the world and stop world poverty with just a jar of maple syrup and her hot curves on a dinning table. Inappropriate is inappropriate,but i'm yet to meet a woman who didnt say thank you when you tell her she's got great.....curves. Check!

7.When you get invited for a team building christmas event at Hyde park, never ever agree to go skating with the lot. Duh, Ofcourse black men cannot skate! With that bit of common sense in place, go along prepared with your camera and video recorder, get a good position next to the skating ring, have a steaming glass of Mulled wine by your side, and proceed to acquire evidence of the ones making a fool of themselve with embarrasing efforts of learning how to skate. Ofcourse this will amount to no good if you do not circulate the pictures at work the next day. Check!

8. Realize that the past 10weeks of Alpha classes have been the best time of your life! And that the bunch of friends you have made are truly just amazing. You have not had as much 'unquestionable fun' in a long time,and the soul searching and sharing has been purely revitalising. Alpha course will take you back to the roots of Faith, and give your mind&intelligence the chance to accpet what you choose to believe in, not just because it was necessary/popular in Nigeria, or because it appealed to your emotional needs, but because you now understand it...the histories of Christianity, the theological perspective, and the depths of the Bible. Then you will believe, because you now CHOOSE to believe. Check!

9. After you have done all these, you should by now be well into a chilled out gear, and can start appreciating who you are, what you enjoy, what you love about life. Your vices, addictions, the kind of music you like, what gets you going, how to relax, the kind of people you like, and most improtantly, you should have defined once again your swagger. At this point in time, you can start telling anybody who does not like you to 'go hug transformer'. Simply because you like and appreciate yourself, you're comfortable in your own skin, you don't have time for 'sme sme', you are pretty much allergic to bullshit. Check!

10. Decide to become awesome! I am product of enduring grace-i never fail to acknowledge that. Grace, since when at 8years old, i walked into my now-turned-pastor making out with a neigbhour on the dinning table...then at 10 accidently slotting in what should have been a mickey mouse club video, only to find instead Miss Trisha Savage sucking on something that did not not look like lollilop...and the stories thereafter are a long thing. But Grace still...But the thing is, for whatever measure of grace you have bestowed with, the responsibility now lies with us, to take hold of it, and begin the race with it to become truly truly awesome. Purpose to become the best you can be! Whatever needs to be done in order to achieve, get it done. Grace yes, but if you need to kill yourself studying, learning, dreaming, achieving, then grind your teeth into it, and make it happen. Grace is awesome, truly truly awesome, but i have a strong feeling that grace sets your feet on the is left to each one, to run with the wind.

11 & 12....may still be left blank, because like i earlier said, like all people, i still am yet to have it figured all out. And let the disclaimer be sounded that for the one who decides to literally replicate my experiences as summarized word for word, you may truly be ON YOUR OWN!

Merry Christmas to all of Naija blogsville....the smartest community of Nigerians far and near. #Shout-out to all the newcomers-who keep the continuity alive with much needed zest! I've been reading some super cool new blogs--fine things lay ahead for 2012! And as always, kisses to the ladies, and chop knuckles to the blokes.

Now go ye into the worlds and be a*w*e*s*o*m*e!!!Yes Yes, Just-do-it!


  1. Nice but ermmm *cough* considering I am a female,I seriously doubt topless girls would make me awesome?? *teethy smile* btw love that songggggg!!!

  2. This was an interesting read. It's always good to know exactly who you are. Merry Christmas.

  3. switching the naked girls to hot naked men... nice read. Merry Christmas

  4. Lara!!!!!!Hahahahaha!!!!lwkmd!!!

  5. but why would you agree to ice skate?... a full fledged naija man like you? :p You would have done better screaming on one of the other rides :p

    merry Christmas!!!

  6. Lmao why are you like this? :p
    merry christmas love!

  7. One should never miss out on a Bon Jovi bonding moment! that song rocks always.

    hmm. No wonder you understood F's T (from the previous post) you are definitely a boobs man. All itty bitty fans beware! Dont let Tnotes lie to you.

    great post!