I realize that i am going crazy without blogging it all out, so ever so often-for my own sanity,i'll be dropping a few quick ones. Bear with me if it lacks flow or makes no sense...they are really just T.Notes.
It is the typical story...i've always wanted to become a super heroe,until i got the shiny cape and realized that was just enough for me. All that jumping off buildings and stopping moving trains is just too much high risk business! And there in a nutshell is a summary of my marriage dis-inclication!
To break it down...i read the books, watched the movies and long ago concluded that it was sauvy to be a 'good man', so i pitched my tent with that camp. Good ole trusty, sensitive T.Notes-it worked like a charm. And you know how when something looks good,you kind of just allow it to become who you are--just stick it like the shiny superman 'S' crest on your chest-bham,that became me,and it was alright. So i became a super-heroe from my teenage years--the league of 'few good men' (somebody choke me). It worked even better being in the fashinable Uni.christian community--surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses etc'. It was cool to 'Lift up Holy Hands in church', Send the inspirational messages, and be a shoulder to cry on (yada yada yada). Y'all know yourselves now, don't be fronting.
But even in the midst of all that,i wasn't fooled for one second,so i receeded a little ever so often,wondering how far the mad man within me will spring forth when i left the community of 'Amen Brother'. So it 'took me a while,but now i'm finally there...#add-lid Beyonce#',and i have watched my pack of cards crumble like a salt pyrammid to reveal the naked me within. But gawsh, the wind feels nasty against my stark buttocks,so i grabbed an M.Sc degree and another church community to cover up before people started to notice. A busy busy Christian keeps the devil away for a minute-momma used to say. Feeling like i am fooling everybody but myself and hence for the sake of keeping sanity,i maintained a blog of mindless ramblings all these years. Scribbling within these pages:
-The finely encrypted addictions
-The random convos with total strangers
In summation,i wasn't fooling anybody with the red cape,and the sooner i thrashed it and started doing the makarena in the market square with my wiener slapping against my thighs, the better. But i had a chat with a bloke at the men's dinner from church and he said to me...you're really not of these things T,you're just acting up-because you realize the responsibility of the next phase and you're scarred of it. Hmmmm. Heck yes i am scarred of it! I've been running from this whole marriage business since forever! But i am cornered now and stark out of excuses. I mean, which one could i possibly give again! Everytime i think about the black suit and solemn walk, i get serious heart palpitations. And yeh i loved Tyler Perry's Movie 'Why did i get married, so i am scribbling my own mock reasons of The T.Notes 'Why i ought not to get married'. If i can get the list up 1000,i'm sending my petition to the pope.
In other notes,i just cannot yet imagine how to have that conversation of...
'Uhm darling, there's something i need to tell you. Well, i have an annonymous blog on the internet that i have maintained for a few years now...' (And for all of you who have crashed my privacy forewalls,well done o-God pass you) ;p
I'm a big fan of Alysia Harris. Check her out if she's in your area.