T.Notes...

2011 in broken pieces...

2011-12-31T01:22:00.001-08:00

When i look back,
i have often seen my life (even egoistically so), as a fine complete vessel that i handed with gracious dancing into His hands...
But as this year draws to a close and i quietly reflect
at all of the painful memories when that vessel was thrown hard to the ground
and all the fine pieces of me mixed with mud and tears and many questions of why...
I give myself away...

As the clock ticks on 2012
I have crouched low, and allowed those pieces be delicately held back together...even with glue that i suspect may be fragile and unfirm.
Many times i have screamed and cursed at His help..
'Why help now-you allowed all of this in the first place?!'
'Leave me and let me mourn in peace, start my life anew directions i only deem proper!'
And often when all else failed, 'WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME!'

I have not ended these notes with any amazing dawning to all of questions,
But still...I give myself away...
Here is me that was sturdy and secure, now needy entirely of your grace,
Still handing it all yet again back to you.

If I have not learnt anything at all this year,
i've have at least understood to drink full of the cup mixed with pain and tests of integrity and faithfulness.
And the words that remained etched in blood:
'Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial bacause, having stood the test, he will receive the crown of life...'

I don't understand it, but i see it...
that if you append your agreement at the start of the contract,
then when all hell breaks loose and (somehow) through it all you manage to hang on,
never once ripping it all to shreds,
then when all the madness ceases and the sun shines,
there truly is a fine reward.

I still don't understand pain.
I've often wondered if we did not all sign on to become sacrifices at the mercy of something we cannot see...scarry...
Entirely like C.S.Lewis explained in 'Till we have faces' (God bless his Soul).
As one after the other, it happens to the best of us.
The braver ones have held up noble faces to the heavens
and counted it all pure joy to face trials of many kind,
counting it as a privilegde...
I only wish for quiet days...feeling like i've been through enough.

I don't understand it,
because i didnt become a valiant warrior for all of it,
instead i reached another level of broken,
and a confidence that is not me and only lays quiet within.
Yes i know how to face some battles now,
and when the times comes again,
i know where to assemble my defences.
I won't be crouching or whimpering....

I don't understand it because my hopes have grown dim
I won't believe anybody who preaches lofty messages about utopias and wonderland,
instead i quietly observe and advice for him to wait his turn,
and only pray that life will not deal him too hard.
My hopes are dimmed because like a war torn soldier,
i still sleep with the weapons and a ready hand under my pillow...
and i wonder if that is how to live life.

A good friend of mine stayed with me for a few weeks,
and He loved the song by William McDowell.
I hated everytime he'd look straight into nothingness and sing along from the depths of him 'I give myself away, so you can use me.'
It just doesn't make sense, i'd tell him...
You have no idea what He is capable of turning your life into...
as my own thoughts delved back into memories.

But as the clock ticks on
and i find under the carpet, that reluctant missing piece of my fine china vessel,
the part of me that trembled at the thought of giving it all entirely...
I understand...
and i hand it to Him...
and walk away,
singing into the new year...

Happy new year folks
Don't forget to pray for those hurting.
May all of tomorrow be ever so finer than yesterday.
Emmanuel...God is with us...for whatever life may bring.
At least, that is my own confidence.

I Give Myself Away

Chorus:
I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me
I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me

Verse 1:
Here I am
Here I stand
Lord, my life is in your hands
Lord, I’m longing to see
Your desires revealed in me
I give myself away

Verse 2:
Take my heart
Take my life
As a living sacrifice
All my dreams, all my plans
Lord I place them in your hands

Chorus:
I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me
I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me

Chorus:
I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me
I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me

Bridge(7X):
My life is not my own
To you I belong
I give myself, I give myself to You
Chorus:
I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me

About a break-up and Two cups of 34C

2011-12-28T11:30:00.000-08:00

I could not have asked for a better way to end the Christmas festivities, other than a tribute night of Frank Sinatra enjoyed over sparkling wine with a beautiful old time bestie, all overlooking London's night skyline. I have concluded that when i die, and my loved ones discover hidden in a steel vault- the link to this archive of useless blogged musing..when you read this post, take it as my dying request that Frank Sinatra's 'My Way' be played as my charmed remains are being returned to mother earth.

But back to the perfect winter's night with F. that formed this quick post. F is currently going through a break-up with a long time boyfriend, and we'd met up because she finally wanted to discuss the matter surrounding the breakup. So, just as the curtains closed on the song 'something stupid', she finally spoke.

We'd all heard about F. and T.'s breakup at the same time. She'd sent a broadcast message two weeks before christmas with the brief words: 'T. and I are no longer together. BB will be turned off for some time-I'll be fine'. Then she'd sent another message to five others asking if we could do France over the weekend with her-she needed support. Who could say no. There were no tears in France., neither where there much words, and nobody pressed for an explanation. Most of the time, she was nestled into someone's shoulders and just stared ahead into nothingness. When it was time to leave on sunday, she finally cried, and said that was the end of the matter. I can never understand where that girl gets her strength from. Her blackberry has been off since then so i was nicely surprised when she sent me a text message to come for the Sinatra event with her.

'He said he's not satisfied with my body-He's not sexually attracted to me.'

I was taken aback. They'd been together for seven years.

'He loves me, we're amazing together, i'm his best friend, and he knows he's going to regret his decision, but he said if he goes ahead, it'd mean him sacrificing his sexual needs, and he doesn't feel strong enough to do that. He said he's never cheated on me, but with a future together, he sees it as inevitable.'

She managed a weak smile.

'So, that was it. Seven years, we've been through the worst, enjoyed the best, and gave it all up because my breasts are not big enough and waist line not round enough. At least he was honest.'

I didn't say anything. Maybe because i am not a fan of giving cliche responses. Maybe because i hate to admitt that i knew where T was coming from, and in an off-hand sort of way, admired his honesty, or maybe bacuse i was just short of words. Either ways my mouth said nothing, but my mind raced through alot as i penned this thoughts.

I remained quiet and allowed her settle into a left handed embrace. We asked for a refil of our glasses (maybe wishing it was that easy to also ask heaven for a small top-up to my hurting friend's cup size) and waited for the next song to begin.

P.S. F. is a really really awesome person. She's beautiful, funny, highly intelligent (i kid you not), and she's got the best smile. I reckon she wears a 32A...but T.V and porno reckons that good sex begins at 34C.

Love or Lust..i've ben asking people the question and everybody's so far insisted on having the two. So what happens if the two do not come in the same package? So far...no response. It's a funny sort of vicious cycle...we have commercialised and promoted sexuality...and are alarmed at the subsequent rise in infidelity. Who is shooting who..man and woman alike?

I am none a saint, because i have also wished for the two, and hesitated if i was asked to only pick one.

How to become awesome* in 12 Christmas Days*

2011-12-24T12:51:00.000-08:00

I walked out of the office plugging in my earpieace and allowed the device run a random shuffled playlist. The song that came through was Jamie Grace: Hold me-which i absolutely love! I whopped an imaginery hi-5 and literally walked home dancing all over the road-to the astonishment of many whiteys! And as i allowed all that madness run its due course, i realized that i am in love with T.Notes and gave up trying to contain the bugger into a Moss suit. Therein lies my first quick & random Christmas note: The answer to the question of 'How to become super awesome'!Merry Christmas Note folks.

I will admit (even at my age), that i have had the worst bouts of personality disorders over the past year!Which may be understandable, as i have gone from corporate to campus, to loads of pubs in bewteen and to...wherever it is i am right now-because i dare not say i have it all figured out still. Many days i woke up, recalled the previous day and looked at myself in the mirror wondering, 'who the f%*k i am?!'. Do you ever wonder who you really are and what you are about? I've been many different persons to the many different people i interract with so much that you tend to get lost somewhere in between. And the problem with not understanding and appreciating the one singular person that you are,is that you give any external person the chance to screw you over. Being screwed over or made to feel any less than you are worth, is not awesome.

So, how then do you become truly awesome in 12days? These are my scribbled christmas diaries of my own reawakening.

This is not awesome:
During our induction/training week, there was a talk about 'branding' yourself for your first day at work, because 1st impressions are supposedly lasting. Hence they advised us to get it right the very first day. So i did just that...my best suit and best smile...all amounting to crap as i struggled the first month getting adjusted to various forms racism. The real answer was found in breaking all the rules of propriety and following 12simple steps:

1.Get a hot asian girl as your office email/gossip buddy. Why? If nobody likes you initially, they'll start to get curious once you let out random snickers and involuntary laughters whenever your outlook pings a certain email. Nobody likes feeling left out of the joke so they soon start to smile at you-all for an excuse to peep into your computer sreen whenever an email drops. Check!

2.On a random friday night, ditch your study plans and go for drinks with the cute girl who sits beside you and another fun guy. There's still no better way to break the ice than the classic game of truth or dare after a few tipsy glasses. The problem thereafter is that within three hours, two random strangers are privy to your most embarrasing secrets. The upside is that those two now become your tighest office buddies. And to get ahead in life/work,we all need buddies. Check!

3.Find your blog again, and fall in love with her. Go through your oldest posts, read the funniest comments and marvel at the ones that streamed over 70 replies. If you have maintained a faithful blog for at least some few months, chances are, therein lies your true self. Every other person you are trying to become is bullsh&t. Check!

4. Stop by at the west end topless bars. I was only innocently on my way back from a stage musical when i passed by a club and noticed a bevy of chics stark naked inside. I stopped, rubbed my eyes and retraced my steps. I was not dreaming...there truly truly were naked chics in that club!Woohooo!I deliberated a night plan diversion, considered what damage that would do to my pocket (i'm certain you don't pay 5bucks to oogle at anybody's muffins for 30mins), then just satisfied myself with retracing my steps back and forth about 20times across the club entrance, getting an eyeful of sight-candies, then headed back home having fully appreciating the wonders of multiracial female bodies.#God-is-good. Check!

5. Never ever pass on a chance at the office xmas party to hold hands with a bunch of drunken whiteys and sing along at the top of your voice to 'its my life, its now or never, i aint gonna live for ever, i just wanna live when i'm alive..its my life!!!' Check!

6. Whenever TZ changes her DP to show a better angle or some cleavage, be sure to appreciate and tell her how you can save the world and stop world poverty with just a jar of maple syrup and her hot curves on a dinning table. Inappropriate is inappropriate,but i'm yet to meet a woman who didnt say thank you when you tell her she's got great.....curves. Check!

7.When you get invited for a team building christmas event at Hyde park, never ever agree to go skating with the lot. Doh, Ofcourse black men cannot skate! With that bit of common sense in place, go along prepared with your camera and video recorder, get a good position next to the skating ring, have a steaming glass of Mulled wine by your side, and proceed to acquire evidence of the ones making a fool of themselve with embarrasing efforts of learning how to skate. Ofcourse this will amount to no good if you do not circulate the pictures at work the next day. Check!

8. Realize that the past 10weeks of Alpha classes have been the best time of your life! And that the bunch of friends you have made are truly just amazing. You have not had as much 'unquestionable fun' in a long time,and the soul searching and sharing has been purely revitalising. Alpha course will take you back to the roots of Faith, and give your mind&intelligence the chance to accpet what you choose to believe in, not just because it was necessary/popular in Nigeria, or because it appealed to your emotional needs, but because you now understand it...the histories of Christianity, the theological perspective, and the depths of the Bible. Then you will believe, because you now CHOOSE to believe. Check!

9. After you have done all these, you should by now be well into a chilled out gear, and can start appreciating who you are, what you enjoy, what you love about life. Your vices, addictions, the kind of music you like, what gets you going, how to relax, the kind of people you like, and most improtantly, you should have defined once again your swagger. At this point in time, you can start telling anybody who does not like you to 'go hug transformer'. Simply because you like and appreciate yourself, you're comfortable in your own skin, you don't have time for 'sme sme', you are pretty much allergic to bullshit. Check!

10. Decide to become awesome! I am product of enduring grace-i never fail to acknowledge that. Grace since when at 8years old, i walked into now pastor making out with a neigbhour on the dinning table...then at 10 accidently slotting in what should have been a mickey mouse club video, only to find instead Miss Trisha Savage sucking on something that did not not look like lollilop...and the stories thereafter are a long thing. But Grace still...But the thing is, for whatever measure of grace you have bestowed with, the responsibility now lies with us, to take hold of it, and begin the race with it to become truly truly awesome. Purpose to become the best you can be! Whatever needs to be done in order to achieve, get it done. Grace yes, but if you need to kill yourself studying, learning, dreaming, achieving, then grind your teeth into it, and make it happen. Grace is awesome, truly truly awesome, but i have a strong feeling that grace sets your feet on the mark...it is left to each one, to run with the wind.
Check!

11 & 12....may still be left blank, because like i earlier said, like all people, i still am yet to have it figured all out. And let the disclaimer be sounded that for the one who decides to literally replicate my experiences as summarized word for word, you may truly be ON YOUR OWN!

Merry Christmas to all of Naija blogsville....the smartest community of Nigerians far and near. #Shout-out to all the newcomers-who keep the continuity alive with much needed zest! I've been reading some super cool new blogs--fine things lay ahead for 2012! And as always, kisses to the ladies, and chop knuckles to the blokes.

Now go ye into the worlds and be a*w*e*s*o*m*e!!!Yes Yes, Just-do-it!

Say a prayer for Ashley

2011-12-21T16:01:00.000-08:00

I'm sure most of you have been saddened by Ashley's trending 'secret' on youtube. But i ask that you do not only shed a casual tear. Instead, say a prayer every now and then for her and her family. It's the least we all can do.
Only God knows....

Sex Tapes: Did Nigerians get more Kinky or the Girls more stupid?

2011-12-19T16:04:00.000-08:00

Quick post:

Unless if every girl really truly does have a secret desire to become an internet porn star, i just don't understand what is going on back home with Nigerian girls!

This thought comes after i was sent (yet another) curious link of a Nigerian sex tape full blown on the internet. Clearly from the looks of it, this was a young couple getting down in their private living space without any act of commercialising their deeds. But also clearly (and probably unknown) to the female, the raunchy guy had a camera hidden somewhere. And the girl looks nothing like a slut, albeit a proper girl next door who might be cringing somewhere right now-if she knew that comments are streaming over a thousand in admiration of her...ahem. Well or maybe not, if she does as earlier pointed out, posses that inert ambition to become an internet porn star.

So has much really changed since i left home?!!!I thought we prided ourselves in our knack for discretness...or at least properly covering our tracks and not spreading dirty raunchy linen in public space, much less the www.world wide web.

My Point#1: For pits sake, if you're going to get down with a guy,either ensure that you do it within your own private space (not his house!). That precaution may reduce the chances of hidden cameras behind photo frames.

My Point#2: If you do have kiny inclinations and knowingly allow yourselves some private video coverage during the nasty, for pits sake, never ever leave the memory stick with the guy!!!No matter how much you trust him--your secret never ever stays secret once its on video cam!!!Even worse if he's a one night stand,boyfriend or non-husband!

My Point#3: The internet is for public usage! Get updated women! Know what is going on the Naija social networks scene. The www does not end at Facebook and twitter! And because you fail to know this,the mice come out to play (brandishing your thongs and secret tattoos) when the pussy is out (no pun intended there). Get familiar with all the less popular Naija social networks, and if you know you have a sex vid somewhere out there, best you check online every now and then and ensure you have not become the laughing stock of the day!

I don talk my own!

Here's a quick article worth a laugh.....

How to Keep a Naked Photo Safe

It’s easy to take a naked picture of yourself or your partner. But how can you keep it safe and make sure that no one sees it other than your partner or yourself? Make a note of these pointers.

Don’t show it to your friends

So you’ve managed to cross delicate grounds and now you have a snap of your partner in your hands, or a video in your cell phone? Nice.

But as much as you’re craving to show off your lascivious X-rated romp to your pals, refrain from that.

Showing off something that private can be funny and exciting at first, but would you want your pals to know every single detail about your partner, right down to the last freckle?

And what if one of your pals actually like what they see and try to hit on your lover later, at the same time slipping the detail that they’ve seen them nude? When you spread smutty stuff, you’re bound to get entangled in one.

Hide your naked photos and vids well

Read the fine lines on the pills and tonics from your last prescription. They all say the same thing. “Please store in a cool and dark place”. Voila! That’s the same story with storing prurient content.

You may be surprised, but most couples do have their own stronghold of smut somewhere in their house. Even if you have your own collection of homemade photos and videos, you need to be very careful. Most of the stolen videotapes are actually stolen by sleazy pals with no integrity or honesty.

Your friends may be the best in the world, but temptation is hard to resist. So why give it a chance to bite? Just keep it someplace where no one will ever think of touching. Ever. No kids. No friends. No babysitters.

The long hand of the law

A jolt up your derriere may not be able to prep you for this. Different laws do put its long hands in unflattering crevices. You may actually be caught and arrested if you have sleazy tapes of yourself. After all, possessing carnal nudity is an offence in some countries, right? That’s another thing that most people don’t think about.

Things can be real bad if you live in the U.S., where grannies are getting sued and arrested for possessing their five year old granddaughter’s nude picture while taking a bath! But fathers in India aren’t getting jailed for having a snap of their four year old daughter showing her backside!

You never know, the law can seem fishy unless you know all about it. For starters here, don’t let those snaps and videos leak out. You may even be arrested in a few countries if you approach the cops for help!

Don’t let your family find it

There comes a time when there’s the crossroads of luck and misery. And you may walk into someone in the family, holding your risqué picture in their hand. It might be the worst thing to imagine, but there’s a good chance that it could happen, unless you’re very careful.

What can you do if any of this happens?

Didn’t I tell you, you meathead! I told you never ever to take nude pictures of yourself or your mate! What is wrong with you? Now look what you’ve done. Gosh, how embarrassing! How many times do I have to tell you that taking risqué shots is risky business? It’s easy for me to squirm out. You’re the one who’s caught, you nitwit. You deal with that. And don’t ever mention anything about being enticed into the art of nude bedroom photography by me! Period.

But on a serious note though, take nude pictures of yourself or your partner keeping the risks in mind. It’s hot and racy, but in the wrong hands, it could be devastating.

So is a naked picture worth the risk? Who can be a better judge of that than you?

On a final note: It is left to you to either take this post serious or not. But i am not kidding...your sh%t is out there streaming live on the internet!

Disclaimer: This is not my life.

2011-12-16T17:30:00.000-08:00

This is the story of a guy called T. It is not my life...no matter how you choose to interprete it. But i will do best to re-tell the incident as it happened.

It is not my life because T. is a total bast3rd, and everybody who knows about this story has used even stronger language to condemn his callousness. T. was journey bound for Nigeria last week with his fiancee for their traditional wedding engagement. That was where i met the couple, because i also happened to be flying around that time.I noticed T. was fidgety on that immigration check quee, and every now and then, his concerned wife-to-be would look his way and ask if he was alright. Everytime, he mumbled an incoherent reply. All the way till the two had their papers checked and they were urshered through. I think it was at that point that T. realized there was no going back, and he just could not deal with it. There was abit of shuffle on the quee, and i think i heard him mumble, 'i'll be back dear', then he made his way out of the line and hurried out.I saw the look in his eyes and i knew he would not be...coming back.

I think his fiancee knew too, because she started getting frantic and calling his name. But he'd left her with three hand luggages that hindered her progress of getting out of the line in time. She motioned to me asking if i could hold on to her luggages, but the immigration officials immediately countered the suggestion and asked brashly if she was getting on the flight.

'My husband is...'She replied with confusion...'I just need to wait for my him, he said he'll be back...He...'.
'Madame, i'm sorry you either have to get on the plane or step out of the line. If your husband gets back in time, he'll join you on board.'

I knew he was not coming back. I watched him like a bad movie playing out in my head. He was walking fast, then picked up speed into a short jogg. He also looked confused...frightened. I could hear his breath quickening with every brisk step. He pulled a mobile phone out of his pocket and made a frantic call.

'TZ, come pick me up.'
'I thought you....' He didn't let her finish.
'Just pick me up now!'
He hurried out of terminal three and dodged into a nearby starbucks like a common thief. He waited there a sweating thirty minutes before a grey nissan pulled up nearby and he hurried inside and the two drove away.

I like TZ because she doesn't mince words...she's a realist, just like me.
'What the fu&k did you just do?!'
'Look i told you i could not go along with it!'
'And i told you not to go ahead if you were going to back out! For Christ's sake T!'
'Look, don't shout at me ok!'
'Ofcourse i'll fucking shout at you!I might be a bitch and all, but do you have any idea the chaos you're about to cause!'

And chaos seriously was erupting everywhere--on the BA Lagos bound flight, in Lagos, in the U.S. Phones were buzzing everywhere, everybody was calling, as the woman T. had left in the airport was making a very terrible attempt to understand a situation that was best only left to hollywood and bestsellers. I now understood fully what was going on, because her voice was loud, and tearful and disoriented as she made calls, and answered calls.

'I don't know where he has gone to!He's not picking his call! I don't know what to do?!!Should i leave the airport! Can you try to reach his t-mobile! Oh God, i can't breathe...was is going on...etc'

I can't explain any more than that...but for all who asked, does that answer your question?

pleaseeee

2011-12-02T13:30:00.000-08:00

Please ensure I get home tonight.
Tomorrow's D-day!

The last notes (marrried people ought not to blog)

2011-11-28T00:44:00.000-08:00

Who says I would ever get marrried?!

But my point nonetheless.Married folks should settle with their montonous diaper changing lives and wait for Jesus to return and tell them 'well done good and boringly faithful servant'.Yes I said that...and cue that for #1 why this blog is on the countdown.

I don't know where my non-commitalism came from.Which is why I have been here before and I ran.Quit my job,fled the country like a Moses on the excuse of needing a masters degree (which by the way I was allowed a distinction on).

But I am no freaksho(ace blogger btw).I'm not going to write a masterpiece telling how I have met the love of my life because last night I was still convincing TZ to ditch her bf and run away with me.
Maybe things we do to stall the eventual.

I think women scream about weddings.Men (most men at least,just let it happen and dismally watch the bank account dwindle).

Many are the words I could scribble,but I hold a 2000bucks ring in my hand now and wonder what the heck I am doing.

These are my T.Notes.

The last notes (confessions of a retiring blogger)

2011-11-21T14:13:00.000-08:00

Three funny things happened within the past week.
1.I called home,and mums tells me her church pastor's been having revelations that I'm gonna turn out to become a pastor.#Don'taskmehow

2.I called clueless-in-stiletoes(blogger with the sexiest voice and ceo of veniviici.Forgive me A,I still struggle getting d spelling right!),and told her i want to buy a fat ass diamond.

3.I called musco(blogger) and he told me he's seeing visions of baby drama in my life.I cursed his 2nd generations and slammed the phone.

I will explain in the following notes...

P.S T.Z now speaks in terms of when we get married,if we get married...and she's got a man...and I might be going to France next week for an evil job.

I have a lot to get off my mind...there are my T.Notes.

The T.Notes Quickie Quiz!

2011-11-10T16:00:00.000-08:00

Really simple:
Where or when is the name of God exalted the most-
Irrespective of faith,color and tribe?

Clue-its not such a quickie!

all the world's a mini skirt and random blogs..

2011-10-07T13:18:00.000-07:00

Good girls are the best,but a skank will always make a man look back.Matter of fact,a girl who knows how to hike a mini skirt and has mastered the abc's of seduction owns even your married man.#womaninthestreet,freakinbed-is all I want for xmas;-).

Just like the girl on the 9th floor.Once she gets off her sit,every guy observes the ritualistic 10seconds of silence-as if in worship of her winding buttocks and the wild places her hips take our minds to.

Have you heard the one of,#we live in a world of condoms?Talking about latex,never realized how highly sudsided they are in nigeria!No wonder the stagerring teenage preggers in here!

I've given up on the quest to tame my sex-thang.It is such a lost battle.I've been adviced to find me a girl who will screw my brains out.You know,the kind of woman who #does you,then gets off to light a cigarette whilst waiting for your limp d#*k to recouperate.

So on the flip side,I'm being wooed by a guy in the office.Suggestive emails,naughty winks,date pleas,the works.I always knew my loud laughter will get me in trouble soon.

Today I considered the fleeting thought of kissing a man.Brrrr..and that's not the coming winter's chill.

Talking about winter,ooooh,this one's going to be the worst.To all my accomplices heRe in yonder land,pls keep tabs on each one the other!

Because I am not totally unaware that my chances of going to heaven has been slipping away since the past year,I joined a christian help group in central london for people who are loosing grip of faith.It was however funny (in a sad sort of way) when it was my turn to tell my 'story' last week.After I was done,everybody was quiet.Go figure,you know you're in a bad place when you already know the text.

Talking about faith,pish,it seems to me (and my small understanding)that having faith back home was both a necessity and a fad.The real test,for me at least,is keeping faith when it becomes the unpopular alternative.

I need a date.Need a fun day out soon,and a blind date should add to the spontaneity;)

I am soo f*#king bursted!!

2011-09-22T23:29:00.000-07:00

The real reason why the loss of my laptop's devastated me
Is not so much the physical appliance,but the information in the thing-vital business and personal info!
I honestly do frequent random searches on google,expecting to soon find my name in the middle of some high level scam!(I've made a serious police report as the 1st step to covering my ass if sh#t goes down!).

Even more important is the personal stuff inside!
My hands are not clean-just like everybody else,
And I've got decades of entry in that laptop chronicling some very sensitive details.
A lot's going to go down if God forbid the stealer doesn't just format the whole system immediately.

And here's the most stupid part.
Did you ever watch the t.v series-nikita?
Anyways,because I've always been iffy about safe gaurding against data loss,
I frequently used to backup my laptops into a harddrive and also backed up the hardrive into the systems of 3highly trusted women with the promise that they'd never delve into my folders which I called 'my black boxes'
Yes ofcourse now I know that was naïve and stupid.
Yesterday I got a call from one of 'highly trusted' blackbox keepers.
Admittedly,she's been very concerned about loss of laptop
So she went ahead and 'mistakenly' opened blackbox1
Thereafter she sent me an urgent text asking a very very unfriendly question-
Concerning the guy whom one of our friends is getting married to next month,
And talking all that 'she is entitled to know' kind of talk.
Frankly I will not be held responsible for any drama that brews out of this laptop saga (not kidding!)

In summary,I think I'm pretty much screwed
People,with the same fervency that you'd pray for the safe return of a niger delta kidnapped banker,please,pray for the safe and urgent return of my baby-
Before my life in this u.k gets completely scattered!

BB blogging errors contained within-ish I hate all these handheld devices!

A question of faith

2011-09-22T18:40:00.000-07:00

There's a game children play...
They would run off a little bit and look back at the watchful parent with a mischievous grin
Mother would give a eye of disprove,then the child would race back home with giggles
As if he was testing,to see how far off he could wander before you admonish him to come back home.

I got a mail yesterday from an asian friend
She wants me to come with her to one of those eastern faith conference
You know the types that emphasise on meditation and visions etc
The background is from when we lived together and we used to have long discusions about faith
The background is from when I felt it important to make effort to share the 'beauty' of my religious faith myself.

But as time and life happened,the importance of that duty slowly waned
I started becoming like the child who would test the waters of straying
Frequently looking back up for 'His eye of disprove' before I ammend my ways and 'come back home'
The thing about playing childish games is that some day you'll grow up and it'd be entirely up to you to decide if the same eye was enough to 'call you to order'
Or if like in my case,even screams from the proverbial parent now proved futile to gain attention.

Far from being a stylish note of western religious-independence,
I do really wish I cared,
And that my heart would not be so cold.
I sincerely wish I could have carried on that conversation today with a new acquaintance
Without knowingly cutting it short due to the bitterness.

And this is the note-
I truly don't understand my days
It seems to me like all my former efforts of living within the accepted lines of approval brought me no gain
Instead my days are complex and the decisions herein get harder and more tasking to make.
I can't truthfully 'market' christianity to anyone
Because I know from all the years of living it,
That its a hard painful life to live
Yes,its lived with meaning and yes there are occasional reveries of joy and respite
But the responsibilities...

Soon I stopped looking back for his disprove of my steps
The farther away I can get from his hard responsibilities,the better
And sought opinions couldn't matter
That's just the problem with living too long within the boundaries of faith-you sort of get to have heard it all and can masterfully preach your own through every side of the argument
But don't it wrong,
Somehow somewhere,in all of these,I'm still holding out for a hopeful happy ending to all these meandering thoughts
If I've learnt one thing that's remained-
Its that for mosts,every thing...is all in phases.

This was a personal .note.
And being typed out on a BB leaves room for plenty typos.

Back!

2011-09-21T11:53:00.000-07:00

How deeply I have missed my blog!!!
It's a hard life being single and lonely-without my better half,sigh..my sexy ass slim toshiba mean beast.Whomever be the basterd that stole you away on that fateful tube journey,I rest knowing that he cannot love you like I do!!!
P.s,blogging with a BB sucks big time!But u can't keep a good man down!
P.s,another guy blew me kisses today.I'm seriously starting to be worried.

Yes yes yes I love working in London...

2011-09-08T02:55:00.000-07:00

Yes yes yes I love working in London...
So says the drunk guy after being knackered all night swanky pub crawling, karaoke, loads of continental food...and all expense paid for 23 new recruits.
Shhhh....it'd better not be said that the Queen's prestigious bank is paying for all these mess!
Woah!!!!Loving lavida loca
P.S I lost my laptop on the tube 1st day!Welcome to central london,please mind the gap.

What's the best way to kiss a wild girl? (And Life Interrupted thoughts)

2011-08-28T10:34:00.000-07:00

So,what do you think?

What's the surest way to initiate a kiss with a wild girl?
My usual inclinations are to lean within close yet safe proximity and ask the rhetoric question: "What would you do if i kissed you right now?". It's been a sure bet because most times the lady gives no response,which in my POV is as good as a "yes" or a "curious go ahead". The other sure fire means is to still lean close, abandon the safe proximity,risk a hot slap, give a naughty grin and ask her to close her eyes. Well,maybe none of these have earned me a hard slap yet because in all instances,both parties have either been unabashedly naughty,drunk,or.....in love (#sigh on that last silly bit).

So I had a dawning today in Tz’s apartment whilst we tried to come up with a last days splurging diary/agenda b4 we both go our separate ways. She’s off to Paris, and me in the other direction.#shrug#. As usual, we argued, amidst bared fangs and naughty winks, but that wasn’t any concern, until we got to the issue of “McDonalds Burger” and she listed a thousand reasons why the $8burger from Mailbox is definitely better and Mcdonalds is crap. But i love mcdonalds! Besides, i like my burger cheap, because hey,its only burger! And that was when it struck me that, fish sticks girls, seriously are a bad idea for a life partner!

And a cheeky voice asked within me, “so really, who is a good choice for a life partner?”. I replied ruefully, “As if i know.”. And that’s the main concern...i used to know. I used to think i know the kind of person i want to spend my life with. I had a very good idea until my family and cultural society pretty much f$ckd all that up. You may refer to this post. I used to think i want to be with a woman who’s smart, funny, gentle, refined, enlightened, not too wild, and if she had all that, then i wasn’t particular about what she looked like or what anybody thought. So i found that sort of person once upon a time and all the priests in the backward village of Nigeria “saw into the future” and insisted that there would be dire danger in the path of our union. Like really,who still believes all these garbage?! So after fighting everybody concerned with that ridiculous saga, i packed my baggage, said “f%^k you very much for ruining my life”, then i relocated to the U.S.

Ofcourse in the U.S, i couldn’t give a f^&K anymore, so i found better company with every drinking and partying skirt up my alley. Fish stick girls are great company for parties, road trips and every misadventure in between, and the best part is, the days with them are too wild to permit your mind time to think about the real woes of your life. But now the days are calming down and i’m drawing up a wonder list and questioning, really, what do i want in a woman anyways?

Type A:
She’s your best friend.
You’re both fanatical about movies and often spend evenings under the duvet enjoying a good movie or exploring a new album.
Her looks are simple. She's a little less (ahem) endowed but you love her smile. (I cannot for the life of me understand why i am suddenly so concerned about a woman’s physical endowment as a part prerequisite.)
She’s spiritual and wants you to pray with her every night.
She likes to cut your nails and play with your hair.

Type B:

The first thing you notice about her is her curvy hips.
The second thing you notice about her is her perky boobs.
You love how you both argue about everything, with an underlying knowing that you both love the flirtatious arguments.
When you’re not arguing, you’re partying...come to think about it,i can’t quite remember any quiet moment with Tz. Last time we tried watching T.v, she slept off.
She’s not overtly spiritual, but she goes to church.
She loves life.

Or is there really no big deal to choosing a life partner, because in truth, with time and space, we really can fall in love with anybody, so just choose anybody right?

P.S: I honestly do appreciate the emails explaining that time heals all wounds,but i respectfully disagree and maintain that, "when life interrupts our paths,its only natural that we change,manage to carry on with life as time permits, but we never forget or heal. All that cliche talk,honestly lets not deceive ourselves. How many life wounds have you truly forgotten about, have they not made you who you today?But what do i know uh? #shrugs#

See why i think its better to just talk about kissing.

And wonder the best way to initiate a kiss with a wild girl....

It's only a number T.Notes...

2011-08-26T05:40:00.000-07:00

I'm abit melancholic right now. Also knackered and seriously needing the bed after an early morning shift. But i need to put down this note just for me,and hey maybe you too.

Two things happened today that had to do with random digits. The first happened as i woke up by 3am and began an hurried preparation to get to Tesco for an early morning shift. On my way rushing out of the flat,i realized i'd forgotten to confirm that my staff i.d card was in my bag. #Dang!I need the i.d card because it has my staff i.d code which i need to access entry doors and get work done. But i was running late,so i took a moment to recall the number i'd been punching in frequently for the past year.I figured i had a good idea of the number,so i rushed off to work without checking for the i.d card. I got to work and indeed i had the number memorized quite right. I keyed into the building and work for the rest of the morning was a breeze. When my shift ended, i clocked out and left the building. It was afterall,only just numbers, 6digits to be precise.

I got home tired and found the mail i'd been informed should come in today. It was a huge package from the office,canary wharf.

It had inside P45&46 forms, information about my options on employee benefits&investments, annual bonuses, itinerary for a posh induction week, whom i would speak to on my first day in the office, stuff about company gadgets - mobiles,laptops,etc. And at the very top of the letter was the important detail i'd also been expecting. A six digit number which would grant me staff access into the towering bank's building. I didn't do my signature "whoop whoop holler" or scream.I only heaved a sigh of relief and called the number i was directed to call to set up an employee bank account for me. The lady on the other end was friendly and asked calmly: "Can i get your staff i.d please?" I looked up the 6digits on the top of the letter and recited it. She responded, "Perfect. Welcome to xyz Bank T.Notes". She then proceeded to set up the required ish and ooch in preparation for my first day. It was afterall,only just numbers, 6digits to be precise.

Did i ever mention that the Bank also sponsored a new work visa application for me? They handled all the documentation,paid for it and sorted it all out. All i did was reply their mails and send them my passport. This is the quiet:...I'm only just a guy,you know. That's what I said to myself in the mirror this morning knowing fully well that might have been my last day at tesco. "Why are so good to me? I'm really truly just a screwed up,messed up guy who's struggling to keep it all together.". I know people who've been here longer than me and are still struggling to find even a part-time job. And look at me and and my big head totally jumping all the red tape and processes.

God blesses us for a reason...i know my reason and my cross. Its like how those old cartoons used to say, "with power comes great responsibilities.". I fully well know that. But all the same...i'm really only just a guy. But a new day is ahead,and i'm not kidding myself to think its all going to be a stroll in the park. I still have hard prayers yet unfulfilled and You should see the caliber of Cambridge, UCL and LBS guys (n ladies) Smart ass dorks,&jocks the bank also took up!BUT GAME ON, BRING IT ON!This Naija no dey carry last!
I used to work with a Nigerian chic back in Tesco who's now booked a flight back home for september. In her own bitter words, "The U.K has nothing to offer international students.".I disagree. And its not just about the U.K or brains. Its the God behind it all. So like supercool neefemi, i pray for everyone who has a similar need to which i had. I pray not just that your needs are met, but they are met with a testimony that will astound anyone who hears it. God bless you...God never fails, hang on, and DO EVERYTHING TO MAKE THAT DREAM HAPPEN. IT IS POSSIBLE...afterall, i am just a guy, who's switching from Tesco's 6digit staff i.d, to XYZ's automated staff access PIN.

I still almost dropped a $50 worth of fine wine today because i was checking out awesome booty, but still...how He loves so...One of my Fav worship songs,because of the deep story behind it, how how he breaks down midway in the song. The song was inspird after he lost his best friend, but still...God.

And ending on a proper T.swaggerlicious note, DANG, I LOOK GOOD IN A SPIFFY SUIT!!!See all those naija chic heads turning in Uni. yesterday. They wan kill themselves over fine boy!

Oh,if you wanna hear the story of the song:

A love that celebrates weakness,and is true to God....i think that's what counts the most.

These oyinbo people will just be vexing someone sef!!!

2011-08-24T03:15:00.000-07:00

From my part-time work:
(1st thing in the morning)
Our records indicate that you did not attend your confirmed shift at Tesco High Street on xxxth August and did not inform us of this. You now have a 'No Show' on your file. Please reply within 24 hours advising of any extenuating circumstances or errors on our part or you will be issued with a Feedback Report and further action will be taken.

Regards,

xxx

My Prompt reply:
Abeg, go and hug transformer jare!!!

No dey vex me today, i am not in a good mood! Ehnn, somebody no fit sleep forget come work again?! Abeg, go and die jare!!

Kind regards

T.Notes

My real reply:

Hello xxx

Thanks for your email......blah blah blah.....

By God's grace,i should start my proper LondonBigBoy Job next month and all these ass-kissing for a GCSE Certificate holder will reduce. But seriously,i'm vexed!!!

Forget your worries and smile with this "Horny Tuesday" memoirs!

2011-08-16T15:37:00.000-07:00

Too many people aren't smiling in blogsville!What's up with that?!Please,quit turning blogger to a pityparty parade post after post! Agreed,life could pretty much suck atimes...we all have those days,but here's my advice: For the moment,kick back,indulge a smile and enjoy a horny tuesday experience! Because really,every problem in life is like a male erection. When all the stress reaches its peak,the excitement will run out of blood to keep up, you will come, and everything will return back to normal.An erection/problems,are only for a while.You'll be fiiiine!

Anyways,so today was my horny tuesday-made worse by the fact that i haven't started my super cool London Big Boy Job yet (Lol)and I hence have too much free time to daydream of BJs,CNs,ANs.So i did what any sensible person would do: I spiffed myself up in a 6-pack revealing sweat shirt,donned some perfume and went booty-watching on the high street! Note booty watching is defined as the fine art of taking a casual direction-less stroll with the sole intent of ogling at chics dressed in revealing summer clothes. Usage/Fact:Booty watching is best experienced during U.K summer holidays.

But for some reason,today was just awful for me!I tried all the tricks,but it all kept back-firing. Like seriously,i felt Heaven was playing a sick joke on me.1st off,my partner in crime couldn't bring our secret weapon out today because she'd broken out in a rash!Explanation: Partner in crime is my family friend who's recently married and gotten the most adorable baby girl.So we often take the baby along with us for weekend booty watching. #Don't Judge me ;-) We'd head down to the Tesco store and take turns acting like a confused single dad. We'd size up a hot chic shopping, then approach her carrying secret weapon in one hand and Tesco baby products in another hand,then play the act of asking chic's opinion on which diaper or baby food is best for a 1year old.#smirk! Trust me,it works 90% of the time for getting chic numbers!Secret weapon is just a babe magnet!!!And the best is,she'd never tell mummy! But anyway,alas, secret weapon was unavailable for today's horny tuesday!

2nd,I stopped at the PoundLand Store to get my regular pack of mint gums. Nothing worse than trying to chat up babes and the breath smells of cheap fish n chips.So,imagine my joy when standing in front of me by the till was the finest bootylicious babe ever!She was smoking hot and had butt cheeks staring right at me,playing "peek-a-boo i see" you from the deli thongs beneath her tight jeans!I praised Jesus and began working up my charm and thinking up a usable chat-up line.So i reached over with a smile, said a casual Hi,and GUESS WHAT I OBSERVED SHE HAD PURCHASED AND WAS PAYING FOR??Yes,PREGNANCY TEST KIT!!!HELLLLLL NOOOOOO!!!!!!That was RED LIGHT NO GO AREA!!!She returned a smile and waited for me to drop the startup chat,but i shook my head,mumbled for the cashier to throw in an extra pack of tic tacs,and i jetted out of the place!

3rd. As you could see,my day was going horribly wrong!So i stopped by at Krispy Kreme,America's #1Doughnut shop, bought a large pack of doughnuts and continued my stroll down the high street. As usual,there was Booty Booty everywhere,white,black,yellow,orange,making my heart burst out in praise singing "Oh Lord my God,when i in awesome wonder consider all the works thy hands have made...". I was at the chorus of "..then sings my soul,my saviour God to thee.." when i reached a bus stop with a double decker bus waiting for commuters,and there by the window was the most breathtaking HunBun ever!(Scratch my opinion on the PoundLand Chic jare).This Babe was a beauty,and best part is,she was smiling and winking at me!My mind did a quick math and decided that wherever that bus was heading was my new destination! I began fumbling my jeans pockets looking for change to board the bus. I found change!And was just about to hop in and join my Beyonce look-alike when i heard my name being called from the distance outside the bus!Shit!!!"T.Notes!" Dang!

I searched the crowd and who should i see but a couple from church! (We're in the same prayer/cell group).I cursed "shit shit shit!" as i debated if to wait for them or ditch the distraction and follow my heart or well,my....throbbing member.The bus driver was impatient.I cursed.He shut the door,and i watched my beyonce drive off.#Tears. I cursed and pasted a smile as the church couple finally reached me and the wifey started chatting away.P.S.Somebody reminding you of how good the sunday sermon was,is not what you wanna hear when you're out checking out female flesh.SMH. Anyways,another bus came by,and i told them i had to leave. I was finally released and i hopped into the bus to lick my wounds away. I wasn't really paying attention as i dropped into a sit next to a female,but Praise Jesus when i looked up at the owner of the slick finger busying away on her BB...she was a hawtness certified babe!The day couldn't have ended any better as i settled into the seat and said Hi.She smiled in return and said in a delicious carribean accent,"Gimme a second,tryna send pictures of these new baby clothes i just bought.".Like seriously, what the heck!!!!Is every under-20 girl in the U.K either pregnant or already nursing a child?!!!I turned the other away and munched away at my Krispy Kreme all through the journey back home.

Maybe next tuesday will be better for my idle erection. #sigh.

All that said, Loves and Hugs to all of us going through some sort of hard times.I'm a cynic idiot most of the times, but i'm serious when i say, "Here are my hands holding on and hanging on with you, things will get better and soon we'll be smiling over today's memories." P.S: Warmths to Neefemi who is as always, super awesome,even though she won't accept the compliments (thanks for listening n the encouragement).

P.P.S: Don't leave without checking out this vid.

It's just gotta gotta get better...God knows our hearts are in the right place.

How i became the inglorious basterd that i am.

2011-08-11T11:29:00.000-07:00

I spoke to a friend today and my heart felt like lead - out of sadness for him, and as a result of the buried emotions within me i'd long tried to stifle. But today it all came out like a dam overflowing its ugly banks, as i remembered all that made me the basterd i have become today.

7 years ago and some heated words still never heal. You can only disown a child once and its best done on his 20 something birthday.
Mother: It's either you choose this family, or that girl! Let me know your choice today!
T.N: (Quiet)
Mother: So you will not let her go?
T.N: (Quiet)
Mother: Then, You are not my child! It's your life, do it as you wish!
T.N: (Quiet)

The arguments were replayed every single day. Looking back,i wonder how i maintained a single opinion for so long.Me myself, i get strong head sha.
Mother: What is wrong with you?!How difficult is it for you to break up with a girl?!
T.N: Because all of the reasons you have slated,as far as i am concerned hold no weight. I am entitled to my own opinion- in the choice of the person I WILL SPEND the rest of my life with.I,not You.
Mother: She must have given you something to eat! They must have taken your name somewhere, that's what it is,isn't it?!
T.N(Dry laugh): Then there must not be a God up there. If there is a God, then the authority and faith we hold in Him should be bigger than voodoo and charms. If at all she was that sort of person-we know she is not.
Mother: You are just a child. You cannot understand.

For some reason, that one always stung the most. Being thought to be a fool, even when it was easily acknowledged that i used to be one everyone relied on in those days. I was supposedly the most spiritually inclined; I held the best grades (i must have at least been reasonably smart right?), i was the most introspective, i thought everything deep and through. She used to come to me for advice when everything was falling apart. Now all of a sudden, i am a fool.

T.N (Dry laugh): I guess i am a child then. I'll wait to grow up and understand. Till that day,i cannot do something that's against what i know to be true.

Its hard to go back to those days...the words were too deep and too hard. They cut deep and made bleed. Desperate,I sought counsel everywhere. I needed to be sure that i wasn't making a big mistake. But the others didn't see a big deal in any of the stress. The older pastors didn't, the counselors didn't,my older friends didn't, and worse still,i didn't. So how could i have walked away??

I remember my heart growing colder for all the four years that turmoil dragged on. I stopped caring...i stopped living...i receded deep within to protect the only thing that made sense in those days.I hate going back to those days.Dark dark days.I left the house when it reached its peak.I had the choice to stay i Lagos for nysc, or give up my privileged influence with the nysc authorities. I didn't care, i didn't want to be there anymore. So i walked far away. But pain does not reduce with space/distance. When i came back from the east,something had broken within, i was not the same person anymore. I changed.

There are many ways to consider the issue of parental discontent with your spousal relationship. Acknowledgely,in many instances, it turned out the child was wrong and was short sighted. But in some rare instance-like my friend's whose story i listened to today,there just couldn't be any visible sign to suggest that he is being the fool. Everything just seemed right...And in other instances,even where the danger signs are obvious,there is the element of love-so deep. Ahhh,the emotion is a funny thing,and can run stronger and deeper than we could ever imagine.My friend quoted from the final chapters of romeo and juliet,explaining that in some stories,both parties could just not bare the thought of living without each other, they'd rather die. And many have died for love. It's very common in india and asia even these days- i was surprised myself to find out. Ofcourse I don't succumb to the death decision (lol), but i understand where the idea may be steaming from. I have been there.

The funny thing is that even with all of the hullabaloo,the everyday living of marriage still holds most of its rough days. Marriage is hard work. Even where the two people involved loved each other to death and all of the world and the catholic pope ratified their union..there would still be days where they'd hate each other with the same ferociousness. There'd still be days when his secretary will make his blood burn with lust. She might cheat on him, the children will make their days rough, finances will still be hard on some days. And everyone of the unions must still battle against the odds of a divorce when the heats gets too hard. So yes the cynical part of me acknowledges that it may all not be worth it, fighting the world for one person...or is it?

But then again, when we are in love,as we all we be, love is all we have. Love, Faith and Hope for the best. I believe everybody should be entitled to that-especially moreso when the person's usual reasoning can be trusted. Heck, even with all the parent's good intention, many of them only endured their marriages to the end.

Anyway,i adviced him to write and let it all out in a blog and hopefully his last words will be a happy ending...he'd propose to her and the whole world will laugh with him. He laughed it off and said he'd try. As for me..well some people go through shit and heal and become better for all of it. Me,i just never healed. I just became an inglorious unbelieving basterd. That's why i have another date on friday with Tz.

I'm getting married.....to Anowa!!!!

2011-08-09T06:02:00.000-07:00

I mean.....

Viral Video of Lesbians brutalised in Nigerian university

2011-08-03T11:54:00.000-07:00

This is just wrong on every possible level. Lets leave the question of whether sexual preference is right or wrong, but whatsoever the reason,in my opinion,these men are just animals. More reasons why i'm switching to carribean nationality.

I am alot of kinky,but i couldn't bear watching these after 20seconds. Oh,i figure you are aware of the background of this madness? Sometime a while back,a video went viral on the internet of the 3ladies exposing alittle too much of what they'd been getting up to behind close doors. These men took it upon themselves to prescribe justice for their 'sins'. #assholes.

In the words of that BBC documentary, "This is Nigeria (not Lagos now).

Life,as we know it (My cross roads 4)

2011-08-03T09:20:00.000-07:00

We never ever grow old of our admiration for super heroes. That's why old men are still making marvel comic movies and nollywood is still trying to create what looks like an action movie. I liked superman when i was younger. I used to wish i had super powers, until today when i realize that along with being put in a saviour/warrior position,comes some really hard responsibilities. Such as decisions and actual combat(shriek)!

Suddenly i am questioning, How can i be a super heroe when i do not have the cape, and i do not even like wearing spandex!I've mentioned before that my bulging crotch even makes me super picky in selecting boxer sizes, talk less of wearing spandex and red pants in public!

Suddenly i am making excuses of, "I have a stutter,you know i stammer, how do you expect me to speak up against authorities!" What if it turns out that what i believed in and stood up for was all crap? What if i lifted up my magic staff/wand and the seas did not part? What if an eqyptian arrow hits me as we make our way through the red seas?!

And to start with, what do i know about the art of warfare in the first place? One sobering fear that gets to me every now and then in these thoughts is an old acquaintance who carried his big head like mine and said he was going to war against cultural affirmation. He did good for a while until he travelled home to the East during holidays and his car crashed - killing him, his wife, and leaving a toodler child orphaned and at the mercy of the heartless villager's tug of war for inheritance. #Shudders# How i wish i was carribbean!
But i try to reassure myself that that's a lone incidence,and hey, i'll be just fine,would still be running my mouth all over the place until i am 95 and need braces to keep them from dropping off my jaw!

And these are all just primal fears,aren't they? Should we live our lives and make decisions just because we were afraid? What if i was right....what if? What if i turned and ran,and that voice remained as a haunt through my days,telling me, "You should have stayed,you should have fought this." But that's all action movie talk...Groan..i wish someone would turn off the sky digital channel that my days have become.
/

Someone recently said to me: The thing about our African traditions and all of the nay-sayers is that,they never consider what will happen to the other person who has become the object of scrutiny. All we want to do is save our own face. And the sad sad thing in all of these,and even my own meandering thought is that, i know without a doubt that,if i was the one in the position wherein she finds herself today, and she was faced with the choice to stick by me or not,she'd never ever walk away from me. It doesn't still make it any easier does it...choice is such bitch. I swear,at the end of all these,i'll put up a shiny 32 grin of me lounging in the carribean brandishing my new nationality passport. You can all be there singing:

Me,personally,i've had it with all the bullsh*t! #FightThis T.N#

Life, as we know it (My cross roads 3)

2011-08-03T09:10:00.000-07:00

I've mentioned before that i wish this will all turn out to be being overdramatic and indulging my inner knack for theatrics...but i'm yet to wake up since this whole crap started and find that i was dreaming it all. The dang sickness hasn't gone away, my stress level is getting worse and i'm informed now to report to a family meeting in london next week. Do you see where this is going..as a part of me told me today, "To fight this, man.".

Now, in Nigerian style life, as we all know it, you do not pick a fight against your family. You do not fight against culture, tradition, and the last wishes of your parents. And if you choose to fight,then you are turning your back on everything. Walking away in the words of craig daid that's been taunting my mind of late. But i wonder against the fine voices of tradition,where my personal principles and hopes lie when it contradicts the genral fear of "family.". Its a hard one, and varied opionions will draw swords already in defence, i know...

You know that old song "Jesus take the wheel!". And i wonder, how do you tell the distiction between when to let go and let God, and when you seriously need to "Suck it up, and take charge of the direction you life would be going?" #LikeSeriously?#I know this might end up sounding luda,but its alright to pray and hope and have faith,but as of now,i'm getting sick and tired of the 'not knowing', and just wanna take back charge of my life.Heck,if i drove the whole thing off the cliff,i'd meet God with a half broken toothy grin and say, 'dang that felt good!'.#heresy, i know quoting from Joshua Harris' Blog:

Nowhere in the Bible does it say "God helps those who help themselves." But it does tell us that God helps those who wait for him and hope in him.

But a part of me still tells me to: "Fight this man.". The intricate details of these are hard. Like, meen,jeez!I've lived quite abit and have pocketed a few experiences along the way, but admitedly, none this difficult. Today i asked God frankly, "Why is this happening to me?" "Why am i at the center of this mess?". And i recalled my recent thoughts about modern day supermen.

Life, as we know it (My CrossRoads 2)

2011-08-03T09:02:00.000-07:00

Today,I said to myself:Fight this, man. But how much i hate drama! I don't watch Hollyoaks,or one tree hill, or any other series that smells like soap. I've always believed that life has enough worries of its own, why should i want to entertain myself by watching fictional turmoil. I'd rather laugh, or be fascinated by SciFi's or thrillers. So imagine my horror when someone decided it's my turn to become the center of real-life dramatics!

Note: I now officially hate being Nigerian and everything associated with our african traditional roots. Culture, believes, its all crap. I can totally understand now why many have left the shores of home, accepted the ideals of another culture and never looked back. I might never look back.

So,someone very close to me fell ill recently. Really ill, but we hope she'll get better. Alot of people freaked out at the situation, in particular, my family. Yes, without a doubt, i have my own bouts of fears,but being closest to the person in concern, i've kept them at bay and insisted on being supportive. It's my support that's become my reason for all of these crap. I don't get us Nigerians, seriously,i think for the most part of it, we're narrow minded, unnecessarily fearfull.

I've lived long and hard enough to know that, "Sometimes, life happens.".Anything can happen to anybody at any point in time. You might loose a loved one tommorrow, you might crash in a plane next week...for the most part of it, we can only do the best we can to safe life, but none of us is above the lemons and curveballs that life can throw at anytime. So, help me understand,why i should pick up my skirt and run like everybody else? What if in my running, i ran into an incoming truck? What if i ran and ran head first into something far worse than what i was picking tail from in the first place? We all have our opinions...of which we are entitled to.

Life,as we know it (My Cross Roads 1)

2011-08-03T08:46:00.000-07:00

I have often bitched about insensitive bloggs who go on and on about their personal problems and seem to forget that the rest of us take coffee and crackers type delight in the formerly lighthearted nature of their blogs. Since i realize that i am fast becoming one of such people, i apologize in advance. But to be frank, for the past few weeks and maybe subsequent ones,i'm needing this blogg just for me...if that makes any sense at all. Matter-of-fact,i've considered that the level of shit i might be disclosing if i am unable to revert to taking personal charge of my own issues, might just provide the fine culmination to these pages. Fuck, life just got too heavy! And if this all ends like fairy tale, then it'd be a fine place to put up smiley faces of the nut cracker behind this blog-because at that point, really, there'd be no more need for privacy or annonymity-having said all already.

Wordless

2011-08-03T05:54:00.000-07:00

On this day...8/3/2011.

Gidi Blues!!!! (Friday night par-tay)

2011-07-29T14:30:00.000-07:00

I am hereby officially missing my gidi nights~the occassional jazz n blues at the Muson center, oooh that suya spot we hang out on Gerald after work, MotherLan+lagbaja=Konko below!, the crew at Terra, Ikoyi club nights, roasted fish at country club, that african restaurant in yaba behind CCC (jeez,i am forgetting names already!)Finicky,or something like that!Forget all that silverbird and whats the name of its counterpart in lekki??!!...I can't believe i am forgetting names of places and streets already!!!Noooo,i cannot forget!!!Meen, i am ditching this place and going home for christmas!!!

But for the moment, sisi eko is rocking the airways in Brum, in preparation for our after dissertation naija party at Edgaston!!!!Ooooohhh!!Gidi sha, for all the sufferring and smiling!!!!

Oya Stop, I say Stop!!!Park yair, park yair!!!

Letters to future me

2011-07-24T00:18:00.000-07:00

Dear me...This is for that day you will wake up at 40 and wonder why i brought us to this place...(well if we didn't hit the delete on this blog somewhere along the way).

Sometime towards the end of our M.Sc programme,life happened, and i was brought to a cross road, faced with a decision to continue down a certain road,or change direction. This was the place (for most parts) that brought us to where we stand today. And standing i did,dear me. (If indeed Heaven gave me the grace to stand)

For some reason,i think back to the childhood story of PeterPan and his fascination with Never land...Incase,you have forgotten,something happened to us long time back,where we fought hard till we almost bleed to death...we fought for an idea,a suppossed ideal,and we came out with the goal. That is fine. Battles make you stronger,and they sure did. But like PeterPan,when something traumatises your whole being,you tend to subsequently lock it away in a far closet and choose to forget,wanting to be child forever along with the part of you that survived the wars....That is why i have always laughed the loudest,because i treasure the simplicity of predictable everyday joys and quietness.

But somewhere towards the tail end of Business School,those old doors got jarred open again and i remembered the reality of what it means to go to war. But you know,when you grow older, if you ever have to fight again,you pick your fights. You are no longer fighting for an ideal or a vague idea...you have now understood life better,so you know what idea makes sense and what doesn't...but still dear me,there is the bit of justice and principles that may constrain you. It is on the basis of this, that i am forced to stand up, forget Never land, and be a man once again...even though scarred as hell. But should i have run away dear me - because i was afraid?...Wouldn't you have mocked me as a fool? But what if being a fool brought you quieter days at 40? Do you see the tyranny of choices..you just never ever know. You only do your best, i did my best i swear i did.

I am not sure what choice i will make right now,but i know it will radically determine the course of our days,- heck more your days than mine! You wonder why i am so cynical and irrational,may this little piece answer your questions. The apostle Paul once quoted saying...'even if my life is being poured out as a drink offering..'Those are the words of a man who knew the implications of his decisions before he made them,yet he made them still...that is where i stand today dear me.. I know what this might lead to,yet i might continue...

I really hope your life turned out more beautiful than mine. I hope i did not put you in a place of regret and turmoil...I hope i made the right choice, and even for all the stress you might have to endure, that your days are still laced with plenty silver linnings- the fruit of the ideal that i choose to believe in. Dear me...there aren't alot from which you can base your decisions in life. There is God, principles, and the rest is just flakes from which you hope luck plays you a good card. I've found that God many atimes goes quiet when you have to make a choice..because choice is a gift He's given to us and will not take back. He gives you an idea and waits for you to decide. The best one can do maybe,is to take that idea,and mix with the best intentions-in justice and faith, then let life churn the rest out....Nobody can make a choice for you,nobody did...so i take unflinching responsibility.

You know all i am talking about...heck i wish it just turned out that i was being over dramatic here - if wishes were horses,i'd sure as hell ride out of here right now. And that's the crux of the whole matter, to ride this horse, or get off whilst i still can...that was the choice as the doors the NeverLand got closed forever. Behold i set before you this day, Life and Death, choose...what?

Sad (The Quiet)

2011-07-23T16:55:00.000-07:00

If you've lived long and hard enough,you'd know that life isn't always coozy coffee and crackers. Some days and times are b*a*d, s*a*d...but that's just life.

I wore a hospital gown a few days ago and laid out on a surgery table....I'm fine,but let no one kid you,some days are anxious, s*a*d...but that's just life.

Usually i would delete that last bit because i hardly put up personal posts that are too easy to decipher,but of lately i've been blogging just for myself and my sanity...truth...a few words....

On a different T.Note even still,I might have to brace myself for some rough days ahead...pick up the gaunlet and fight again. I'd grown tired of fighting, i thought Obama ended all the wars!

You know,i wonder,if you see trouble ahead,should you keep walking towards it(even when you've fought too many troubles already in your days),or just knowingly take a detour?!

P.S please don't badger me with calls (i will not pick o),i'm really peachy peachy good ;-)If i cannot offload here, then where else could i heyy?!

I love Inyamu's pages,she always has something uplifting:

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you."

So when do you get married anyways? (A blatantly honest post)

2011-07-20T22:10:00.001-07:00

This note is borne out of being awake at one p.m due to a wandering mind that will not let be. Hence, it may have no structure – as typical of many other t.notes. The crux of my question is, when does a man get married? As in seriously.

I have realized alot of things during this past one year. One of them is the plain fact that i spent the whole of my previous years in lagos cooking up excuses to fleet away from the whole cabal of marital life. It was, after i get a better job, after i finish my professional exams, after i get a bigger appartment, up until the best and last one – “after i’ve gotten a masters from an FT ranked Business school.” Well it all worked so far until this moment where i am tidying up my dissertation to submit, and the question is coming back to bite me in the ass. Only that this time, i have clearly run out of bright ideas. When does a guy get married anyways?

I accept the fact that the audacity of this post and my obviously underlying reticence from the institution of marriage might maybe be ironic, even a seeming spit on the face to many women who are doing best to deal with the depression imposed by parents and peers who keep badgering them with the opposite end of the question in their own right of ‘when will you find a man and settle down?!” Dunno, maybe in my own honesty, i might provide a hint of clue to the other side of the coin from the man’s perspective. Or maybe all of this will still not make sense...All of that withstanding, frankly,as per this subject,i would admitt that life may not be so fair to female liberty there. The thought of waiting for some man to make himself as some chivalric heroe that deems himself fit to come and sweep me off my feet and whisk me away from the endless badgering into his two-bit home as his wife & property...make me shudder!#justsaying.

As i have said earlier, the past one year has been a pandora’s box of learning curves for me, as day in day out, i faced up to the worst of me, like i many times poured out into these pages. I do not reject any of my experiences, even as of the ones i repent of. I point this out to highlight my most recent excuse to the question of this post, which i coined thus: I will get married after i have tasted the company of as many and as diverse of women as possibly can! I justified it as some kind of King Solomon’s irony (read your Bible if unaware). So as i did best to fleet away from the question that will not let be, i spent countless hours indulging countless, many times meaningless chats with some amazing women(giving kudos where it is due). Hopped buses and trains for dates in the weirdest of places we could think of...Enjoyed the wonder of starting off blind chats to the exciting trepidation of finally meeting the other person at the end of the screen...Been in beds with some...(rather ahemm interesting) women, and in this particular process, earning myself a funny reputation of being that guy who gets a woman half naked, then hops off the bed with some mumbled excuse before hurrying out of the room. As i recall many of these instances, i can only SMH, with a tinge of LOL, and evil smirk. I point out non-regret, because my intentions in all have remained noble, i have not put anybody in any compromising position (fact), no durex satchets were harmed during any of these escapades, and have neither broken any willing hearts. Still all part of the learning, i told myself...but still i have not answered the underlying question. And as a friend of mine quoted recently on FB...it is no use investing your hard spent life in someone you are not going to commit too—it is bad investment. Is it?

The question bit harder over this weekend as i headed out to a reunion resort trip with a bunch of old friends. On my way i passed by musco’s town, called him up as usual, (See i am ever so faithful to that man) but as usual, he didn’t pick up his phone. (Later he’ll be preaching to me. I wonder what he’s always doing sef!). Anyways, the jarring point of the weekend shinding was me finding myself the centerpoint of same ole ruddy question- since i was apparently the last of the pack still purposefully riding the crest of bachelorhood with no seeming indication of nearing any formal commitment. T.Notes man, what are you waiting for?! When are gonna get married?! I replied every of the question with xteristic humour, cynic cut-backs, sarcasms and many a evil winks. I thought i did pretty well as i caught the train back to base at the end of it all, except that their evil deed was already done, leaving the seed of the question properly sold and spawning within me – badgering throughout the three hour train trip.

I will continue the rest of these meandering thoughts back in bed. Trip was long and i am tired, but i will leave with these final thoughts....I know that i hate the idea of allowing my life to become normal and predictable, hence i refuse to make a commitment. I know that i selfishly covert my freedom too much to want to give it away to the bounds of marital commitment. I know that i am scarred of getting old and i hold a thought that once i get married and one kid pops, then i am on the fast track to retirement. I know that i struggle way too hard with too many of my evil devices, so i wonder how i will ever forever remain faithfull to one person. I know that i despice all of the paparazzi that Nigerians have made the whole of marriage become. I hate the jamboree, the attention, the glitz...please let be! I just see it as, if i am going to give in and do this, i know it might be a hard road ahead when i consider all of my devices, but i know that i would want to give the best to the person i commit to, i know that i have my moral wits around me. So i would opt for a quiet union in London, and face the rest of the ordeal in quietness and help from God! I fear that when they make a big deal out of the whole wedding thing, two weeks afterwards, i might decide that, babe, ehmm,this thing ain’t working ooo!!!So all that said, when and how could i possibly get married?!!When will i wake up and finally ‘get it’! Will that ‘moment’ ever come?

Musco asked me recently that, what’s so special about Tz anyways, is she so breathtaking such that i am stupidly willing to risk all of the common sense of all i have spent years of lives building?! The answer to that question may be relevant here. I can’t get married to Tz, (lol) she’s too wild at heart. But recently, we sat down and casually discussed marriage and as i guessed, i found her listing for herself every one of my own mis-inclinations/reasons not to get married. She wasn’t being callous or racey...instead she had the similar distant reflective look that i have right now casually typing these words, as she finished off finally looking my way and concluding...why should i get married T—however ways we consider it, it’s not going to end well - someone will just end of getting hurt. Give me good reason that stands, and i will get married.

In as much as this is a personal reflection...if you are reading (as i would be sometime in the near future), understand that I do not conclude out of arrogance, but out of frank wonder and quietness.

Good night...jeez i am tired!

P.S: Arike, i cannot seem to be able to access you blog URL. if you could paste it into a reply,would love to hop into your soup soon!

The word-less...

2011-07-17T14:39:00.000-07:00

...between me and YOU...
Even if this was all we achieved...
But yet still,i dare to reach out for more.

Is my...ahem...too big?...and this business of shining the congo!

2011-07-08T16:11:00.001-07:00

Musco and inStilettos are crazy nutters!!!If you want to laugh out loud on a lazy friday night,i recommend that you conference call with those two!(P.S, where in heaven is YN?!I miss her like crazy!)Anyways,I will use this note to drop the requested details about Tz which i could not answer then due to ahem...external circumstances. And also...this business of SHINING THE CONGO!(SMH).

About Tz,i have a question(which should answer your question).I.e What really goes on in the powder room when you're having a home-date and the girl excuses herself and briefly enters the bathroom?!Like really?!#perplexed.

modern powder room design by san francisco architect Schwartz and Architecture

I have always always been curious!And i wondered yet again when Tz took that infamous powder room excuse, then returned with her top blouse flying loose,low cut jeans riding dangerously low,looking so uber hawt,i didn't need a soothsayer to let me know something wrong was about to go down. So i did the sensible thing...of which you'd best use your imagination to handle the rest jare! But i will use that cue to treat Mena's fuckup here about this shinning your congo/kondo business.

Here's the great mystery explained:

Once upon a time,musco tried to chance Mena from T.notes, but unfortunately he was unable to last very long before he would orgasm during s$%x.
Musco was concerned that he was disappointing his new
lover, so he called his ever reliable friend T.Notes for advice. T.Notes gave musco the old age advice that shinning the congo before s$#x often helped men last longer during the act. Musco decided, "What the hell, I'll try it."

He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn't
do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open.
He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe.
Finally, he realized his solution. On his way home, he pulled his toyota truck
over on the side of the highway. He got out and crawled underneath as
if he was examining the truck. Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to shine his congo.

He closed his eyes and thought of mena. As he grew closer to a congo eruption,he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants. Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied "What?"
He heard, "This is the police. What the hell are you doing?"
Musco replied,"I'm checking out the rear silencer/axle, it's busted."
The cop says, "Well,you better check your brakes too, because your truck rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago." (A true not-so-old folktale retold!)

And that my friends,is how Musco lost Mena,and T.Notes got his game back on- currently cuddling, being a darling and nursing our vixen angel-blogger back to health!Lol!

A final note of caution about congo shining:

P.S Hi Mena:Hope you feel better real soon.xxx.

P.P.S: Oh,about post title...At first i used to believe it was just because i have this compulsion for excessive buyings of new brief,boxers and things,but what do you think, maybe i should get braces for my big mouth!!lol!

Have a fab weekend people!

24 lap dances after i became a london big boy.

2011-07-04T16:24:00.000-07:00

It's 12.24am. I just called musco a few minutes ago and he didn't pick up his phone!I don't know the kain sleep the guy dey sleep sef!I mean,what sort of conscience goes to bed when you need him at 12.24am!(Pls,I am looking for a new friend in the U.K.If you do not mind idle chitchats that will involve 911 confessions,drop your digits here abeg!)

To keep this short...i called musco as i hurried out of Tz's bedroom. (Don't crucify me yet,pls!).The annoying thing about Tz (which formed the title of this short post...24hours after i became a LBB),is i've been trying to get to the girl for the past 10months.And this evening,i mention to her, that, Oh,i got the job with XyZ Bank,and less than two hours afterwards,i was in her room (for the 1st time),staring at her amazing chocolatey hips a few centimeters away from me on a tiny bed and watching her twirl her hair about her fingers.....SMH...even i would be utterly stupid if too much had happened therein.(Is that not the kind Kanye called a gold digger?)

But it doesn't beat the fact that she suggested and i accepted....and i don't know sef...this U.K dey tire me...i need to talk to someone,i'm a serious confusionist mess!I'll be back,i need to give Rs a call. The problem with all these my other friends is they'll start preaching exodus and genesis to me, when what i need is NIV/the message.

7.53am...after a bit of night's sleep.You see the problem is not so much the individual episodes,but the frequency and intensity of them,and the fact that each time i only make it through as of the thin foreskin of an unused condom(even though yes i went looking for trouble myself in the 1st instance). And moreso,it isnt so much the acts itself,but the principle behind it is what ruffles me. Its like how Paul explains that the lawcode starts out as an excellent piece of work,then my sins find a way to pervert my intentions and soon the lawcode instead of being used to guide me,now becomes the devil that seduces me-using good as a cover to tempt me. So i don't understand myself, i decide one way then i act out another way,toying with the things that i absolutely despice. And its not once again the acts that gall me,but the fact that if i soon give it all up and abandon to my most tipid self,i become "common". Just the same as any common flaunderer...and i hate the prospect of being...common.

I need to start work.Bury myself and become a workaholic,that has always helped.Oh, N P.S, IF YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED, HOT-in-STILETOES is back on blogsville!P.P.S: Ignore the seeming egoism in post title,it's only a naija slang.

GOOD NEWS!!!!

2011-06-30T09:10:00.001-07:00

Your Boy, T.Notes,Got a Fulltime Proper job,in the U.K!!!!

A global bank (name withheld),head office in London, resuming september 2011!
And i'm not even done with dissertation yet!!!!

GBAM!!!

AWESOME GOD!!!

Random tweets....

2011-06-24T14:03:00.000-07:00

Trying too hard...

...reading and running fin.stat programs all day-8a.m....now 10pm...5days a week...barely 4hours sleep inbetween...cranky...eyes red shot....i think i'm the only one left in the software rooms in the whole business school....and i've got work early tomorrow morn.

...the thing is,i'm sooo close to that mark,and for whatever the selfish reason,i really really want that first!Maybe for me,maybe to shut the mouth of all these snooty kids,i want to walk proud when they take the roll call for the distinctions. Maybe the only blackfaced geek among the lot...

...if i can only just figure out this other new component analysis,the result might be astounding..that is if i'm doing it right in the first place??But maybe,just maybe that might do it.....head aches!Trying way too hard.

S.

Good News: Staring at a woman's chest will make you live longer!!!

2011-06-22T09:56:00.000-07:00

Whoopee-doo!!!

This will not end well...

2011-06-17T05:35:00.000-07:00

and i know it....
...but i'm acting like a silly child and not heeding the obvious warnings.
We should stop this whilst it still makes sense and the damage is near minimal.

You are going to fuck up my whole life...
Starting with making me listen to Monica!

But you know...the giddiness is a high that's soo addictive....
...then one kiss....

This will not end well...
and i know it.

Where's that anal T.Notes when i need him?!

*fuck*fuck*fuck*!

When I am dead

2011-06-05T11:54:00.001-07:00

You know the thing i hate most about dying??It's the sexlessness!!!

I think death was the worst of the punishments inflicted on mankind, that as well as old age where your body gets utterly useless it can't even feel for good sex anymore! #myopinion#: Sex is just about the best thing we got to keep after the fall. And the one thing i'm still wary about heaven is the fact that i still cannot find any good reference that talks about sex up there. It's all good to have peace and sanity and rest and being with God, but honestly God, this business about no mention of good rauncy sex,it gives me concern honestly!

I am afraid of death. Scares me shitless. And i wonder why? Afterall i think i've pretty much ticked off the necessary visa's for a hopefully smooth transitioning to the life thereafter.

I think it's the pain. Like you know how sickness can rape the body-like the merciless grim reaper till the final whisper of breath is sucked out in an agonozing spasm. That's why i hate visiting clinics. When i finally go,I hope i close my eyes with a quiet smile.

I hope Christ comes back just before i die. After i have fully lived out my days and i'm dealing with the drudgery of old age. Then Christ calls saints upwards and kazaam,i get back a youthful body and get to start all over again. I'd hate to wait in the grave. Its too quiet down there.

I hate to loose people that are close to me. My heart breaks. And admittedly, for some i don't even know how i could ever live without. I'd rather just draw my own curtains instead and have them live on added years. At least i'd be watching over them from above. I hate the pain of loss. That's what makes true love a little complicated. When you love someone so hard that your soul gets interwoven like a messy quilt,what happens when one of you goes?

Have you read C.S Lewis biography 'surprised by joy? When she finally died...and how his life got shattered...
"To try to exclude the possibility of suffering which the order of nature and the existence of free-wills involve, and you find that you have excluded life itself." So maybe we take it all, the good and the bad.

You know they say some people pre-envision their death before it comes. Hey,maybe if i die, then i'd be one of those people who left behind a mystery!If you have to write a post about me, you can link this tiny page here where i once spilled a little of my concern and fears. Sometimes we might tell God that we're not strong enough to handle certain ordeals, and He'd reply quietly saying only He knows what we're strong enough to handle. Yet i'd shrug and say it again, "i hope things go well,i truly am not sure if i am strong enough to handle certain things."

A Blogger's Confessions II: Liars and Deceivers

2011-05-26T13:50:00.000-07:00

Hi All...readers and passer-bys alike. Really,thanks for taking off your valuable time to stop by this watershedding memoirs once again. If you are new to what is going on,you might hoover your mouse over here and quickly familiarise yourself.

It might seem that i kept mute after that last post,but i can assure you that there hardly is ever any moment of quiet reverie beneath the worlds of blogger templates. That is really why i flagged that last post - to draw attention to all that happens hereon blogsville after the neat and tidy posts and cushy commentaries.

I've been swamped with emails from all concerned in the episode i knowingly kicked off. Clearly i stirred up a hornet's nest, but ya'll know i'm not one to give up on a good ol ruckus. Haha! Moreso when e-mails started involving namecallings and mudslinging from three certain female bloggers and one other big head dude!What!!!Don't be testing me and my big mouth ooo!!!Hehehe.

So,Mena put up a response, as she told me she would. But comeon Babes,you underestimate and take for granted the level of people's intelligence on blogger! Everybody can see thru that post and quickly tell that that was a weak attempt to make jest of a real happening! Any 5 year old can see that!Come on Love!

So,here's what i'll do, i'll take things up just one last notch,and i'll call a truce before things get ugly. I could be the bigger man and just stop it all here right now, but you know you hit the sore spot on that bit of "Mena: 'Thanks, but I don't smoke." when in all truth,ahem,we both know who smoked who!!!

So,give me a moment to pull out my wild cards,and i'll lay a little bit of the hard facts and evidence on the table. They say pictures don't lie uh?!Hmmmm.....P.S. Mena can stop this all right now by admitting that there was ABSOLUTELY no shred of lie in my last post,else i'll go ahead and strip the whole gist NAKED! P.P.S Musco was right earlier when he pre-empted that something really happened and i pulled that quick post to try to justify myself before the other party started singing. The question though is, who's the fibber, and who's the born again blogger here?!Double winks.

Remember how they say,"the wind is not your friend when you're wearing tight thongs and a loose skirt". Well,not really sure if anybody ever quoted that one,but it sure sounds kinky to me!

Round 2 is drawn open. Call truce now,or else we both bleed. Me,i no send!
(Walks away singing, "got nothing to loose,i ain't got nothing to loose,nothing to loose...")

A blogger's confessions...Bloggers I have "met".

2011-05-22T17:45:00.000-07:00

Further to my being born again, I have now decided to officially and publicly confess all my attrocities, many of which were accelerated here on blogsville, by same bloggers anyways. Some have argued that it is not my place to publicly call out my fellow partners-in-crime, which is true. However at the same time, out of sheer boredom, i have dusted out the burgundy diaries, and decided, hey “what the heck, let’s ruffle some feathers, let it all out, have a laugh at the ruckus, and when we’re done, bow out of blogger with the widest Cheshire cat grin ever!”

Ehmm,admittedly, some people are not going to like this, because when i refer to the burgundy diaries, i am talking unashamedly honest hard facts, but heyy comeon,lets all live-a-little-a-little more uh! (Lighten up folks!) So, i’m just going to have a blast and countdown to the annihilation of this little blog space. That's the beauty of annonymous blogging-you can just walk away from it all! Press play on my cruel intentions soundtrack here, then continue reading. (You know how you sometimes just get tired of all the neat and tidy blogging!)

Title Entry#1: Mena Udoko is ready, is she really?

After my first and only date with Mena, I am not proud to admit that my crotch literally needed an icepack for the rest of the night. Hear me out first before you let your mind run away with you.

12am. Hendon, London.
Mn: You’re joking TN. After ditching a proper working bloke, you’re telling me that’s all you have to offer! (She cursed me in Benin lingua).
Etc....

Mena was not the first girl i dated off blogger, so note that this is not in a chronological order of event. Also note that by the word date, i only mean casual outing and some ‘hums, as you will find out. Also respect the fact that in all cases, both parties were duly aware of the irresponsible and non-committal nature of our shenanigans. Nobody was seeking for a marriage partner, so a little less judgemental now. Besides, as far as i know, i am now born again and going to heaven, but as for the rest of the people involved, only they can tell.

Skype Conversation. November 2010, 1am (Edited conversation)

TN: Watcha doing up at this evil hour?
Mn: (Shrugs) Can’t sleep. You?
TN: Coursework. Whatsup?
Mn: Close the frigging books and keep an idle girl company jor!
TN: Grrr. Books closed. What’s on your mind?
Mn: The date yesterday was shit. Don’t you even dare say i told you so.
TN: Na you know. Should i count how many times i’ve asked you out. Your shakara pass shakira’s own!
Mn: That was lame! Zero over hundred, i’m disappointed. Hiss.
TN: I’ll be working in London next week. Let’s check out mo*vida. You know you won’t be disappointed.

Mn: Forget it, I’m not going out with you TNotes.
TN: I’ll be done at work about 8pm. I’ll call you.
Mn: My phone will be off by 7.55.
TN: I hear you. Anyways, why is your web cam off?
MN: You don’t want to know.
Insert black and white content screen filter here.

BB,London 9pm.

TN: Yo!
Mn: Ds is ur 8pm abi?
TN: Oyinbo ppl too lyk work. Didn’t release us til 8.45. Will b on the Victoria in 5. Meet@oxford?
Mn: Changed my mind, not in party mood 2nyt. Maybe if you called 45mins earlier.
TN: K. No wahala. L8r.

PhoneCall, Hendon,London (Mena’s crib) 36 mins later

TN: It’s cold. Abeg come and open the door.
Mn: Which door?!!!
Tn: Heritage avenue ofcourse! Don’t let your neighbours call the police for black man standing at the door!
Mn: Idiot! Did i ask you to....

Face-to-Face 10.10pm.

Mn: TNotes!!!
TN: (Whistles)
Mn: You Idiot, did i ask you to come to my house!
TN: (Tried to enter apartment) Why are you dressed up - i thought you said you were not interested in mo*vida.
Mn: (Restricted my movement) Well, I was, until I had a proper date.
TN: (Pushed her hand aside, stepped in and shut patio door) So you ditched me for all these innit boys.
Mn: He’s not a broke ass M.Sc student like you.
TN: Abeg jare, I have prospects! You know the guy is boring as hell, let’s smoke him out and hit town.
Mn: (Hushed tone) Keep your voice down now. We’ll hook up some other time.
TN: Lai lai. I’m gate crashing. If we had done mo*vida as planed, we’d be out till 4a.m. Now however, i’m homeless till trains start service in the morning.
Mn: (She was getting impatient) T.N, you have other friends in London jor!
TN: Mena, there’s no two ways about it. With this monostrap mini thingy you’ve got going on, i am crashing at your place. She you had mouth on blogger and skype with all the illicit talking.
Mn: Are you not hearing me, i am on a date!
TN: (I know i am wicked, but i was laughing loudly as i forced my way into the living room space): Date or booty call, which of the above?
I enter the living room, and guess who was sitting sprawled like a lazy hippo on the mid-sofa!
.................................................................................

Disclaimer: This is T.Note's handiwork.Any beef should be directed at him-I swear, I have no idea how this post got in here!

I hat*e Blogging!

2011-05-21T09:13:00.000-07:00

It is really as simple as that!

Oh,and to be honest,i really don't like some bloggers. They just act and talk alot of s*h#iT! P.S...if i have ever confessed my love to you on your blogg,then i really do want to hook up with you. If however i dislike you,i just skim thru,SMH and usually leave no comments,at least until now.

I think i'm a crummy mood and just took it out on someone. WTH..whatever!

Bitter Sweet Victories: Still Standing, Standing Still.

2011-05-13T15:25:00.000-07:00

PostGrad Term2 Results were awesome!

It's bittersweet because aside from that, everything is pretty much a mess.
(Side laughs),you don't even want to know the extent,so let's just leave that one between me and the God who only can sort things out at this level...

But in the awesomely encouraging words of inyamu's eldorado,we might be barren and broken,but still blessed and beautiful!

On my replay list is:

You know the kind of victories where you want to laugh out loud, but you can't because the celebration seems like a lone gem amidst of so much mess all around.

Results were awesome,as in,really.

S.

All T.Notes go to Heaven!

2011-05-04T02:07:00.001-07:00

T.Notes gave his Life to Jesus and got baptised yesterday!

No more flirting around with female bloggers; No more evil escapades. From now on, All T.Notes go to heaven!!!Aye Aye!!!

Then today, we settled down in the library to kill off some dissertation work, and guess who saunters in with the juicest behind i have ever seen in all my life! Ooooh,this born again thing!Ever notice that there's atimes a fine divide line between the commitments you make in prayers and when you open your eyes to 'real life afterwards"?

T.Baby!

The Quiet...

2011-04-30T03:47:00.000-07:00

In between here....and here,is unspoken pain,the late night ponderings of what in heaven have i done,am i doing...as we crest from short highs to much longer valley lows...

In between here...and here,are the untold stories inbetween...being stranded at 3am in another town far from 'home',the doctor's appointments for worry induced sickness,the curses and the sighs, which make no sense in the end because we still pick ourselves up in the morn and better get back to it. (Ironu o san gbese is what the yorubas say,i.e postulations and ponderings do not pay the bills.)

In between here...and here is where i was yesterday and where i am today, and even though it makes no rational sense comparing for decisions already made,i still do earnestly hope that this all makes sense. You know how the hebrews slaves used to wonder that, maybe Isreal/captivity really wasn't that bad when you think about it here in this hot desert.

In between here...and here,is a brief quiet, a sort of momentary pause,before we get back to the grind. You know what really really smarts about the whole thing is,you just cannot do crap about it,except to just keep moving,one step after the other,keep walking...even though this note is hardly adequate to communicate...

...But he knows the way that I take...Job 23:10,right???Just tell me it'll be fine,and i'll make it through another couple of weeks.

S.

P.S: T.Notes is temporarily incarcerated in the wardrobe screaming something about running behind on BET Award nominations. If you are interested in getting the bugger to new york to grab that award,then visit yada mag and drop your vote.

Now that I am Almost Famous!!!!

2011-04-26T12:41:00.000-07:00

Hey Folks, I've been mentioned on live BET talk show!!!

Yes,you got that right,and even more exciting, i've been put up for their online personality of the year award!Cool Uh?!!!

Well to be frank,I'd say I wonder if those folks confused my name with someone else,but nonetheless,ya'll have to put your festering beef and (rightfully-so) green eyed monsters (jealousy) aside, and rush over to BET to vote for me!!!I can see it now, my name in shimmering lights all over 106&Park!!!!Haaaa....See Mummy,I told you, I told you i'd make it one day!!!

So,there are two things you have to note:

1.Without a doubt,I intend to have my own full blown award french kiss!!!So,to my fly female buddies who've got a current U.S Visa,I'll be needing a date!Let's discuss that off blogger.

2. Rush over to the voting pages here and drop your vote everywhere you see T.Notes!In order words, go here and Plesh your hands plsssss,Plesh your hands!!!

3.Much Loves to the Folks at Yada Magazine,who are doing a fantastic job over there!And thank you for the recognition....because,really,what do i know anyways?!!!

She likes a "Black" Man and other Notes.

2011-04-21T03:21:00.000-07:00

This ought to be quick.

She says she feels safer with a "Black Man" in the house.
She says she likes the extra buff, the broad shoulders, and the manly chiselled features.

She says the "Black Man" is resourceful...
He stays up all night thinking of how to sort out the problems,
and she is able to sleep sound, trusting that he will have a solution in the morning.

She says she likes that he is 'street', and at the same time a bad ass professional.
She likes the combination of rugged and smart...
She thinks it is rare.

She says she likes his spirituality..
she doesn't necessarily believe it all the time,
but she says its reassuring that He is close to someone,something bigger than everything.

She says she likes to walk hand in hand with him on the roads,
it feels different,daring...
yet comfortable, because people are afraid of what is different.

She says she likes his hands,
...tough,wide,able to grasp hold of...'things'..and 'other things'...
She says....she says...she says....

And the crux of it all is, I think she's right.
What do you think about your chocolate brother?

In other T.Notes.

1.Welcome back SOSEXY
Like,WHERE THE HECK HAVE YOU BEEN?!!!

2. I'm walking tall to pay the last and final instalment of my fees today! The relief,cannot be explained in words. No debts,no further instalments, no oweing any corporation for 15years.It's done done done!!!

3. I only mention number 2, because, if God can be good enough to sort me out, then, without a doubt, keep trusting too!

A very messed up Note!!!

2011-04-19T10:56:00.000-07:00

Without needing to state the obvious,you will notice i have pretty much messed up this page!!!!I assumed a house re-do will only take a second,but clearly it's going to need some seating down. So for the mo,just assume i do not exist, and ignore my wahala for now. I will content myself on being a nuisance on your own pages till i put this back together again!

Cheers peeps!

If you've not Lol'ed at this, you are soo wrong!!!

2011-04-19T09:37:00.000-07:00

Oh jeez,that is soo legendary!!!!LMAO!!!Ensure you watch to the very very end!!!

Cracks me up every time!!!

How to kill a mocking blogg. (911, PLEASE READ!)

2011-04-09T16:33:00.000-07:00

People, we have a situation on hand! I will speed blog this; hope to make sense and get back to trying to sort out this mess!

My mobile alarm woke me up today at two p.m, with that sledgehammer hangover ‘ish feeling and no recollection of the previous night’s events - I already knew it wasn’t going to be a good day. I tried to reach over for the painkillers on the nearby table, but my movement was hindered by a curious weight on my chest. The weight stirred, lazily pulled some blond hair away from its face and smiled, “Hi Notes.”. I was confused.

“Do i know you?”
She giggled, and as she did, i observed she was stark naked, because her badonkadonk bounced rhythmically. “You’re funny T.” She replied lazily.

I noticed then that i was also naked. So my mind was clearing and quickly taking stock of a bad situation. There was a naked, very sexy Asian girl on my bad; the bed side table was littered with empty sachets of condom packs, meaning this mistake was premeditated; she was calling me T.Notes-which is bad, because drunken sex orgies should not awaken with either parties knowing each other’s name; and finally most important, it was two p.m and i very well remembered that i was scheduled to have a house call meeting with our youth pastor today at two. p.m- i had set the reminder two days ago.

“Uhmm...can you please get dressed.” I tried easing off from underneath her and my movement flipped her over, showing off more..of...that kazonkas heaven. Something i should not be viewing before a prayer meeting. Mena,I blame you for your hand in this. Mena advised me to join the local redeem church near to me. I did. Mena also advised me to loosen up abit this weekend, and i did. Now....Now, the door knocked and i cursed, “F*c!k F%c* F^ck!”

You know how they say when God finally decides to deal with your screw up; he will expose you and do you in nicely. I hurried off the bed and ofcourse heat-seeking love missile was not cooperating with the urgency of the situation. Down! down! down!- bad timing!(P.S, i could write a whole separate blog describing to you the heaveness of Mia’s nakedness and then you might understand!).

“Please, stay in bed!” I reiterated to a now suspicious looking Mia, as i slung on a pair of jeans, almost chocking Godzilla in the process. “Do not, leave the bed!”. I hurried out and went for the door. Pastor Isaac was waiting. He smiled. “Hello Brother S.”

The rest of what happened was pretty fast, and I am still reeling trying to comprehend it all. To summarize it all, Mia did not stay in bed. Mia assumed I was trying to corner off another woman, so she joined me by the door, insisted on seeing who I was trying to ward off MY OWN APPARTMENT, and in the process, (purposefully) flashed some of that heavens to...Pastor Isaac. Things went down hill thereafter. Pastor was livid. He swore, he cursed, he called me a wolf in sheep clothing, a possessed fornicator, a bastard. Then he lost his phonetics and cursed me in pidgin English, and then in thick igbo dialet. But you know,one thing rang in all that Pastor Isaac said to me this afternoon. He said I need deliverance, and I must start with myself. He said, I must expel the immoral brother (or maybe he meant I am expelled from the church- I’m not sure). But I interpret it to mean, I MUST EXPEL T.NOTES!

That scallywag swine, this whole thing is his fault, not mine! So, this is my public letter to T.Notes:

Enough is enough, you scumbag (apparently synonymous to a used condom!)! You have ruined my life well and fair enough, and now, i must expel you like pastor Isaac has adviced! T.Notes is not me. T.Notes is like Beyonce’s sasha fierce, except that he’s not even getting me any record or book deals worth all his meandering with my life! He’s taking over everything like a virus. Nobody knows me anymore, they only know T.Notes. In school, it’s T.Notes, in the club, it’s T.Notes. On twitter, the same scumbag. Every where I try to start something productive and positive, he rears his ugly head and takes over! This is not the first time that i am waking up wasted and trying hard not to remember what I had gotten up to the previous night. And trust me, that has been the least of the problems. So, T.Notes, i am writing this here, because i know that you will return when i am off to productive honest work. I want the whole world to know you for the menace that you have become before i shut your lights finally for good. We’re done men! Done done done! Your days are numbered now. This is your quit notice, so start packing.

And whilst you’re at it getting your mess cleared off my life, kindly tell Mia not to bother calling me back. If you can afford it, go get your own blackberry. Looser!

Signed
S.(the real owner of this blog). Jeez, i need some panadol and What do you think I should do about Pastor Isaac?

Loosing Our Masks: Stripped!

2011-04-08T12:39:00.000-07:00

Have you noticed that a number of old timer bloggers are retiring their annonymity??My Sis NaijaLines just did the unthinkable-stop by her blogg and sight the face behind the words we've known for years now Stripped.

Talking about loosing face....I think the end is nearing for T.Notes too. Dunno,seems me and that rascal bugger are at a crossroad where something's gotta give. Either we move into the faced blogging along with my finer respectable veterans,or....i don't know...something's just gotta give.Things have gotten too quiet around here.

I gave it a little shot on another naija community that i pen words. Put up a picture there, and i'm not too sure i like the feeling. Feels naked....naked....Though on a cheerrier note,it's gotten me some nice attention with the ladies!!!!Hahaha!!!Suddenly i'm having alot of friends around there,and finally some renowed respectability!!!I'm getting BB pins,e-mails,and 'ish like free wedding confetti. Jeez,you'd think i was all that...if i might dare so say so myself...ahem!

Truth or Dare uh?

Published Changes to U.K Immigration laws for PSW

2011-03-17T12:01:00.000-07:00

No changes, other than those set out in 7.16 and 7.17 below, are being made to the Tier 1 (Post-Study Work) category, which caters for international graduates who have studied in the UK and wish to work following their graduation.

I've only scanned quickly through the published documents and noted the few changes,which are just slight annoyances, but there are no such changes as the rumours were carrying. You may download and view the documents here, for yourself.

So,please,stop the rumours and face your studies!

Kisses (For the Chics only)

From T.Notes to you..as in really.

2011-03-14T10:36:00.000-07:00

A quickie.....

I have a question now. As in,really-this is without all cynicism,and i'd appreciate candid answers.On my way back home today,my mind pondered as usual,and this time, i asked the question,'does it ever really stop?'. No,this time,i am not making crude sexual innuendos or taking quirky jabs of anything sexual related. I'm being frank here,and leading this to a viable concern.

C.S.Lewis implied in the screwtape letters that,a reliable trick to make the human get the impression that a certain temptation never gets better, i.e, they'll never be over it, and they'll fight it for the rest of their lives. Now, when faced with this kind of crude reality, the most human option is to give up and jump ship immediately.C.S Lewis' opinion is that,at some point in time, we mature over whatever the tempt is. I'm not sure i believe that.

I need to flag a warning here before i delve further. It's fine,i kid quite quite alot, but for the average reader,you should undertstand that for most parts,i do my bit to hold myself to a certain level of decorum/order. But i am exposed,quite,and to a large extent,very very f*ckd up. So in essence,you could summise T.N, as a pretty f*ckd up guy who'd trying to make the best of things. You get the drift? Now moving further,because i am pretty much one heck of a job,i happen to find myself in all kinds of..well,unregular situations,and subsequently,the order of the day is usually,oh f*ck,what have you gotten yourself into now, ad how do we sort this out before things get out of order?In essence,i'd say i've spent the most parts of my days, after i decided i want to stop being too f*cked up, basically trying not to screw things up any further.So,my question is, admittedly,because of my past and present issues,i am probably more inclined to find myself in a f scenerio than maybe most people do. So,my question boils down to, will i ever get to the point/place where i am totally convinced and operating on the level where a quick romp is not primary on my mind?

That's part of why i have commitment issues. I don't want to be the kind of man/husband who maintains Mia,Tz,Rs on the side for the days when the disatisfaction with the woman at home surmounts common sense. Which is fine, as a noble intention. But is it attainable?I don't think so.I don't see me as..you know, The Good Man!The stable Man!The reliable husband!Even as much as i want to be..yet i don't even want to be!How do you get content with one person for the rest of your life and kill the inclinations when a pesky text keeps flagging on the other side!

In this so called my bid to be good,i've put up the most ridiculous restraints,you don't even want to know.But on the flip side, whenever i take a step back and examine this my so called life.....is it more noble to try to be noble,than in your bid to be a noble, be a f*ckn liar???And how much longer am i going to keep blowing off all these invites with flimpsy excuses.

...I haven't proofRead this, so if it makes any sense to you...drop a response ;-)

Well, lookie what i found!

2011-03-13T17:55:00.000-07:00

Just Beau uh??!!!*Smirk*!

On another T.Notes,Hullos Peepadales!!!!How u been? Got exams tomorrow!Whoop Whoop!And i am typing this under the influence of massive headache,hangovers and need-to-sleep-syndrone!(Did i spell that right??Too lazy to do a spell-check jor!)..Anyways,so i'm wondering...what's the worse that could happen with my present inclination-majorly flirting with my Asian courseMate Mia??What do you think? Here's how my brief delving into the fantasy went today.

So in reality,i'm supposed to meet up with Mia tomorrow after the exam.(But i will be good,as in seriously).So we meet up casually,end up at P.S-the coolest joint for Birm.potatoes&Bear!We chat for a while, then take it to her crib. We're lucky,none of the others are around.Things get a little cozy. But since i'm still the king of the no-sex club,i will only indulge a little this n that. So..flip a lil to earlier picture to get the gist.

So that happens,we're both cool, and we end the day on a nice note. Now Asian girls are reallly nice, but they do tend to get a lil possesive, and you'd better be replying their text on time, or else!!!So...me,i refused to reply text and Mia's not feeling happy about it, thinking i've made her into a cheap thrill. But,i shrug and still do not reply texts. And that is where i start to realize that my school community's actually got a close knit populace of asian guys around, who all of a sudden seem to know Mia and seem to be frowning at me around every corner. In fact,i'm not kidding to say that at every busstop, it seems there's an asian guy lurking closebuy with gritted teeth,just waiting for me to be alone after dark. What is up with these people, have you not heard of the concept of a simple one night stand before, why's everybody taking this thing so personal, i never promised to marry anybody?!!!Jeez!!!

Anyways,now i'm starting to get pissed,and i'm not going to take it standing down!So, yes, you guessed it. We also do have quite a number of my naija guys around too!And you know we're bigger too,bigger,blacker,meaner!So if nobody puts an end to this beef very soon, Hiroshima's gonna be child's play compared to the tribal clash down that's gonna happen in Birm right after the last M.sc exam pens are dropped!

So,watcha think???Should i go ahead still??

Sold Jesus for Sex!

2011-02-21T15:58:00.001-08:00

Note-to-Self: I'm telling you that the devil is not even joking around with the level of shit i'm having to deal with these days!It's like how they say,the wiser you get,the more intense his playback antics, sometimes fully damning the usual camouflage of you discovering his twisted existence behind the ploy of things.Like WTH!...Like lately i'm just seriously doing my best to be a real and seriously effective christian,then i have to wake up for a 12am piss-call few seconds ago only to be privy to the last bit of a hushed feminine kitchen talk saying, "...i don't get it with these guys,even if you just want to be sex buddies,just say it!Heck i don't mind being a f*ck friend with...right now!"My ears are ringing full as i stagger quietly back to my room. Why Why Why you gotta be messing with my head like this!I was closing the distance with her only just to be able to invite her to church! At least Judas got paid hard currency for ditching Jesus,me i'd be a far worse asshole abandoning the loftier ideal for a few minutes of multiRacial roll-in-the-hay!

I shouldn't have written this down. I should have gone straight to bed so that when i wake in the morn and remember all this bullwhack,i'd dismiss it all as another wishfull dream that i had. But the girl in the bus was not a wishful reverie, neither was the girl flirting by the printer earlier today!I tell you,someone is trying to bring me down,and burst my reinforced spiritual high,and i blame it on the devil!Or blame myself...i should gone straight to bed instead of staying up watching skins with C.....MUMBLE GRUMBLE SCHUMBLE!

The Day I shot down that pesky cupid..and the Frank Sinatra pictures.

2011-02-15T04:36:00.000-08:00

Because Musco has turned me out to be one perpetual fibber...!As per that last post...
Mambo and the Salsa,T.Notes recommends,though i must confess,the thing hard small!

How was your cupid day peeps?
Funny Enough, mine was kinda F-U-N,albeit my usual cynicism.And i finally tried LASAGNA!!!

Frank Sinatra, a night full of kisses, and please do not step on my toes!!!

2011-02-08T10:18:00.001-08:00

It was going to be a freezing night as usual, but i’d insisted she wear the short sunny yellow skirt that arrived her door post by M&S delivery. She’d called immediately squealing that she absolutely absolutely loved it - but there was no way she was putting it on until the first glimpses of spring came through. We had a giggly argument, you know the kind that Lauren Graham and Alexis Bledel have killed us with every Friday night on the WB for the past 5years running the Gilmore girls TV series. I won this time; the suspense wove its magic into her usual obstinate self. Haha!

Three hours later, i was in the taxi underneath her window and calling her for the uptenth time. “If you do not show up in a minute, i am i am....speechless!” The skirt fitted perfectly, showing off her long slim legs and begging you to hike it up further for a peek-a-boo. She struck a playful pose by the doorway. The taxi driver spoilt the magic of the moment by honking and beckoning at the meter which had been running the past ten minutes. She hurried into the car. I planted the first kiss.

“I have a presentation tomorrow which i haven’t completed; i’m not prepared for the strategy test next week; we’d better be back home before ten pm, or else...”The second kiss, this time longer, ate up whatever was to become of her harmless threat. Gosh, gotta love those lips.

“Tonight..”I concluded for her, “...Business school has a date with the toilet cistern, and the two of us...well you’ll find out.”

I really really am not much of a romantic, but creative T.Notes can do. So it didn’t take much yesterday when browsing online to get the feeling i needed to recreate for a fun romantic and cheap sort of getaway night! And all i’d need was Frank Sinatra, a hundred kisses distributed through the night and little bit of feet shuffling. Well that last bit would be difficult, but i figured i could easily wangle my way through it. Just watch me. Cha Cha cha. Who said your naija brother cannot dance?!

So we got dropped off at a local costa coffe on Dale end.
“Coffee?!”She shrieked with obvious disprove. “We could have done that at home-close to the central heating!”
The third kiss! You see, one thing about making a date memorable is to maintain a consistency in a particular doing. Mine for tonight was the kisses, kiss her a gazillion times all through the night. Nothing sexual, just playful. On the lip, on the check, on the forehead, and whenever it started to heat up, tap your feet and allow the music flicker you away. (No use getting a hard-on when you’d be sashaying in clear wide open view). And kisses, that was not going to cost me a dime! Haha.

Danielle met us by the doorway. “Hi T.N. This way please.” She urshered us in. Yz raised a suspicious eyebrow as we made our way through the usual coffee congregation, through a backroom, and into a wide wooden plated dancing room. Red translucent light shimmered frequently all about the place. Another note on memorability. Look for a venue that has a particular something that you do not see everyday.

“Awww...a dance class?” She inquired with that kind of childish enthusiasm that set off a fit of content laughter.
“Nope. A Frank Sinatra dance class.” And the music hit off, “I’ve got you under my skin...” And my feet found life of their own as i managed to mimic that Sinatra signature finger tapping whilst notioning, ‘watch the magic feet now.'

If you want to get a proper feel of last night, go to youtube now, and rock some frank Sinatra along with me..I’ve got you under my skin...but why should i try to resist when baby i know so damn well that i’ve got you under my skin....ooooh yeah....DANCE!

I dare say i did quite quite well.

Egad!!!The results are in!!

2011-02-04T12:27:00.000-08:00

Alot of times last term as i struggled hard with the rigours of running a purely technical masters degree,i often wondered,"T,what have you gotten yourself into again?But i wanted to; i need(ed) to proof somehow someway that i can close this deal; that i know this stuff, and i'm not only-as i have never failed to reconsider myself- just a freaking quack who's been lucky all over the place".Back home in the working professional terrain,i'd also often quietly shake my head at myself and mutter,"you do know that someday, they'll discover that you trully do not know anything,don't you!".I still don't consider myself a genius.I struggle way too hard. And so,you can imagine how many nightmares i've had waiting for this day to come. The first set of results. As in,literally,i had nightmares.

The mail came in to all M.Sc students yesterday.Informing us that by 12pm,our results would be loaded onto the portal. They warned that often the school system crashes around that time due to the number of students all logging in at the exact same time. (Go figure).We had a lecture in Adv.Finance Theory and Practice that was to span from 9.30am to 12.30pm. Most students did not show up. I don't know how i managed through the hours, but as with the few of us who braved it, by the time the minutes was nearing 12pm, nobody was with the lecturer anymore who was blabbing complex graphs and theories all to himself. Sauvy phones and 4g gadgets started rearing their heads as everyone started frantic efforts to logg into the results portal.(I tell you, i'm getting too old for this kind of anxiety). My class is very competitive. 80% smart ass asian folks,a number of indians,only a handful of proper british,one ameriacn,some other mixes,one Tanzanian girl,one ghanian girl,and me the only black naija dude.

My laptop was in my bagpack;i fingered it ever so often,but i was going to feign cool till the end of the class.I took down furtive notes till my pen broke under the pressure,pretended to be listening hard,whilst within my heart was palpitating as every other second,somebody next to me would finally enter the online portal,sight his results and let out a muffled gasp. One particular girl's eyes went wild as she stared into whatever feedback the 4g gadget finally gave to her. I couldnt take it anymore when finally one girl let out a shriek. The lecturer frowned,but he knew what was going on, so he persisted with his theories even louder. I pulled out the laptop,pretended to be cool,calm,collected,and laid it gently on my laps. Whatever may come,i would take it like a man. The laptop booted fast (oh,the repairs so far has been hi-tech sw-sweet!),the portal wouldnt open, the systems were jammed. F/*K!My hands were trembling; i pocketed them. I could spoil my built up swagger now,could i?!The lecturer announced he was done. FINALLY! The class emptied in seconds-people streaming fast to the computer labs. I waited behind till everybody was gone.I rebooted the system....my results finally downloaded into a PDF with the summary beneath:

The overall progression decision for MSc in Finance and Investments in Term 1 is:
PROCEED - All modules passed at the required standard

*Sigh* I am tired right now. I'm not sure my exact feeling...grateful certainly, but mostly worn out! ...must you know details?!!!Let's just say,as always,God was partial to me,and i did not refuse his overexuberance.

I just want to be quiet right now; so i've retreated to my room.Somebody mentioned to go celebrate,but i'm not up to that. Moreso,some of my folks didnt do too well/as well.

Term2: Advanced Financial Econometrics, Technical Trading, Valuations of InvestmentsII,Advanced Finance Theory&Practice,Dissertation kick off. I still wonder what i'm doing, and still shake my head and mutter,jeez,if we can get through this, if we can just get through this...we will get through this.
I admitt that it's really all snatzy stuff-the modules,and the stuff they teach is out of this world. Coming from my "darker world",as i have concluded finance to be back home,it's like jet age stuff. Complex derivatives,options,and hi-tech financial instrument type jargons. It all would be cool if i seriously really was a genius like the rest of them. But oh well...fake it till we make it...or faith it till you make it. Either ways,make it.

The problem with a distinction is the pressure. It's like a gold coin dangled enviously before you. And once you've tasted of its possibility; you want to see it through to the end.The Quiet is....Thank you God.

On other T.Notes,Gist dey!But first,blog rounds i have missed!

The Quiet....

2011-01-31T08:52:00.000-08:00

*Sigh*
The results ahead,
The Job,
The Bills,
The white folks pissing me off,
The family stress,
The worries,
The fears,
The worthlessness,
The nothingness,
.....I don't even have the strength the lament.....

You know somedays you just tire of strength to even "hope".
But it will work out, won't it...somehow....???

The thing about a man is,you just cannot let them see how you are toottering under the weigth of it all.

And the thing about this man is, nonetheless, you still gotta take it all, and keep "fixing it". You know,bullshit happens,and they bring it to you to "fix it" and make it right..and even when you are a literal mess, you still...gotta do what you have to do...somehow.

Oh,my baby gets back tomorrow. Slim,black,supple skin,i've missed her die, can't wait to get my hands all over her locked up in the cozyness of flat 86,just me and her for hours,exploring every crevice of her wanton body...oh Toshiba T135,come back home.

Noooo,don't leave me!..and other notes to naughty bloggers!!!!

2011-01-19T08:13:00.001-08:00

Nothing hurts more than realizing she meant everything to you, but you meant nothing to her.Sighhh...tears!When you break up, your whole identity is shattered. You are no longer alive.**Sniff. Oh well,i guess i did see it coming..but how it hurts so!!!Tissue!..and other famous breakup expressions of sadness...

Anyways peeps,it is with heavy heart that i announce that come tomorrow,a knock will come on my door, and i will be waiting for it. It will be a grimm meeting. No pleasantries, no chat-up lines,only the going through the motions of the harsh formalities. (Oh,i don't know how i'll get through this!)For those who have my numbers, ensure you call your boy, and send frequent encouragements, you know,ensure that i'll still be in one piece! Ooh,the agony!!!How will i make it through the days ahead!

I JUDGE MENA!!!You jinxed me with your evil words warning me to stay away from those vixen models!!!

Anyways,as you can see,all of my witt's strength fails me even as i pen these notes, and there just isn't any decorated way of saying this,so here goes:

"Tomorrow, there're coming for my laptop!!!!"

Freaking thing has been acting the foolery, so not being able to take it anymore,i've called toshiba and activated my warranty rights. So anyway, the essense of this note is that i'll be laptop-less for the next twoo weeks or so. Hence,my withdrawal symtoms begin..i will do bes to take it like a man. And yup, before the inevitable happens (unless if i call them up at the last minute and let them know that i could not go through with it anymore!)i will do some comment replies here, and some naughty shoutouts to my fav blogger peeps, just incase i am a.w.o.l for too long. Oh, i will certainly pop in often,just don't know if i'll be able to update freely. (Cos i do not update unless its off my own pc!)

Yeah (rubbing hands), here goes my peppering ya'll,in response to my modelling post and randomly as you come to mind.

1. To all who graciously passed on the stylish blogger award thingy to me. Ooooh,mucho gracias!!!I had a long speech prepared,but alas, the seperation does not afford me to publish it just yet. But i will reciprocate as soon as i return!

2. @Mena: Yes,you are 1st!Beware,you are commencing on a journey of which you are not capable of negotiating the treacherous terrains!Nobody trades undertones with T.Notes and leaves to tell the tales!!!I gave you due chance to take back those subtle jabs and INSTEAD,you add salt and pepper to the festering ego wounds!!!In the words of the terminator,I WILL BE BACK...!And when i do, perhaps,i will educate you on the complexity of how marriage never did/could solve the issues of a man's maraunding hormones!

3. @naughty J: Thank you jare.Help me treat her f*up!

4.@Yankeenaijababe: Thanx4 the award hun. The award i hand over to you is, that of most consistently licorish sweet and classy femme du bloggerville. Oh lala!

5.@Tega and Beautiful: SMH...i do not get these two!The conspiracy theory that's festering in my head right now is how someday i will walk in and happen on these two torridly doing the naughty.These love affair between the two of you is giving me cause for concern. The kingdom of God is at hand!*wink*

6.@Harry: If you do not make all these dreams that you have finely elucidated on blogger come true very soon,i'll be sooo disappointed in you man!!Make it happen man!

7.@Lara: I think Lara is just the coolest chic on blogger. I no fit shout!

8.@Nicole: Thanx4 dropping by girl. Ur novel rocks,plsssss don't stop!

9.She: I like She...she's like a mystery but i could never quite lay a finger on!

10.Audeo: We have scores to settle!

11.P.E.T: Let's do coffee sometime soon?!

12.Myne: Whatever...You're a star already,i'm not adding to your mountaneous acclaim jor!lol!

13. Shoutout to gmail,skype and other offbloggers: Main man musco, YN-the love of my life!!!!!Audeo,technocoleur girl,Nifty neefemi,and ehmm xoxo!

14. I am now getting tired and writing and need to return to hugging my laptopn these last few hours we have together!

15.oh,@vanity: This girl sha!

16.@The dy prof: I salute sir!

17.@Wild boy: Give me your sister's number na!!!!How many times will i beg you. Your shakara sef is too much!lol!

18.Ehmm,if i no drop your name, abeg, na tiredness cause am, else you have been a.w.o.l yourself for a while.

19. Have i mentioned clueless?!!

20.@ Oga, My Nest of Flames, Ashes and Rebirth...No bi so we dey maintain blog o!!!You just tintillated the ladies and thereafter disappeared!lol!No worry,i understand. "This blogging thing sef, na hard work, abi!"

21.@Sisi-yemmie: The one and only sisi yemmie!Haha,you saved my butt recently!Went to sweetheart's house recently, and was caught for a momnet in those akward moments of silence with rest of the family, and guess what came to mind which i deftly used to commence a long hilarious chitchat?!A blog update of urs!!!Hide your wife, hide your kids!!!lol!

22. Ok, this has got to be the longest blog in the history of blogger.

23. Really...i have tried, if i have not mentioned a love to you, you know i love you still!

If you can guess the movie...

2011-01-18T14:42:00.000-08:00

Paul Chambers plays a mellow score at the background.

He says: Yes...I live in...you live in...Everybody in the world knows who you are; my mother has troubles remembering my name.

She says: Fine...Fine...Good decision...Good decision.
Pause

She adds: The fame thing really isn't real you know. Don't forget, i'm also just a girl, standing infront of a boy..asking him to love her.

Pause
She reaches over to plant a pleasant kiss on his cheek, notions at the gift, then exits the store.

Gosh,can't wait to be done with this M.Sc, and so help me god people,if i dare mention that i'm having any thoughts of a p.hd or the like,somebody pls CALL ME BACK TO MY SENSES URGENTLY! After this,i'm so done proving points to anybody!

*Honestly...The preferred next course of learning is an M.A in creative writing, and i have no idea yet how i'll fund that! Ever feel like you need to pay attention for once to your subtle heart's desires..you know give your dreams a chance and see if just maybe that will calm your restless wandering discontents??That's the plan oooo!!!Relish the thought: Just abandon career books aside for a period and actually give the pen a chance. I would so love that! I'd slotted it into my 2011 goals,and without a doubt,i will update once i kick that off!

Oh,n back to the movie! The 1st winner gets a .....

@Mena: Even if I wanted to become an internet porn model!

2011-01-13T16:37:00.000-08:00

Lol! That’s one heck of a title, but i am serious! (KMT) Well, you decide...

Yeah, so today I signed up a plum job with an internet sex modelling site! It’s called m***.com. Well if you busied over there you might quickly notice that, wait a minute, the models on mfc are for sensible reasons, only chics. Yes, my point exactly. Which is why i decided to break the norm. It’s a liberal labour market, isn’t it? If a woman can do it, a man can also! So, i was allocated a room, with a p.c , a webcam and the simple instructions to get my viewers horny. The hornier they get, the more tips i make and the more cash that goes into my pocket. (Ka-ching, cash-in baby!) Seems quite simple right? And safe too! I’d be within the confines of the room, there’ll be no drunk men/women trying to grab my succulent/turgid bits, and all i’d have to do is touch myself and fake an occasional orgasm to get the audience applauding. I had seen the girls in the other rooms do it, and as far as i was concerned, this was gonna be easy business, easy money. (Well, except for the bits of sticking things into my chocolate dark behind, that was definitely not gonna happen! Hell faggoty no way!) Anyways,if this worked out, by the end of the day, i’d easily pay off the winter electricity bill waiting for me at home. (grumble) Note that 500bucks is what eon sent my apartment for december’s electricity and gas bills! Do they not have mercy on students?!

So i started work, and within the first 5mins, i had 120visitors to my private cam room!

WTH! Haha,i was making cash and proving a point, i.e women have viral lusts too! Well,i hoped they were women viewers and i was not really dancing for oogling transvestite folks! My theme music was ‘eye of the tiger’, and i stripped slowly as the ladies egged me on, then i commenced to touching and stroking my turgid self. The tips were pouring in. The ladies wanted more.

Somebody asked me to serve some cream over my ‘quarter-pounder’, so i reached over for the chocolate syrup conveniently closeby, let it drip slowly down, then i proceeded to let my fingers do the talking.

Up, down, up, yeah sweetie, you like that uh, slowly up, down up...kapoow! Shoot! I couldn’t see my p.c screen anymore-as the juice from quaterpounder creampied the computer screen. *moan*. I’d only done ten minutes and 10bucks so far!

I quickly wiped some view off the p.c screen to check out my audience and noticed that they were fast migrating. The reason was obvious as i stared down with dismay...someone had clearly insisted that the party was over and he’d called it a night! So freaking unfair! And they talk about equality! Some career lines definitely do not favour the menfolk!

Hang on, hang on people, i can bring this party back to life. I screamed at the computer screen. Hold on a minute, i promise you this is not a regular occurrence, i’ve just had a stressful day, i usually keep this up for no less than an hour! Comeon boy, i muttered to QP,don’t let me down! Wake up champ, wake up! We need this money man! But like in the movies, champ just refuse to resurrect, and my numbers were going down to unit figures. Oh nooo!

MFC admin was not liking the viewer population streaming from my room, and soon a pound came on the door. ‘Alright T.Notes, out! Let someone productive occupy the room mate!’ I packed up my stuff and trudged out of the building, clearly my shift was over for the night. On my way out, i noticed texas4cum and agent 99 having a field day with lucent blue dildos and nipple thingys as the beautiful sounds of incoming tokens fluttered out from their work space.

Life is not fair to us men, just not fair i tell you! 100tokens gets a model on mfc 5dollars! And for doing nothing but dancing and touching herself in a private room in front of a webcam. Well well, we can argue the decency issue about her nakedness being on public display, but aww comeone, anyone who in the first place has no inclination against online sex exhibition definitely in my opinion does not have any qualms about the exposure bit. So that is not an argument in this instance. Some career lines are definitely just not fair to the menfolk! Tomorrow i’ll resume sending out mass applications and waiting on edge for the phonecalls.

Note to reader. Especially male readers. For very many obvious reasons, internet porn addictions can pretty much mess a guy up. Without listing the sum of them, the most practical reason is most of the cheesy sites easily stream malwares into your system, and i’m sure you are not ready to bear the cost of replacing a screwed laptop right now. Lol!!!!P.S....certainly these notes bear no semblance to actual played out reality...just another screwy t.note...or maybe not. *wink*wink*

Considering that the above represents my intelligent viewpoint on the worlds of internet sexing and hookups...Last word @Mena: Take back that comment about me and internet porn pronto!

Happy laugh-out-loud year from T.Notes to y'all!

....and a "date" with a blogger

2011-01-07T16:07:00.000-08:00

Oh,and i met a certain female blogger in London. She wore black skin tights and a cream jacket.

After a gazillion text messages of 'where are you now?' and 'No,i didnt say stratford station!',we did chinese at the O2, saw a movie, the pub guy flirted a little with her, and at the end of the night she gave me a goodnight hug (comments reserved).Infact, my comments on the whole night's episodes is reserved...

P.S...i was at the eye hospital yesterday. They said i've been spending too much time on computers!Even too much blogging can be bad for you!

When FB becomes war territory! (NobleIgwe vs Penny)

2011-01-07T05:07:00.000-08:00

Gosh i love a good ole dirty fight! Grabbing my popcorn and rooting for my boy,Nobs! Then again,Penny's a hottie though

**Noble Igwe a.k.a @Nobsdaslushkid!!! I'm saying this from the bottom of my heart, ure such an Ungrateful midget and I hand u over to God to judge!!! You make noise all over d place abt millions and a tiny token I gave to save ur stranded ass, u can't payback since august....I even waived the freaking debt n u can't say, 'Thank you'........***all dis wanna-be-popular-byforce-igboboys*** mscheeeeeew!!!!

Nick Harry and Esther Ogba Otse Okpozu like this..

Kela Alale Shuooooooooo

15 hours ago.Esther Ogba Otse Okpozu ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Penny what are you doing?!!!On Facebook?!!!what's the guy to do now?!

15 hours ago.Lydia Pollyn Chinekeee Peniel u pieces d midget swaggg sha! No b small wanna be pooular by force igbo boy*hmmm deep tots*seems like my story>insider
15 hours ago.Pennyel Sugababe John Ok, don't judge me! The goat refused to take my calls, reply my bbms or even sms!!! This is my last option!!!!

14 hours ago.Utibe Effiong ETHNIC SENTIMENTS ON FACEBOOK?

14 hours ago via Facebook Mobile · 1 personLoading....Mmakamba Eno Not sure its bout ethnicity I know its bout a midget settling his debt. Only if he wud be honest enof to admit he doesn't ve a conscience as much as he lies bout his escapades. penny old things ve passed away, behold its 2011!

14 hours ago via Facebook Mobile · 1 personLoading....Dorcas Ibigbeye Sekibo LOL, girl easy. abeg no vex. http://go.im/CNxXYlR59l2

10 hours ago.Ugo Henry Ejim Doesn't have anytin to do with being Ibo...Calabar, Ogoni, Yoruba people et al all have ingrates! Like say u never waive the debt I for tackle am for you. Lol!

7 hours ago.Alice Slimz Diz is so harsh......abeg oooo,,Noble Igwe no com razzle me ooo,,becos diz penny's msg haz said it all
B4 u go cme borrow my money all in d name of luv
Hahahahahahahahahah

7 hours ago via Facebook Mobile.Femi Akibu Penny hmmmm abeg gimme the contract to help you collect the money from the midget. I go package am very well.

6 hours ago via Facebook Mobile.Nick Harry Aww, never knew he was one of 'em unrepentant debtors you were crying about way back September. God has a reward for everyone of us!

6 hours ago.Pennyel Sugababe John Just allow him!!!! I just pity all the foolish boys and girls dat really feel he's all that and try to help him!!! When he was stranded, his foolish fans abandoned him!!!

6 hours ago via Facebook Mobile.Pennyel Sugababe John My dear uve seen it all oh! But in everything I give thanks

6 hours ago.Elizabeth Nwosu Are u kidding me peniel? how in God's name did ur paths cross???

6 hours ago.Elizabeth Nwosu so much for bieng a SLUT(SH) KID......HISSSSSSSSSS***

6 hours ago.Pennyel Sugababe John Lizzy, I knew him many years ago oh, when he was still working with virgin!!!!

6 hours ago.Elizabeth Nwosu kk.....i hear he finished from my uni but am not a fan @ all.

6 hours ago.Pennyel Sugababe John Yeah UNEC!!! My dear.... Proud fool.....I'm just angry at myself! See why I said I won't be nice again? He's not even the only one!!!

6 hours ago.Elizabeth Nwosu kpele dear. Don't allow such people stop ur blessings. not really worth it sha....

6 hours ago.Pennyel Sugababe John Yeah thanks

5 hours ago.Solomon Sule Wao! The way u finish d guy na wao, infact dis goes out to all the fake million boys outdia. Nna na wa

5 hours ago.Nehemiah Attigah this is below the belt Sugababe

4 hours ago.Nick Harry There're still many more out there & I just hope they will all be humiliated one after the other!

The man who dared God. (Tales from the dead)

2011-01-06T05:59:00.000-08:00

The place where heroes wings refuse to fly.

The words therein are a compilement of some hardly lived out experiences in the past few months; the depth of questioning of which many might not find comfortable, heck even i did not find me comfortable. If at the end you observe that i have disabled comments, then bear with me, i guess i already concluded on the matter by myself.

If i am to pen any introduction at all before jumping in, it would be this: ...until finally one morning, a deafening scream jerked me out of my sleep. My heart was pulsating fast; indeed i knew my heart was where the agonized cry originated from. I looked inward and i saw my soul bawled over like a weak child...she couldn’t take it anymore, she was desperately in need...of You again.

...Lend me your god.

Last nights i dreamt that i kissed the lips of blackness, plunging into the depth of deep dark oceans, meeting my worst fears face to face, and you know the dreams were not mere imaginations. Many are the voices that have spoken these past months and i hate the fact that you have let them wander freely unhindered through my mind. Voices that have ravaged and torn down every fabric of faithful conviction that we have spent lives of years building. Voices that have not sprung up without motive or notice; i know that they have been long coming, creeping and biding a time to eclipse my being. I hate that you sit there and allow this all to happen. I hate that you would not just show your face and calm my mind, but i guess, and yes realize that they will come to the best, even worst of us. Thoughts of pious righteousness becoming worse than filthy rags that i have stepped over in my confused search for something that yesterday i would have sworn was never missing. Many are the lips that have quietened me from speaking these foolish blasphemy, but you know that i would rather take this to the very limit. You know that i would not stop until i reach the last word, arrive at the last truth, the reason for which i would...or even should, believe anymore...in you.

I have sat at the feet of many in these past months, and you have watched me without saying a word. I have listened to the sermons of atheists, tearing down any insensible reason why i should wait or hope for you. Why I should give a heart to a deity who kills, allows pain and remains quiet through my questions of why. I have watched the best of us surrender it all down in utter confusion. Yet i have pressed further even without understanding, if even he could not understand it anymore, why should i? Ooh these, you know are not the words of a child, instead of one who has stayed managed to stay close through ages and pain. If i would choose to question today, i only thought it would be fair for you to give me answers on time...before i went too far. Before i kissed these lips. Why should he die....even after all? Why should i struggle, if he would give up the struggle after more years? Why should i love you? What makes you different from the myriad of philosophies that abound? I know i have often made you flinch in these past days with my regardless utterances and pondering. But if you would see use of me, you know that my mind today would not rest until i can lay hold a coherent reason in my hands...of why i should die for you.

And the words from that diary went on and on....dark days

Fast forward to today....
One reason why i believe in you is:

Through the night my soul longs for you.
Deep from within me my spirit reaches out to you.
Because i find that my soul needs, longs for that anchor that only you could...would...give. I.26

Easy VISA-tickets to the U.K!

2010-12-26T09:28:00.000-08:00

As if!!!

Aww comeon, you know i had to be kidding! Those who are in here right now know that is a far cry from the truth....hiss.
But wait wait, don't hurry off! In that regard,i do need your opinions on the matter if you happen to know more than i do.

1.Conservatives are putting on stupid immigration changes (which we all know would backfire on their lofty heads soon).
2.Part of which include likely cancellation of the post study option for current students (talk about insincerity and deceptions!).
3.U.K BA does not outrightly say if this is true, and if so what the new alternative will be (politics politics politics).
4.Due to this, i know a number of student acquaintances are right now putting things together to switch to the tier 1 highly skilled visa before it closes in april 2011.
5.I wonder if that option will not backfire???Or is it actually the smarter thing to do right now?
6.What happens to your current student visa if your new application is denied?
7.How will it affect your future option if there arises an alternative to the post study option?

More personally

1.I'm trying to decide what to do?!
2.Should i ignore the craze and carry on with my plan for an M.A in creative writing after my M.Sc?Such that i just apply again for a student visa?
3.Should i join the boat and apply for the tier 1 highly skilled option, since my work experience would still apply now?
4.Should i do nothing and just watch and see?
5.Should i pitch my options elsewhere, i.e canada-U.S route, even though i'm not quite familiar with their current requirements and i'm too proud to even consider going to live with family over there?

P.S Applying for the tier 1 now would cost 850british bucks and an additional loose 900bucks in the account. Thats abit of money to gamble with right now, and would certainly rock fees repayment plan....

P.P.S....If you know anything about all i am ranting about, pls drop a sensible comment below...yes,just click that place where it says comment...you see it...yeah,just busy your mouse over it like that...ah ah!Thanx!

Mwuah!

Snowball in yo face-like that!

2010-12-25T08:09:00.000-08:00

It would be totally wrong and sinful not to pause a moment just to scream "MERRRRRRY CHRISTMAS TO YA'LL!!!!!!"

MWUAH MWUAH MWUAH Kissssses all over the place!Hope you're having a fab day, and if it doesnt rock so hard, simply cozy up with a good movie and enjoy watching the day pass!!!Or better still,cozy up with your laptop and enjoy some of the T.Notes classics!Serious.

LOVE YA!!!!!And especial Hugs to my offblogger pals who so entirely rock!

Merry xmas Lara,2cute,musco,Abi,Ade,YN my girl whoop whoop!!!!,neefemi,paraket,olufunmi,LDP,my new pal Modupe,Miss Fab!,Naijalines,Myne,Mr talkaholic,Vera!!!and if i forget your mention, just assumme that i am totally knackered at the time of penning these thoughts!

Ho ho ho ho ho all!

P.S, yes christmas, as a day could truly be overated, it's really all a thing of the heart/mind, so be like me and choose happy.

P.P.S, Got some miracle cash so coming term's fees and some month's rent is sorted. Still need a job though to survive bills!

P.P.P.S, who's heard that post study visa is being cancelled from april. Start thinking plan B fellow U.K postgraduate students.

P.P.P.P.S We have much to talk about, but for now, back to rocking xmas.

P.P.P.P.P.S A special Love to my friend who's working on this cold xmas day. Advice, just do a bum jiggle whilst your work about!!!

All the world's a random blog

2010-12-22T04:42:00.000-08:00

I’ve got a huge folder teeming with uncompleted blogs n notes! In a moment of gay, i’ll do my best to compile all into one jolly good random! P.S, London for the xmas holidays. Leaving in a few hours. I’d better have internet!

Why should i get married? I seem to have lost all interest in the concept! Maybe i’m a selfish dick, but i love my life. I have loads of all sorts of friends that i’m just not ready to give up and become a responsible married man. And that is the least of my reasons.

I love the corrs. Always have. Its always been my fantasy to get married to Andrea and stare into her irish eyes all day long over Spanish El desayuno and warm blackcurrants. For Andrea, i would get married.

Last night was beautiful...and no durex satchets were harmed during the course of the hours. Seven grown men and women cozied in a warm bedroom guffawed the night away whilst it snowed outside. Somewhat reminiscent of that scene in sound of music where they sang ‘my favourite things’ whilst a storm brewed outside. No, conversations were mostly not cultured.

I started out kidding about it, but it seems i really do have a crush of some sort on French Cc!

Sigh. I’m fast getting broke. Been frantically rying to get a job before it becomes a real problem. The life of a self funded international student is another world altogether. There’s no getting around that day of reckoning where you’ll start counting the pennies.

Boredom takes you to strange places. I recently discovered the underground world of live tease cam websites. Its really like walking into those victorian style brothels with an array of rooms for the numerous ‘models’. Without mincing words, the center of attention is a lone woman transmitting via webcam her doings with fingers and sex toys. There were streaming 832 ‘models’ that night in that one website, and all girl-next-door kind of people. I could really have sworn that i’ve met ‘Jayden Kane’ and ‘Texas4cum’ somewhere before along bhm streets or in school! Are girls students by daytime and webcam models by night making some extra cash??Lol, would i take up a webcam job to make some extra cash?!

SexChatsites...I honestly was only fooling around. But what do u know, i got a few mails this morning:

You have received a new message from another V...user.
Hey Stranger, hope you well, thanks for getting back to me. I did not think these sites worked! I'm attaching a pic and if you are ok with what I look like then maybe contact me on my personal addy, its ......@gmail.com and I'll tell you a bit more about myself, hopefully we can get something going, chat soon, Dolli.

Did i mention D’s friend who stayed the weekend? Then joined a lone me early in the morning where i was busy working on my stock returns models. She’s clad in skimpy lace pants and some kind of bra-top. “Hi..could you give me a hand, the shower doesn’t seem to be coming on.”
“Oh Jesus...”I mutter as i try to keep my gaze on a face and not on her skin.”
“Uhmmm, yeah sure, let’s have a look at it.”
I follow the chic into the bathroom and notice that her night gown lay discarded on the floor.....

I feel like i’m living in those xmas hallmark movies with all these frigging snow that just won’t stop!

Have to run now, before i miss the train!
Loves!

Spilled video of Nigerian girls in Lesbian...whatchamacallit??

2010-12-18T07:49:00.000-08:00

So out of boredom i signed unto naijapals today. If you are already a member, then this might be stale information to you.

I'm not quite sure of appropriate words so i'll leave you to form yours, and due to its explicit nature, you'd be briefly excused from my pages and directed to click here to view. When you're done, be sure to drop your opinion back here...i'm curious to know.

Oh my days....its a little hot in here.

Letters from the land of broken typewriters

2010-12-13T18:25:00.000-08:00

2Cute4u left a comment on my last pages saying, I don’t understand you anymore. I thought about that for a moment, then shook my head and replied briefly, saying, yeah, i don’t understand myself either much these days. I think it was Socrates who quoted saying ‘the only thing i know is that i know nothing. I think that about sums it up. I will explain.

I initially started out these pages with the intention of theatrical entertainment, i.e make believe- that’s what we do in theater, i guess. But somewhere along the line, it’s safe to say i discovered that i really wasn’t talking make believe anymore. Most of the drama i was pouring out herein were either real life soaps from my own existence disguised as short fables, or, the less noble intentions of my soul which i was struggling to conceal. Subsequently, in response to my poster-guy sort of life, i caught the poster-guy sin-drone, which i will explain in a little bit.

Whilst i was in the university, Jaci velasques was quite famous as a Christian musician. Her songs were 1st spiritual, then a little more trendy, until the last album which i heard of when she bleated out, ‘this is the real me, can you take it?!’ Jaci isn’t the 1st person living a exhibitionist life who at some point in time felt sick of the high expectations and needed to break out with seeming rebellion. Hey, even more recently is Keri hilson’s latest release, the way you f*ck me. If you haven’t heard it or seen the vid, i’m not sure it’s still on you tube due to its disturbingly explicit content. Poster-person sin-drone is when your life has for so long been an epitome of propriety, or decorum, that you start to get sick of it and just need to break out. That is where i found myself and it’s really nothing new under the sun. But here is my catch 22. What does a waiter do when he’s handling ten plates of expensive china in all hands and discovers he’s got an itch in his crotch? You see, there’s such a point where you just cannot afford to let the plates crash to the ground in abandon, yet how deeply that itch scratches like a cockroach in the pants!

Where the conflict of interest laid is, ok, i wanted to write, that’s all i’ve ever really known to do-well except for all the finance and maths bullish. But there is obviously a seeming deception if you are writing what you do not entirely believe in. And i’m just the kind of person who needs to be firm about anything i ever wanted to say. Have you ever felt like, who the f*ck am i anyways?! P.s, in my former life, i hardly use swear words whereas the past year has seen me sliding fast down this slippery slope of utter disarrangement such that for every new day, i’d stare at myself in the mirror and question, who the heck is this stranger?! Note that, this is hardly a self esteem issue. If it was, i wouldn’t be indulging into half of the things or interactions that i get up to. Somehow, someway, i just don’t even give a rat’s ass anymore such that timidity hardly becomes a problem. I’d pull up a chair and have long chats with total strangers like we were lifemates buds. So i meet the best and the worst of the lot without an iota of condemnation from my part. Why? Because i have discovered that deep within, i am non better, our intentions are all screwed up when we come face to face to the worst of it. Which is why subsequently i get myself into all sorts of untidy situations such as having to currently unravel unrestrained conversations that led to, ‘yeah, sure, come over midnight, i’m pretty much idle’. Mind you, in this regard, my depravity has only sunk to a certain extent and gone no further. But yet frankly, i summise that even that is just a matter of time.

So dear dear whomever has briefly deemed to wonder or concluded and judged otherwise. Sit with me at midnight over a meal of French marinated mushroom and let me point the fact as of the life of c.s lewis. There exists a whole world of writers and scribblers, but alas, it is useful to pause at some point to question if you believe to the gut of your soul the fluidity that your pen strokes unto parchment. Do you write simply for entertainment, then that is fine. But if you seek to reach deeper and relay one simple message even for the rest of your existence, then it’d better be worth your life. In that regard, who is a writer if he does not know who he is in the first place?

P.S, if i was as fickle as the rest of the lot, then observe within the lines that these musings would hardly be occurring in the first place, neither is there a struggle to maintain a standard if there wasn’t in the first place a regime of moral authority within. Martin Luther said, ‘Be a sinner and let your sin be strong, but let your trust in Christ be stronger...’. You see, the reason why most people give up and abandon a walk of faith is when they come face to face with the seeming impossibility to plough ahead and break a certain vices. Most times we just give up and say, hey what the heck! But sometimes, you just aren’t afforded the luxury of saying, what the heck and let the whole thing come crashing down. In my response, i temporarily put aside my previously lofty aspirations of saving the world, and just concentrate on screaming my thoughts out till i can save just one significant person...i.e, myself.

P.S, this is not an affrontation at 2cute4u...you’re still my blogsville crush! *wink*

Bus 87 to the Gentleman's club

2010-12-12T10:25:00.000-08:00

Arrival before 10pm is £5* per person
(Normal admission prices are £10 before 11pm and £15 after.)

Special Offer: For £25** - admission, bottle of beer and a dance token to spend on the girl of your choice.

Stage Shows....

SO WHAT DO YOU THINK....BE MY CONSCIENCE PEOPLE...
HUG THE DUVET TONIGHT OR WHAT THE HECK, HEAT UP THIS WINTER WITH 25Quid?!

The other alternative,which has a little less appearance of pre-meditated evil,is to head to sainsburys for an early groceries,include a tube of whipped cream in the cart,and stop by at the student's united appartments complex on my way home. Wherein resides the Tanzanian chic i shamelessly flirted with often during term term. The problem with option 2 is without a doubt,my crowning membership to the celibacy-united club will definitely be revoked thereafter.

So, option1 is the better bet, right people?

Our blogs, our boyfriends.

2010-12-10T03:30:00.000-08:00

Clearly i am done with exams and enjoying early morning blogrolls! I enjoyed these words from pillowtalk is extra's recent blog, and i've included some random pictures i took of late. I keep thinking it's saturday!

Is it unethical not to tell your boyfriend about your blog?

I've been thinking about this lately because my boyfriend doesn't know about this here corner of the internet. I may have mentioned that I blog when we first started dating, but it's never been anything I've emphasized and he never asked about it, so I never elaborated. I guess it all boils down to the fact that I like sharing my life on the internet. I don't really think anything is TMI - well, there are a few things, but in general I tell ya'll everything. I mean, I wrote in detail about a one night stand where I kicked a guy in the face! I don't shy away from sharing it all because I wish someone would've told me what the real world is like, what real relationships between men and women were like. This way, I can share some of my experiences with people and hopefully find some common ground. If not, then I guess I can give you guys something to laugh/shake your head at =)

Of course, this means that I share details about my feelings and my experiences as they're being formed - thought processes that I'm not sure I want my boyfriend (or any man I'm dating) to see. This blog has helped me explore my relationships and my sexuality and I view it as a necessary outlet for my personal growth. However, I get that a man might want to know what I'm talking about here and what I say about him. I try to think about it in the reverse - if a guy I was seeing had a similar blog and didn't want to tell me about it, how would I feel? To be honest, I don't think I'd really care much. I would view it as a diary - everyone's entitled to one of those, right? However, as Freshman Year Best Friend brought up when we went out for dinner yesterday, a diary is totally private, whereas a blog is public and out there. How can I restrict someone that means something to me from something that everyone in the world has access to see? I have to say he has a point.

I mean, I want a relationship based on trust and openness, but I don't necessarily feel the need to know every single thought that my significant other has. That being said, I think I'd like it if eventually I dated someone that I felt comfortable sharing this with - someone who would know about it, but would be secure enough in us and in our relationship not to use it to pry into my thoughts and to be comfortable being written about. But I know that not all men are like that. I like to think my current boyfriend is the type who doesn't need to know everything about me in order to trust me. He knows that I don't cheat and that I'm faithful. He knows I need my 'me' time and that I can't be available all of the time. I respect him for that because it makes me more enthused to be with him - having a man who gives you your space makes you want to be with him that much more.

There really is no conclusion to this for me - I think blogging is always a slippery slope, especially when you have a blog that's as personal as mine is. I pour everything into this and it's hard to think about letting someone see that side of me so quickly. So I think for now, I'm going to keep it to myself, until I get more of a sense of where this relationship is headed and how much he can handle having an exhibitionist girlfriend who's TMI-ing it all over the internet. But I still have to wonder if I think it's fair to hold this back. Thoughts?

Lend me your God (1): Letters to heaven.

2010-12-10T02:56:00.000-08:00

I am waiting for you by the edge of the North Pier with the sun slowly setting ahead. How I wish you’d come on time to catch the view with me. The waters have quietened from the day’s turmoil and now only occasional lap gently against the pier’s wooden base. Should you show up, I’ll be the guy leaning against the barricade staring ahead into the blackening waters. I am hoping i would soon see you up ahead, my face would light up, i’d hurry to meet you, then we’d walk the length of this scenic pier together whilst i map out to you the many words off my heart. If you are reading these letters however, it means my heart must have sank with the rest of the depleting sunset- because you did not come. And in a last bid of hope, i have remained here constructing fine words into the wings of childish paperplanes, watching each one float seamlessly into space.

What do you think about hope? I picked these words up along the way coming here:

“I dare to believe that the luckless will get lucky someday in you. You won’t let them down; orphans won’t be orphans forever. The victim’s faint pulse (will) pick up; the hearts of the hopeless (will) pump red blood as you put your ear to their lips (and finally pay attention to the whispered words off their hearts). Psalms 10.

I have realized of late that life has made me become somewhat of a sceptic. But what do you call it –sceptism, realism or faithlessness? Such as how I have no problems with hope, only that even in hope i find it easier to hold a sensible alternative should there be no light at the end of the tunnel, Should the doctors say there is no use holding on anymore, or should you get a call that she didn’t make it (i light candles in quiet thoughts of you). For me, hope is like being stuck within a musty maze of dark underground tunnels. It’s the little candle light I hang onto as I meander my way around in confusion, hoping to find an exit into brighter days. But whilst i accept hope, i also hold a back thought that at the end of the route that i presently travel, there just might maybe another dead end. The ray of light i thought i saw might turn out to only be a crack in the stone walls and not the exit i was praying for. So all the while that i travel, i am constructing backup plans as anaesthetics to likely disappointments. That is the way i have hoped.

It’s worked for me so far, until now- which is why i desperately called out to you. There comes a point where there’s no backup strong enough to lighten the weight of a possible disappointment. Where even with the best of my creativity, i know only two things could happen this time around- either my soul dies, or you show up and step into this mess. That’s the point where i am right now. (Ooh, i think i just saw a dolphin! You really should be here; you’re missing out on all these fine view! Quiet...i realize that I miss you!....yet at the same time, i question if i ever knew you. But i’m taking baby steps. It’s all still a mess, but ooh look at me, i’m walking!)

It’s getting dark now, i’d have to return home soon, but i’ll be back; i’m not giving up just yet. That’s the thing about reaching breaking point, and remembering why and how i got to this place that i am. When you walk away due to ardent discontent, then the alternative just has to work out. And this is the alternative that i am carefully trying to live out. I long ran out of extra tricks and back up plans. So in this place, it’s me and you- life or death. And sublimely, it all comes back to the question of hope, doesn’t it? And i guess it does make it even more desperate, because you just have to show up, and in the meantime, i just have to remain, holding on, hoping. There’s a bunch of Brazilian kids ahead doing some kind of drum rehearsals. The music from the drumbeat is familiar..i’ve heard it before in a place long ago, and funny enough, it was with me and you. The significance this time around is different. This time it sounds like the tune of my heart beating. A song of hope, yet at the same time a song of war. An adage says, don’t mess with the cat that’s on its last life. Since i choose not to die just yet, then we’re fighting this route through to the end. And the end for me is only that abundant life i have long dreamed of---wide open spaces for the pursuit of my heart’s many respites.

Now let’s see if we can make this paper plane fly.

Picture Monday!

2010-12-06T07:47:00.000-08:00

Of the spectacular flat 86 mateys...

Of small scale xmas.....

Winter's chill and tea-bag sizes....

2010-12-02T07:57:00.000-08:00

I'm not aware that there are any measuring tools...but i am certain that for some reason teabag sizes get a little permanently larger during winters....Such that for the most parts, you'd rather be idly dunking it with lazy effort, or just doing some good ole exercises....

Dunno...maybe if i take a private poll off menfolk,i'm certain i'm on to something here....

Or maybe it's just the darn effects of these british longjohns. Talk about men-in-tights~discomforts!

*Speak English,else ask Candace Bushnell...teabagging*

Yeah...back to forward contracts.

Freaks

2010-12-02T03:57:00.000-08:00

I can do this...right???

This is where i confess that i am freaking out. Countdown four(4) days to exams and i must tell that i haven’t ever been this un-put together before an exam-of which i have written quite a few in my lifetime. (Been writing professional exams non-stop since i finished undergraduate studies. That’s twice every year for quite abit of years now). Usually i am rocking my eye-of-the-tiger theme song by this time, crushing past exam papers and building up my confidence for the annihilation, but...not this time! And it is seriously getting to me....

First off, i have concluded that the U.K Masters institution is just a sham! 3months to cram four thick modules into her cranium, with loads of assignments packed within, and little consideration for your understanding what you’re getting up to. I think they’re just about collecting monies from international students, and here’s the catch—they promise you 2yrs poststudy visa afterwards to work, and thereafter, they are putting up restrictions to jobs available for same international students who are funding their institutions through insanely high fees. Convince me otherwise, but to me, that’s just not straight. I call it deception. I utterly support my british mates who are protesting fees-hike all over the country right now. But none-the-less, we will ride the crest of these waves, one way or the other.

And back to the countdown, i have been living and sleeping in classrooms for the past weeks now, and yet everyday i jerk out of bed with the same dread-exams T, and you still know near nothing! But i am chanting to myself, come-on man you can do this, everybody’s gotten through this, so you sure as hell will! Get yourself together! P.S. I am slowly putting aside my previously lofty aspirations of graduating top-of-the-class. Right now, i just want to pass and get it done and out of the way. .....

The worst part, which is the reason i am writing all of this, is i cannot moan to anybody. Whenever i try to, people just discard my concerns with a nonchalant, awww get-out T, you’ll complain and at the end finish with a distinction. But honestly...i absolutely feel like i will just barely scale out a 50% right now. And mind them, i have failed quite a few exams in my time, so i know too well that sinking feeling. Oooooooooh boooooooyyyyyyyy!!!!!

In essence, drop lots of words of encouragement and prayers here right now! No discarding my concerns because if they weren’t real, i wouldn’t be penning them!

P.S II. for laughs, so i felt cool with myself and went to go study finance and investments in the u.k. I got to class and discovered me the only black Nigerian dude in class (one other ghanian who’s been schooling here for a while, so doesn’t count. So just 2 black dudes). At some point in time, another one joined, but after the second class, he dropped out and changed courses! So here i am with all the durbin Watson and stock market microstructure models amongst plenty Asians and just one real british (i.e, even the indigenes aren’t taking the course!) wondering what the heck i’ve gotten myself up to this time. T.T.T.T!!!! *Fred Hammond*Song of strength*

P.S III: No, prior picture is not mine :p That's my bud. The picture is wrought with symbolism for me, so just sharing :p

Drunk university...n still searching...

2010-11-17T14:10:00.000-08:00

I seriously miss blogging!!!Moreso,there's been so much on my mind which i really shoulda been penning down,but schedules at Business school is truly as crazy as they foretold. Still,no excuse you might say, if you happened to be flipping through pictures at The Sports Cafe Bar n Clubroom, and happened to catch my face there recently.

A quick recap is, quite a number of sexing on the dancefloor,lots of grinding,drunk girls,loud music (how deeply i missed d'bang and 9ice doing proper party jamz),ended with long walks out in the blistering freezing cold!

Now before you castigate me entirely...white folks do know how to get drunk n party hard, i'd admitt.However, won tie le! As per the outing, blame it on my flatmates who insisted i just must head out with them n get drunk. (Nah,didnt get wasted, someone had to shepherd them home). Fun,kinda....

As per motive/reasons, which is the real issue here...of late,i've been searching for....something....which i cannot entirely define or lay my hands on. Something just seems missing...empty...and annoyingly so. And i guess the purpose of this quick note is just to say that, I didn't find it partying out all night.

Bear with the simplicity of this note...i also know the words are bland and uninteresting.

Note to self...

Double Winks

2010-11-12T05:38:00.000-08:00

Signed
T.

Mindblowing Foursome!: Bloggers in my sheets!

2010-10-13T15:23:00.000-07:00

I actually have no business blogging about this, but what the heck, it rocked my night and hey, its my page!

So it started with a ring at 9pm. And a familiar female asked quickly, “T.Notes are you free?” Like really, what do you tell a sexy voice asking if you’re free on a cold night in the U.K? No-brainer right? Moreso if that voice belongs to hmmm…the glamorous Duchess-of-London, blogger clueless in stiletoes? (Like hell yayyyy you owe me for the extravagant flattery).
So, “Hell ya!!!” was my immediate reply.
“Ok, hold on, I’ll get Y too.”
“You’ll get Y too?!!!” I spilled my coffee.

“Hiii!” Another dreamy voice, complete with that properly indoctrinized Chicago accent and sounding curiously breathless. (I suspect you YN!!!)

By then I was thinking ‘Blawdy, hell, Santa’s come early to Birmingham!’ as there’s now not just one, but two to-die-for females only a kiss whisper away!”
“Hang on still…”She hurriedly takes off again.

By now I had my performance theme song playing in my head whilst I was doing hurried pushups to brace myself for the task ahead.

“…It's the eye of the tiger, it's the cream of the fight
Risin' up to the challenge…”
BUT...Scratch the record…the last newcomer was a husky voice, and guess who, that son-of-a-gun MUSCO!!!!WTF!!!Blood drains to a sickening limpness.

LOL!!!!ROTFWL!!!You know I’m kidding!

In brief words, this T.Note marks the awesome conference call I just had with Clueless in Stiletoes, YankeeNaija, and Musco my main man!LOL! Gosh, that was hilarious!!!

P.S: Total Disclaimer on that picture! The events that followed from that one picture should not even be described. For real,those kids were having sex! Whats this world coming too! Its bad enough we know they're doing it, but putting pictures online havin sex???Thats just wrong!!!Now really.

Unworded....

2010-10-11T13:51:00.000-07:00

The quiet...

Last night I dreamt of a sheep, who stood by the boundaries of his rusty pen, held a cup of coffee in one hoof and looked introspectively out beyond the demarcations he’d lived within his whole life. The company of the sheepfold as usual, were gathered together a small distance away from him-blissfully enjoying their lush green grass and discussing the fine weather. One of the lot noticed my coffee handling herbivore and skipped cheerfully over to him.
“What’s up mate?” He bleeted in a so annoying local Birmingham accent.

My coffee lad tinkered his hoof briefly against the mug before replying. “You know that story about that bob sheep that supposedly got lost and was joyfully found again by his trusty shepherd?”
“Yayyy…” Came the reply from the newcomer with a simple smile, “…that heartwarming legend.”

CoffeeSheep takes a sip off his brew, “Yes that one. I think the whole thing was a hoax. The happenings of the events were twisted-I think that the Bob in question was never lost in the first place. I think he got sick and tired of this rusty old pen, broke out, was living the life in Vegas, until the so called good shepherd rounded him up and dragged his woolly ass back to this shithole.”

The newcomer is quiet for a while, looses the all the gay in his expression and finally manages to mutter, “Heresy…How could you ever come up with such insanity?!”

CoffeeBob taps his woolly cranium briefly and answers smartly, “I spent the night talking to the winds and thinking things out. The winds have been here for all ages you know. They see all things, and for all who would humbly ask, they can help direct you into the truth of the universe.”
“Gentle Most Blessed shepherd…this one has lost his marbles! I told you all that coffee who’ve been drinking would soon soak up all your brain!”

“At least you acknowledge that I have a brain… Can’t say any more for the rest of you slacks.” Coffee murmured under his breath, “My point though is…if you can understand any of this underworded tirade, I have found recognition in the life of that sheep. All my years of built up convictions is failing to hold me down any longer…the world that I used to know as certain and true is falling to pieces all around me”

“I fear I do not understand you.” My simpleton companion creased his eyebrow.

Coffee notioned at the gate of the sheep pen. “You see those gates Bob. Tomorrow, I’m going to walk through it, out of here, into the wild-without any rod or staff insisting the ways I should go.”
Simple Bob’s easy eyes rounded. “You are going astray?!”

“Does it really matter…I have already been long gone in my heart –desires, aspirations et all.”
“Oh Jesus!”
“Yes…Jesus…”Coffee’s voice trailed off into thoughts and another long drawn sip of brew. “Have you ever stayed up at night to watch the stars Bob, and observe what goes on whilst you sleep within these pen?”

“Ahhh never. You know the shepherd forbids us to open our eyes whilst the night is near.”

Coffee dismisses the admission with unmasked cyniscm. “Yes,the manor house rules...” He shifts into an interested position and his face lights up. “I will tell you a secret mate. During the nights when I stay awake, a woman sheep in golden fleece appears to me!”
Bob looks about with urgency and undenied fear “The tempter of many colours! The one the shepherd warns us about!”

Coffee, with ardent impatience, “Can you forget about the fucking shepherd and his moonlight tales for once, and think for yourself! There is nothing evil about samera. She is just a sheep like the rest of us…only with the experience of the taste of freedom my heart seeks after”
“Bob, samera has ridden on the wings of the wild winds, she tells me she has tasted the rawness of the morning’s dew before the shepherd brings the filtered remnants to the rest of us. She has been to places I have only imagined in my wildest imaginations…and if I should tell you stories of the things she has done…you will certainly skip many a heartbeat and collapse your simple heart.”

Bob, with quiet realization “So you want to leave the sheep pen and go off with samera?”

Coffee looks out into the open, “Not necessarily Bob. I love the Pen, and the security it brings. It’s sane here, predictable, safe…But I need to have tasted the other side of things too. You may not understand the dilemma my restless heart presents to me.”
*Can I not have a week already atoned of even before I live it? Can I get a wildcard- like, “…take these days coffee,without accountability and do as your wildest heart would wish. Travel to spain, dance with the gypsies, indulge in pagan type orgies and when your heart has been satisfied, then you may come back home.” Should I go with samera, will he maybe keep the doors open for my return?”

Bob replies, with unexpected intelligence, “If you are so cynic of the rules, why then do you care about returning to its restrictions?”

“Maybe..because these are not just the stupid ramblings of a simple Bob…but of one who knows the truth and the repercussions of things. But really, is repercussion and truth enough to restrain a wild child?”

The quiet....

Sweet Toothed in a Candy store and Other Fairy Stories – IOW, The dilemma of Choice and Contentment.

2010-09-24T10:05:00.001-07:00

Warning: Delightfully fine read ahead. Grab your coffee 1st.

I love C.S Lewis; I follow a blog hereon that’s dedicated to his works, and I am currently reading C.S Lewis-Through the shadowlands. Why do I bring that up? Well one thing that particularly strikes me about the timeless Legend is his intelligence and his ‘I don’t give a damn to express my POV’. Note that Mr Lewis’ opinions are hardly ever fickle. They are properly thought out and smartly concluded within before he brashly begins to tell the world. My point, I ought to give more depth to my thought process, and when I conclude about a matter, I want to be even louder about my point of view (POV). Should you consider that egoistic or rude, how do I politely tell you that the world is just too impatient and maybe too fast to bend low to listen to timid whispers! If you want to get something done (that is after you have smartly thought out the implications of your choice), you need some serious dead-set determination and “don’t give a damn”. Like we say in my former workplace: “It’s do-able”. i.e everything is freaking possible. Decide on a destination and if you’ll need to, then bulldozer your way through the path to reach your utopia/canaanland. Go ahead and conquer your world- for a reason.

On a more regular T.Note…(Sweettooths and Candy Shops)

There’s one of those off-license stores near my house (lol,which I will talk about soon enough). This one specializes in stocking all sorts of candies. Caramel, Fizzers, Fudge, name it and that Pakistanie’s stocking em. So here I am living right next to candy heaven and I’ve got a deadest sweettooth! WhoppieDoo uh? On my first sight of this convenience, I froze in place whilst my eyes budged, widened and my heart did flipflops. Welcome back home, T.Baby, You done good boy! I rubbed my hands-both in glee and due to still trying to acclimatize to summer’s ending chill. How long do you think it will take before I smash the celibate orb and dive into the first row of exotic treats? (Stay with me a little now.) I used to note that Lagos is quickly becoming a circus of such and such “innocuous” eye candies. A leisurely drive down Maryland avenues was simply not innocent anymore. And all it usually takes is a few casual hellos to cement acquaintance before the frozen chocolate exterior cracks in your teeth and the sweet caramel oozes out. Nonetheless,I have a sweettooth and threatening cavities (impressions) that imply: “Do not touch!” At this point, before I progress, I will note that if you still think this note is about innocent sweets and chocolates, then, I don’t know how else to misinform you o! Yes I am in willywonka’s darn chocolate factory- ask any bloke who’s vacationing during summer to interprete for you. *Evil Eviiiil wink*.

(That depiction should be innocent enough, but...you get the drift)So seriously, let’s get down to business. As I noted in previous post, my first days begun with me taking an innocent piss whilst beholding black victoria secrets. Further to that episode, it’s been a bevy of red, purple and pink strings, a mis-education of those slip-in type tampons and such the like.
This all would have not fazed me if the owner of the effects was simply the regular girl next door. Instead the gods choose to have me share the downstairs flat with a partly Russian beauty who dons tight fitting lycra in the mornings. And if you know anthing about a grown man, it’s that, the early hours of the day is not his strongest point…in that regard.
Some of your comments have playfully noted that there might be some tempest waters brewing ahead. Maybe yes so (bcos honestly I have my unafraid fears) and then again, maybe not so. This dilemma bags the importance of this T.Note!

I have locked myself alone in my room tonight to decipher the dilemma of why a man cannot just be content to stroll into a candy shop, pick one chocolate chip cookie and let his marauding crusade end there and then! That is, Will you T.Baba, take this one and only woman forsaking all other….ehmm oh Jesus but just see the effect grey has on another properly rounded…éclairs! Ehmm so sorry Father, where were we? The solution – if any doth suffice, to this stone-age old daftness ofcourse will not solve a quarter of the world’s problem, but such a conviction might definitely help un-complicate my days and focus on the one path I am set here to bulldoze. i.e finish top of the class, show them hell- Naija no dey carry last! Chop knuckle Musco-Baba! So instead tonight of thinking quantitative finance, these are the sonnets of the Portuguese that plague my mind. T.notes wonders:

I’ve never quite been attracted to the Caucasian skin (preference only, no offence friends) so it is certainly only the tempter that’s helping me wonder what a white kiss might just taste like. Ooh I bind you in Jesus Name!

Now really, has any man ever never never cheated? Just even once? The pope doesn’t count and my mother unfortunately has taught me in this regard not to even count my old man. Sigh.

No matter how well you try to cage a man, as per craftiness and deceit, I think the devil was originally created with a manhood.

How do you keep your eyes straight when you’re walking down Birmingham city center and the tailor was certainly mincerly to the skirt bouncing ahead of you? In the desert of my shame, I have found myself to blame.

I can get through this, right? It is possible, isn’t it? Or maybe the extents I am pushing for is inhuman.

Does it count if one morning I barge innocuously into our shared bathroom. So sorry..let me help you get that soap.

In conclusion. The beauty of this T.Note, least you tag me another Noble Igwe, is that I survived Nigeria-Lagos to be precise.

Disclaimer: Random picture from the net depicting the beauty that is the NAIJA WOMAN!
Oooh you should have seen the leprechauninsh grin on my face as I stepped out of that virgin craft holding aloft that still celibate orb thinking to myself, YES MAN, all the Chinyere, Tolulope’s and Halimats in Lagos with all of their hiked up skirts and low cut jeans couldn’t take me down. Ehmm there are stories and near misses, but for most part, I’d say we stuck to the deal and kept forte intact. Hi-5 YankeeNaija! But herein today lies the dilemma. As Myne Whitman did beautifully put it, I am in all ramification today a typical Eze goes back to school who has imprudently imported along the age old traditions of our African Fathers and more specifically Hebrew Father Abraham or whimsical Papa C.S Lewis. Which is, Will you (or can you) T.Baba, walk this straight and narrow direct from your lecture hall and back to your room each day for the 365 days ahead without taking that calling detour into pakinstanie’s dug-out adult theme park.? Will you (or can you) maintain a wholly cordial and proper interaction with your sexy flatmate and stop this late night coffee chats you have already started indulging? When it gets cold and dreary, can you T.BABA T.BABA, T.BABA (How many times have I called you?!), curl up alone into your room, warm up the heater and sing yourself Fred Hammonds and Hail Marys to sleep? Bloody Hell, we got next!

Welcome to Birmingham, mind the Gap.

On brief randoms T.Notes…where are all the bloggers gone to?! Understadably,the more the responsibilities that stifle our days, the harder it is to squeeze out a few hours for blogger. Nonetheless, before I start calling you all out, I need to see blog updates fast. And I don’t mean the few paltry words I’ve been reading! Gosh I’ve missed a whole lot of you! *Evil wink*

I was in Plymouth last weekend. Spent a night in London, then continued a four hour road trip to the boating town. London remains ever faithful, we picked up just where we last left off. The theatres are better than ever and you can still comfortably lavish off your life savings all in a London daytrip. The sights of Plymouth are simply breathtaking . You cannot travel to Plymouth without stopping over at the central harbor-Plymouth Hoe. Standing at the hilltop is a vantage view of luxury boats and British battle ships. Haaa the amalgamation of technology and nature, man and God working together in brief harmony. The water is scenic even though common sense tells you that its chilly and holds sharp rocks beneath. Somehow it was warmer than Birmingham and the breeze a little more gentle, so I marked Plymouth off as a worthwhile trip.

Bloody Hell we got next!!!!

2010-09-16T16:56:00.000-07:00

First off, i enter the bathroom of my shared apartment and there's hanging next to the heater, stylish black female underwear and L'oreal Paris."Hi i'm Daniella". Bloody Hell!!!!

Of orange juices, fat beefs and exodus Thoughts

2010-08-31T01:24:00.000-07:00

Too much on my mind- like the junk house of clutter my rooms were last weekend midway into phase two of evacuation plans. I never liked moving-even for all the times I’ve gone through the process. I’ve been told that’s good and bad. Good because it makes me a dependable friend (*wink*) and bad, cos as my room was, so do I keep too much junk! So whilst I’m clearing up my physical space, here’s a random to hopefully clear up some of the mental sphere too. Hence, this might be a long post as I grab a cup of juice,steaming microwoven sausage beef rolls, kick back and slip in a random. Not necessarily a T.Notes, just an offloading.

So the office organized a sendforth for me yesterday. Weird cos I’m still working thereafter till Thursday! Got gifts and some hmmm, glowing comments! Then again people are obliged to say good stuff about you when you’re near leaving their space! Teehee!. A general consensus though was the mystery of “Heck,where do you go to on Fridays after work?!!!”Lol. That was a funny bit. See, people usually join me for a ride home during the week, but i’ve had a long standing rule that on Fridays, I carry no commuters! Hence there’s always been joke in the office that “T.Notes does not go straight on Fridays o!” At the M.D’s closing comments, (cos everybody got a chance to talk about me), he leaned forward and asked, “so T.Notes, tell me honestly now, where do you go to on Fridays?!” I laughed it off with a mischievous wink! Go figure jare!

Waiting for the tears to overwhelm!

This is one bit that I am passionate about, so if you’re earnestly reading, you might want to grab your own juice or coffee too. I’ll be leaving Naija in less than two weeks, and for all that have asked when I’m returning, I’ve staunchly maintained that ‘not for a long time’. The plans are somewhat complicated but the simplest bit to understand is that it starts with an M.Sc in Birmingham, the thereafter is another long T.Notes. My inclinations are not due to the regular want/desire to travel out of the country, I’ve been there, done that and got the t-shirts. I’ve just more of concluded with a lot of bitterness that this country just isn’t doing it for me anymore. I’m sad about it, factly, I’m sad about my exit. Not sad because I’m going to miss home, but sad in a sort of “shake your head in pity sort of way”. I’ve had dreams for this country, I’ve served the country and for all of my efforts and tall aspiration, I look back and it seems that all I can recount is “sophisticated suffering”. Seriously, no pun there.

I saliently comment everytime we drive home from work and I see someone hawking stuff on the road. Things like a sausage roll, which cost less than a dollar, or toffees and sweets or sachet water- all under a dollar and even more appalling when compared to a British pound. You’d see these people sweating under the scorching sun, many times racing to catch up with a vehicular customer, and I just wonder that at the end of the day, how much could they possibly rake back home? A thousand, two thousand nairas? It saddens me. This country could offer so much more yet us citizens live in abject poverty! And we’re all included-even us with our seeming posh cars and nice apartments, it’s all a bloody lie. Have you ever done the math with your take home pay and concluded on how much of that fat salary goes into expenses monthly? Its crazy! Generator bills, maintaining car, buying food. I feel it’s totally unfair. Yesterday we were talking and comparing Nigeria to South Africa and…there just isn’t any comparison! I could go on and on, and in conclusion still just feel embittered and cheated by this country.

I read recently that there are two types of immigrants, especially with Africans leaving abroad. The first (who migrated there voluntarily) live in depression, feeling like second rate citizens and having to put up with subtle and insubtle discrimation-whilst wishfully dreaming of back home. The second are the ones who were born in their land of exile and so never really knew much of home in the first place so they have nothing to miss. The new land is home to them and they acclimatize. I choose now to include a third set and if they don’t already exist, I’ll be the progenitor of the tribe. These third are those that left home embittered. Maybe because they suffered back home, or just maybe they knew all along that the so called luxury they lived in was a miry deception. We sought for more from home and even tried to apply ourselves to make things better but home just wouldn’t receive our efforts. Why because the professionals we worked with were comfortable with their mediocrity and viewed your new knowledge as a threat even when we ourselves know all too well that that which we know is still lacking to some degree. (There's still a long way to go with our professional endevours in Naija. Alot of it right now is pure bullocks) Why, because some politicians are comfortable siphoning funds that belong to citizens then grading our lekki express way and ask us to pay 100Naira as toll! I mean, what sort of wickedness is that?!!!If I ply lekki five times a day, would I pay you 500buks, and then two thousand five hundred in a week? How much in a month, after I have dutifully paid my tax!!!I am bitter…sad…I could go on and on-about infrequent power, which still gets to me. You get back home after two hours in traffic, set a meal, sit back to watch some t.v, then wham, lights go off! It’s not fair!!!!Even Ghana isn’t half as bad with the light situation! I still pay a local community borehole to pipe drinking water to my house. Go figure cos i live in the city o! Parkview estate still remains one of the priciest locations even for all the contours and floods along the road.

I’ll leave this note there, it’s getting me upset, depressed.

On a brighter closing T.Notes, Yayyy I got a new laptop!!!Check out the Sexy Beast!

Never really been a laptop person. Been comfy with my flatscreens. This came as a gift, else would have gone for the bigger models, but it'l do. *Mwuah*. The consequent is I might be offline for a while, cos it won’t make sense getting internet connection for two weeks and do same again when I exit. Gooosh, gonna miss blogger few days I’m off connection! Stupid how blooger’s become like home. Stupid site’s gone and got me addicted to blogging, commenting and some cool people around here. You don’t wanna know some of the cool interactions (*evil wink*, but get your minds out of the gutter) and altercations I’ve had consequent to blogger. I’ve spoken on phone to some intelligent people, like wow! Gotten FAKE wedding invites from others! (You know yourself, just await my retaliation), got addicted to chatting online with some, constantly having fun stalking some pages, and learning, yes learning amazing things from reading some blogs! Blogsville Naija rocks jare! Good to know that’s one constant thing that will be making this move with me. Sooo people, if I am infrequent around here, don’t even for a second think I am out of your necks!!!Lai Lai! Me that I will soon start campaigning for president of Blogsville! Will just be doing best towards making that move and settling down in new place.

Till next T.notes, gosh nothing like home-made sausage! Juice please!

Memoirs of a certified Shrink

2010-08-26T05:52:00.000-07:00

Music Playing: Frank Sinatra: My Way.
On another T.notes, here's another dose from Memoirs. (Of which you need to be signed up there. Copying posts on two blogs is hard work!Yeah and you'll find 1st bit there too.)

21st August 2010: Doth Hell have fury?

What will you do if (or should I say, ‘when’) you walk into your home to find the proverbial significant other in bed with another woman? I have always considered that question overrated so I never gave it much thought, maybe if I did it’d have given me some background for my own reaction. Certainly I could have hurled the s%ut out of my tub by her hair, drag her down the ten flights of stairs and make a public disgrace of the harlot. And my boyfriend? Axe off his tumescent member, thrash his apartment then finish up by slashing his tires. I did none of those, instead I just stood gaping, frozen in place for what seemed like eternity whilst he hurried out of the tub and wrapped a towel about his waist. He even slipped her a towel too-can you imagine the nerve!

“C, I can explain…” He began to mutter. My brain found use, managed to process and relay that I was about to be fed the commonest cliché of all time.

“Bloody hell!” I retorted, or more like whispered in a mix of shock and building angst. Then my phone rang. I spun out of the room, slamming the door behind me.

‘Don’t you even dare delay for one second.’ My mind scrambled up a desperate wish even for all the anger I knew I was supposed to be feeling. ‘He had better open that door and come after me immediately!’
At the same time, my hands trembled as I sought out the shrilling blackberry and viewed the caller i.d- Dr Samiu, chief psychologist at the Institute (which I will shed light on later). The phone felt like hot iron searing through my brain as I answered the call.

“Where have you been?” He barked. “I’ve been paging you for the past twenty minutes!”

“Something came up…I’m not feeling too well right now.” I attempted the feeble response which I didn’t expect to go anywhere really.

Hurrying footsteps behind me- J had dressed up and was racing down the hallway. It didn’t count anymore, he needed to have come naked or at the very least in the towel. I returned my attention to the phone call remembering now that I was supposed to be meeting the chief twenty minutes ago.
“Whatever came up, make it go back down and get back here immediately.” He finalized on my behalf.

“C, please wait.” J hollered meters away. The elevator pinged open; I dodged inside. It shut just as J reached it. I let out a sigh of relief.

‘Bloody hell!’ I muttered again in disbelief as the images I’d just witnessed replayed in my mind. The voice on the phone crackled with static. Shoot, Dr Samiu!
“Hello?” I’d lost connection. Dr Samiu is not known for owning a mild temper, but what the heck, neither was I right now! For Christ’s sake, I hadn’t even opened up that strawberry musk before the s%ut got her grimy hands on them! I muffled a depressed moan.

The elevator descended to the ground floor and I could have sworn I heard all my dreams and hopes shatter beneath the metallic vacuum. I did best to muster what was left of my dignity and stepped out into the foyer. J appeared within same instant at the base of the stairs. He was sweating and panting from the dash. My man, looking all like the hero racing to rescue his estranged lover. Asshole!

“C, please…remember we never walk out on an agreement. Just give me a minute and…let’s talk about this.”
My brief pause.

“Go to hell!” I finally retorted.

The pickup car rolled to a stop by the complex entrance. I stepped in, shut the door and looked the other way as we drove out.

No tears…at least none yet.

So that’s how my story begins.

The Memoirs of a Twenty Something Certfied Shrink

2010-08-21T14:59:00.000-07:00

Introductions :Of Bulgarian Bathrooms and Veterinary Needles

21st August 2010

There used to be a bath tub on display in the furniture store just next to shoprite at the Palms shopping mall in lekki. Its not the regular type that you inset into a wall space; its one of those stand alone types. Sort of like the medieval wooden tubs, but this is made of modern shiny bathroom ceramic and sits on four handcrafted golden stands. It comes with a classic stand to affix your hand shower tubes and hold your soaps and things. A work of art for a certainly not too cushy price, and we were the two art lovers who would stop by daily during our mid-workday snack to spend thirty minutes oogling and coveting the beauty. Our plan – to possess it and have it sit right in the middle of our currently furniture-less living room, just waiting for a planned night of aromatic scents, colored candles and micheal bubble serenading in the background.

Well,we got the bathtub eventually; the night of aromatic scents, colored candles and micheal bubble certainly came to be all just as planned except for one missing vital piece – me! Well at least me not being in the bathtub as envisioned. There I was-fully clothed, watching the whole thing happen- every bit as sensual as we imagined- except with a livid me staring from the outside - shocked as hell.
The bloody bathtub cost four hundred and thirty five thousand nairas! Convert that to dollars and let your head spin. Yet nonetheless, we opened up a specific Stanbic IBTC Bank account for the purpose of purchasing that bathtub and its accessories. And for three months, we both had an allocated allowance that went into savings- yes, all for the bathtub (We are dead serious like that). I guess what we could have also been dead serious about was putting in fine print the obvious idea that this was a bathtub for TWO- i.e, man and woman, me and him, not him and her or him, me and her, or even her and her! I mean, I would have figured that anybody doesn’t need a soothsayer to interpret that when two people save to purchase something as intimate as a bathtub, its only expected by both parties (well maybe only the naïve woman, as I am finding out) that the two savees own exclusive right of usage to the property. I mean, who buys a bathtub for another woman to come and soak inside?!!!Ask my boyfriend J!

The apartment is in Parkview estate, that’s somewhere along Osborne, ikoyi. It’s a luxury block of flats and trust me, you don’t want to know how much that cost too. But that’s just the thing, all I can do these days is think of all of the cost that have been invested into this me and him business and the fact that we’d split every cost, fifty-fifty to make it happen. Car purchase- fifty-fifty, future in-laws weekend visits, fifty-fifty, Christmas vacations trips, fifty-fifty and the list goes on and on like that. Right down to my heart that I am staring at right now split into two equal halves, one part left soaking in the bathtub, and the other half in my hands not believing how my world is spinning to a bloody crash right now. All the while, I have been fair about this relationship, accepting this fifty-fifty business even when I could have imposed my right as a woman and negotiate say at least seventy-thirty, but look where its gotten me, I’m at the bloody short end of the stick!

I will attempt to put my indignation aside for now and skip you quickly to the present reality.

You would think that some clichés have been so long overplayed that they could never possibly play out in reality. But I guess even I should know better. I should have known better as I sauntered with casual enthusiasm down the hallway to room 401, our soon to be apartment. I carried a brown paper bag which held another bevy of bathroom accessories, a buying that had become my indulgence the past two weeks since when we finally purchased same dream Bulgarian bathtub. The bathtub did live up to its billing in that today it did indeed become a vital element of our story albeit however, to become probably the star attraction to the conclusion of our tale. Or better put, the star attraction of a R21 porn flick!

I keyed open the door that day, not expecting anybody to be home. J was supposed to be out of town. I would quickly drop the bathroom goodies and hurry back to the office. But J was not out of town, so Bulgarian bathtub was snidely telling me. There were small puddles of soapy water around the gold base stand and the room smelled extra nice. I picked up the scent of strawberry musk - I had bought those oils last week. I had probably also purchased the bath soaps which bubbled out of the water filling the tub. The two occupants within initially did not notice my presence. J was apparently naked and comfortably soaked inside the tub, his head thrown back and eyes closed. The reason for his enchanted reverie arose from the bubbles like an Egyptian goddess ascending from the river nile. Long hair, full breasts and envious legs one of which lifted up slowly as she stood tall and rested a right leg on the side of *moan* Bulgarian bathtub, then simultaneously thrusting the cleft of her hips into J’s face. He accepted the gesture with open palms, and that was when the paper bag dropped from my hands and clattered to the floor.

WTF!!!

Hi People...

In short words,thats an intro from a little casual project i'll be indulging hence. To be privy to subsequent going-ons in Memoir, click here and Follow.
*Wink, you know you wanna* I promise, this time, i will be consistent! And ehmm, we'll discuss more on this later.

Then there was Birmingham...

2010-08-17T06:08:00.000-07:00

Quietly said...

FINALLY done with VFS and British High Commission...
Will finally print that resignation letter...
Will confirm with Virgin Atlantic...
Then the journey continues with 1 year first at Birmingham...

In short words,
T.Notes will be shifting space.

As for my sturdy friends over here who have put up with all my deranged ranting as British High Commission attempted driving me nuts-
Musco my main man, YankeeNaija, Nifty Neefemi, ET ALL...your yahoo messengers will rest abit now.

As for ya'll who have identified with the new location, the mayhem continues, you know!

In other short words,
T.NOTES IS BACK, BABY!

Sighhh, thank you God.

Random Fridays, some R18s.

2010-08-06T05:44:00.000-07:00

So folks were around on Thursday night whilst sex and the city was on. I realize that you never get old enough not to cringe when someone uses the word “masturbate” with your parents closeby. Even worse is trying to enjoy a good sex scene. Weird + * shivers*.Brrrr!

Talking about sex and the city, it seems that everywhere I turn these days,some1 is talking about ATM!I used to think I was sexually liberated, but the more I consider ATM, the more I want to gag! Yiiish, ATM, how?!!!Many experiments and experiences, I am kinkily open to, but this one…ehmmm,I dunno o!!!

On a more sexually acceptable note, help!!!I close my eyes these days and all I see are long legs spread eagle next to a waiting steaming bag of French fries and cool ketchup. *Hmmm dinner is served*!Dang! Bear with me, this was initially horny Thursday post.

In Italy, we say: 'Vedi Napoli e poi muori'!!! In english: 'See Naples and die'. i.e, be so much overwhelmed by the wonder and beauty that is the city Naples! CluelessinStils,you brought this wonder back to my mind. *Sighhhh*
*insert google popular opinion*:some have argued that what the phrase really means is that Naples is such a dangerous and chaotic city that it will kill you!)lwkmf!Try Las Gidi!

I plan to do some major reorganizing of my life. I’ve been told lately that I’m way too serious, too intense and career oriented. With certain changes, my next job will cum my finance skills and my writing respite. T.Notes Affirmation: I will get my next job in the finance dept of a media/arts oriented company. This consultancy business sef,wahala too much, everybody expects you to know everything! I’m thinking CNN, BBC, Sky, or flatly theater. No joke, I will live this life to the max. Don’t try me, I back up my talk with action! Wait n see.

Have you read Cindy Trim’s book? One of the fastest growing art forms today is called “spoken word”, Throngs of people gather in clubs, schools, cafes, church auditoriums, stadiums and theaters just to hear the poetic, pulsating rhyme spoken by artists who by virtue of their creativity and talent move audiences to emotional highs and lows merely by what comes out of their mouth. Like painters creating moving masterpieces in vibrant colors, these artists “paint” on the canvass of the human soul. *Awesome*

Do u know what I think would rock hard? A blogger’s poetry jam/spoken word exhibition. Get the best of us lot to do some few minutes off-head lyricism. If you are entirely clueless, check out poetry jams on youtube or google the nuyorican. #1fan! I tried putting together one of such last year, we’d planned venue at icecream factory, we were literally gonna bring that place down, but were at a loss for quality writers. Then…I found blogsvillenaija. I can already see it in my head now...!Dang i love theater!

Speaking about collaborative efforts, does anybody here read memoirs of a slu…shhkid on 360nobs?!*NUTS* Gotta admit, Mr noble over there is fast becoming some sort of self proclaimed celebrity! The guy can definitely tell a story. Truth or fables, he’s pulling a neat crowd! I actually think 360nobs is fast outshining bellanaija.

MC Hammer style boxers are no good for the nuts. This was a mistake! That's what happens when you're behind on laundry days!

ATM =....I can't even bring myself to write it!

Of Quickies, Newbies and Absentiee Bloggers!

2010-08-02T13:16:00.000-07:00

You remember how good an impromptu quickie feels like???You're dressed up for church and waiting for your missus to finish up her makeup. You know you're running late,for god's sake, she ought to hurry already. She appears, and your breath briefly siezes!Gosh,she looks like something right out of GQ!Short brown dress,low v-cut around the bust, her hairs cropped into a cute bun,she's drapped a white scarf around her neck, red lipstick and high heels. You get up and dang,you know you're going to be late!

Ehmmm,so i had a smashing weekend!
Dirty minds!We camped out after church at my pal's place. They just got married; we've given them well enough time and space to finish up their dirty. Wife's preggy for proof! Sunday was for grubs and movies!We saw "unthinkable" with Samuel L. Jackson!Awesome!!!!Great times with friends, thats what good days are made of!

Moving on!

A toast n a quickie welcome to these snatzy sounding newcomers:
Clueless in Stiletos
Broken Wings

For those who haven't spotted them,be busybody like me!!!

And on another T.notes,BLOGGER'S GETTING DRY N BORINGGGGG!!!!PEOPLE,UPDATE YOUR PAGES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!Yiiish,blog rounds these days is such a bore!!!

Matter of fact,think i'll institute my own T.Notes awards for most outstanding weekly blogs. Do you know the power bloggers around the world are wielding these days?People need to be thinking around the box...think think outside the box people!On a personal T.Notes,in a little while,i'll be up-ing my game on a certain project i've got scheming in mind and *evil wink*,i'll be looking for some colorful writers to come aboard. Exclusive VIP invites and i ain't afraid to break all politically correct rules!People with spunk,thats my bag!

T.Notes to Talkaholic,got your mail,we'll need to talk further later. My mind's foggy for now.

Songs about Jane: Speed writing till I scream

2010-07-29T23:45:00.000-07:00

Like the desert needs the rain…Then I digress.

I woke up feeling like the lead actor on the set of a Hollywood romcom (romantic comedy). Saturday morning, and the sun was winking hello through my windows overhead. I had no plans for the day, none of the dately Lagos engagements, no weekend meetings, so I could stretch out in this lushness for as long as my body demanded. And stretching out next to me was the better part of the deal. There’s truly something about waking up next to a beautiful woman. I leaned over an idyllic elbow to appreciate the wonder of my woman’s near naked body.

She’s tall and slender like me, and she was wearing my favorite purple lace underwear. I bit my lip as I followed through her subtle curves all the way down to her butt checks strutting out proudly a little beneath. Supple, clean skin- I swear a woman with impeccable hygiene standards should be honored above most. Ask a man what he wouldn’t do for or to her. (How I’ve been celibate for four years now is still totally beyond me.) She’s got cute breasts, which in the hay days used to drive me nuts as I remember once fervently praying them just a wee bit plumier. But in my matureness, I consider them the feat of her anatomic artistry. They remind me of a double pack of exotic cupcakes with the proudest and roundest currant dropped right in the middle. Well of course you can imagine that over the years I’ve grown an affinity for cupcakes. *Bite me*

Literal paper mold remains from chocolate royal cupcakes and blue bunny ice-cream did litter the foot of the bed just beneath the flat screen where we’d pitched cozy tent for our regular Friday night movies. She stirred and observed with an open eye that I’d been indulging early morning eye candies and daydreaming thereof. “We should get you a rubber for your roaming mind”, she murmured with a smile. Gosh I love her wit! I spanked fleshy cuppycakes as I leaned over her-turgid beneath-, “Don’t tease”. and planted a small kiss-just like in the movies then got off the bed and into the notional arms of my blinking laptop.

I could have sworn I heard God’s big toe tip tapping to Louis Armstrong’s “What a wonderful Life” as I keyed in my intro:

“Songs about Jane: Speed writing till I scream…”

Another day...Hope sometimes is painful.

How to serve a woman a dose of literal thrill (2)...whatever.

2010-07-29T05:11:00.000-07:00

I really can barely concentrate…
My mind’s a whirlpool…
My stomach’s all up in knots…
I’m behind on my work deliverables…
But all that just don’t matter for now. Maybe I’m selfish, maybe I just suck at dealing with stress…
Maybe I’ll digress, write again to ease my soul….
P.S, 1st Part Here.

The urgent strike on the front door is repeated with more urgent intensity. Jagun slams his weight against the wooden doors and rams the bolts into place.

Jagun: (Mutters) Fuck.
Voice on other side of the door: Open this door, I’m your darn Calvary!
Jagun: (With matching authority) Who are you?
Officer: Sergeant Samkoro. I saw the whole thing. The mob will be here in less than ten minutes. I'ts not going to be a pretty sight.
Jagun: (Mutters) Who can you fucking trust in the Nigerian Police force?
He starts to open the door, but Temi rushes to him-she’s now frantic, and stops him. He eases her away, opens the door slowly to allow the mouth of the shotgun tip first at the newcomer. The officer in turn jerks the weapon aside, rushes in and slams the door shut, bolting it back into place.

Office (with urgency): You’re all dead meat. Do you have a back exit and does any street cut out of this close?
Jagun: No. It’s a dead end here. The only way out is through the front door, down the same main road. Can you tell me what is going on here!
Officer: (Motions briefly at Temi who’s now crouched in a corner by the wall whimpering) Your wife here is a mad woman. But that is besides the point. There must be over a hundred bikes racing down here as we speak, and a truck carrying the carcass of the body she dismembered. There’s also rubber tyres and petrol; it’s going to be jungle justice.
Jagun: Not if I have anything to say about it. You got a weapon?
Officer (hoisting out a small worn out pistol): You want to shoot your way through a hundred area boys and agberos?
Jagun: (Moving about the small house sealing all windows) I’ll shoot through a thousand of them to keep my family alive.
Officer: (Following after Jagun) What in heaven have I gotten myself into now? Listen, the best we can do right now is negotiate our way into a police station. My Quarters is on the next street. We’ll get her police protection whilst we work the mess into a court of law. It’ll stall time.
Jagun: Safe that talk for another time. Here’s my plan. My wife and my five year old kid, we’re getting them to my office in Parkview tonight-we’ve got immigration papers there. They’re boarding the next available flight to Britain.
Officer: (Urgently) Are you not listening to me?! There’s no way we can get past those thugs heading here. Can you hear the bikes now?
Jagun: I’ll kill the whole lot if I have to.
(Turns briefly to Temi) Baby, listen to me. Go stay with Semi in her room. When I call for you, you both come out. Till then, stay put!
Temi nods weakly and rushes into the room. Simultaneously, the sound of the entrance gate being pounded into reverberates through the house.
Officer: (Laughing) Are you certain where you’re headed to when you die? Now might be the time to redeem your soul.
Jagun: (Adjoining laugh) Not tonight cowboy, not tonight.

A large stone hurls through a glass and lands smack in the middle of the living room. Jagun crouches underneath the shattered window, positions his weapon, then leaps up and in a brief moment, fires a shot. A six foot broad shouldered man on the other side is thrown down with certain force. There’s a brief quiet on the outside, then the roar immediately intensifies with carnal angst.

Outside
Man: E sa na si!!!!(Light it up!!!)

Randoms...me n my nerves.

2010-07-27T23:48:00.000-07:00

Taco: Taco?
Jane: Fuck you.
Taco: Try it with some lettuce and tomatoes; it helps calms frayed nerves.
Jane (mutters): Stuff it up your ass.
Taco: Stuffing something up your ass, I would consider- if we persist like this much longer. I swear all of your spunk is turning me on one fifty degrees down there.
He moves close to trail a lecherous finger across her face.
Taco: What would you look like on all fours? Me slapping your hot behind, you screaming out my name, begging me to stop.
He leans close, his breath spewing into her face.
Taco: I can go at it all night till I’m sure you’re carrying my fertile seed. And I know your dumb faith will not make you see the sense in aborting it. What do you think, a love-to-hate keep sake replacement from the scumbag who fucked up your life.
She’s quiet.
Taco: We can make it all end more agreeably. Tell me what I need to know and I’ll walk away; you’d never see me again.
Jane: You might as well kill me then.
Taco: Nah. Not going to let off a martyr to go singing in the clouds. Jane, you’re pushing my patience.
He bites into a handful of taco with bits of it splattering about the place.
Jane: She’s only five years old.
Taco (Barks with sudden intensity): I don’t give a shit! You should have thought about that before feeding her my diamonds! I want my money and I want it now! Where the fuck is she?!And you know it doesn’t make any difference what happens here tonight. I’d still find her; she’d still be cut open and you’d still live with the blood on your hands.
Jane (Emotionally): I told you I didn’t do it on purpose! Give me more time and I’d pay you off.
He lets off a rabid scream simultaneously kicking a chair to the ground. Without warning, her grabs her face and rams a blow into it. She topples over hitting her head hard to the bare ground. The chair she’s strung to catches her fall in an akward position; She stifles a pained cry.
Taco: Don’t you understand that I don’t have time either! The sharks are breathing down my neck. In a few more days I’d be staring lifeless at seaweed if I don’t come up with the loot. And don’t think you’d be let off, because they’d come for you too. How the heck could you allow a child swallow fifty million Dollars?!
Jane: (with equal fervor): How can you live with yourself killing a five year old for money!
Taco: There are ways to get it done. I have a guy who’s skilled at it. He’s worked with smugglers for years; she’ll have a sixty percent chance of surviving. Its better than nought.
Jane: You’ll never find her; you might as well kill me.
Taco (wipes a straying bead of sweat and motions at his accomplice girlfriend): Untie her legs, tie her hands to the table. I’m fucking horny, I need release.
Meryl: You’re going to fuck her- right in front of me?
Taco: You can wait outside; I won’t be long.
Meryl (hisses) You’re despicable. And you know if not for the money, I’d have left you long time ago.
She moves to do his bidding. Jane muffles screams through her trying to resist Meryl’s handling. In the process, a childish scream is heard from within the house, coming from the inner rafters of the ceiling. All three quietten. Taco smiles.
Jane (with loud urgency) Baby run!!!!Leave the house now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How to serve a woman a dose of literal thrill.

2010-07-26T23:18:00.000-07:00

This one’s for all of my blogger peeps who are going thru some rough patches right now. You know yourselves. Much Love from T.Notes! See,I’m really a nice guy when you get to know me.
I dedicate to ya’ll my old time fav song by The Corrs: Though u stumble on tomorrow and trip over today, everything’s gonna turn out just fine. We’ll do fine! (Just you wait). And an especially dedicated shoutout n prayer to my homegirl,nifty neefemi and trusty YankeeNaija whom i'm praying hasn't given up on me entirely!

So, as for me, when my days are in such a mess, I roll up my sleeves, squelch up my eyebrows and do some intense thrill writing, such as this! Enjoy.

Midday Saturday.
House 43,Osborne Foreshore close.
Jagun, clad only in denim boxer shorts, is outside sweating away trimming off rough garden edges. He notices up ahead a 2005 toyota matrix lumbering haphazardly down the street towards him. He recognizes the car, drops the garden shears and moves close to intercept the incomer. The car parks with a sharp jam of brakes and his now delirious wife spills out from the driver’s sit. He observes with horrified expression the badly cracked windshield with thick blood splattered across the stained glass.

Jagun: (Mutters as he nears her) What-the-fuck?!
He rushes to catch her fall out of the car. She appears badly shaken up and near hysteric.
Jagun: (With urgent concern,looking her over) Baby…are you ok?
Temi: Yes…yes…I think so. But he isn’t….(breaks into tears) he isn’t ok at all Jagun, he isn’t! We need to leave; we need to get out of here before they get to us.
Jagun(Confused) : Who’s they?
Temi: They’re coming after me. With matchet and rubber tyres and petrol. Where’s Semilore; we need to get her and leave now.
She disentangles herself from his grip and hurried chaotically into the house. Jagun takes one last shocked look at the damaged car then hurried in after her.
Jagun (with take-charge demeanor) Baby, I need to know what happened! Was it an accident, if then, we need to contact the police immediately.
Temi: (Walks about the room without clear direction) Yes…No…Yes… No, it wasn’t an accident. I saw him up ahead and I hit full throttle. I didn’t stop until I was staring at his jacked up skull from the other side of my windscreen.
Jagun stifles an apparent gasp.
Temi: …Then he got thrown over the hood of the car, landed some meters behind me.
Jagun: (Weakly) But it was an accident, wasn’t it?
Temi: No. I reversed, had to ensure. So I ran over him a few times till I was sure, then I speed off. And then the mob picked chase. They’re coming after me baby, we need to leave now.
She hurries into the room calling out for her two year old daughter.
Jagun: (Follows after her) She’s sleeping, don’t wake her up.
He finally catches up with her and reins her in with a firm grasp.
Jagun: You seriously need to calm down so we can sort this out rationally!
Temi: (Looking about madly) Yes yes. I’ll need some anti-depresants. Do we have any-lexotan, valium?
Jagun: (Firmly)No! You can’t any of those right now; I need you to stay wide awake and alert.
Temi: Ok ok, that’s true. Then fuck me baby. You know how you do me good-standing up from the rear. A quick one-we still have some five minutes to spare.
She pulls in close,arching towards him.
There’s an urgent bang on the front door, causing the two to jerk towards the sounds. Temi, with wide eyes.
Temi: OOOOOH GOD JAGUN, DO SOMETHING!
Jagun releases her with exasperation, then rushes into the room and return just as soon wielding a shotgun and a smaller pistol. He corks the shotgun and marches to the window.

My Absence ;-(

2010-07-25T23:56:00.000-07:00

I'M SUCH A NERVOUS WRECK!!!AGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!
HENCE,I CANNOT BLOG,CANNOT WORK,CANNOT STUDY...N ALSO MY APOLOGIES TO MY OFF-BLOGGER CONTACTS WHOM I'VE SUBSEQUENTLY NOT BEEN ABLE TO CONTACT ESPECIALLY SINCE THEY MOSTLY KNOW THE CAUSE OF MY NERVES RIGHT NOW!!!In particular:
YankeeNaija
Nifty Neefemi!
Musco My Main Man!

CAN THIS CUP NOT JUST PASS OVER ME?!!!I NEED TO PLAN,NEED TO KNOW WHAT THE NEXT MONTH HOLDS,NEED TO KNOW IF I'M REGISTERING FOR MY NEXT DIET OF PRO.EXAMS,NEED TO REST MY FAITH ON A HUGE CHUNK OF ICECUBES!!!!

PEOPLE OF BUGGERVILLE,OYA E JE KA GBADURA FUN T.NOTES!!!!
LOL. Don't be fooled,in real life, my yoruba sucks...as in majorly sucks, its an embarrassment!!!

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

Vuvuzelas For T.Notes Newbies!!!

2010-07-20T23:07:00.000-07:00

This wee post welcomes aboard every T.notes newbie!Yayyyy You!!!!

How you found your way to this deranged end of blogsphere,i could possibly never figure out!
N what possessed you to hit that "follow" button is entirely beyond me!

But nonetheless,because T.Notes WestEnd Theater is all about the audience,we're ushering right to the upper gallery velvet VIP chairs (you wan try?!)where you'd find this little presentation below waiting for you!!!

So,watcha think uh? *wink*wink*!

Some of you i know before like:
The Ever Classy Cricket (you gotta love)!P.S, Pay me girl,for the free publicity!
N some i wish i could spy your face like ChinnyUgoji and Tayo Ojelade.
N others just plain out rock -just because i say so-, i.e TechnicoleurGrl,young grumbler et all!
Oh yeah,n there's naija homegirl sisiyemmie whom i don't think i've sent a welcome note b4??

If i no include your name abeg no crucify me!

In summary, NO BI MISTAKE SAY I DEY ROCK THIS GBEDU!!!

P.S. If you think that's my picture,somebody needs to get your head out from under the rock! NO BI MISTAKE OOOO,EEEEEHHHHH!!!!

P.S Again. I just had this amazzzzzing idea on writing!!!Pay me to share!

P.S Again Again. I need to update a real post!

Whispers...

2010-07-09T07:00:00.000-07:00

Headphone Playing right now: Laureen Hill’s EX-Factor, Can’t take my eyes off you,…!!!!The Shizzle!!!!

Then I go off on a tangent….

TN: How old are you?
Dr I: Close to thirty.
TN (Nods): I’m fifty two, meaning I have surpassed your years of living by some thirty two. How much of life do you really think you can tutor me on?
Dr I (smiles): I have dedicated those seeming small years of mine to learning all there is to know about life. I’m certain I could let you in on a few- if you would let me in.
TN (Shifts slowly): Young ones. Were you around at the times of the war?
Dr: No. Was that a traumatic time for you?
TN: I was ten years old then. A ten year old huddled with his father, mother and two year old sister under a wooden table as bombs rained from the skies down onto our ramshackle villages. What were the odds that our then mud hut never got hit once?
Dr I: Some might say fate had other plans in store for you; you were not destined to die then. My job is to keep you alive another few years.
TN: The odds, If you’re unable to do the math, I will help you. Bombs dropped by the hour, say two every hour. They were strategic. You can model a poison distribution there and calculate the probability that an insignificant family would not be disintegrated in one day.
Dr I: I get your point.
TN: No you don’t. Life is like that sometimes, most times. The issues and the paining anxieties don’t let up. You’re done with one and just as soon, something else goes wrong. Makes you wonder if the ancient Greek pantheons aren’t still running things up there, having a field day testing just how much a man can take. How much can you take?
Dr I: I-
TN (Cuts her off): You loose your job, then somehow you survive- make it through, but before you’re done heaving a sigh of relief, you loose your child- the irony of what we’d give to take back what we lost. In the midst of your mourning, you sprain a bad knee, then you get a fat insurance reprieve, then something else goes wrong again. Missile after bomb after Missile, they were bent on wiping us out. It’s how they say, we wondered if God hadn’t tire of us.
Dr I: I understand.
TN: No you don’t. You don’t try to understand when life seeks to pull you apart and tear you down. You just hold on to your portion of that wooden table leg, dead quiet. Hoping that your muffled whimper would not attract the next air strike. How many tears have you cried in your days?
Dr I: We have all had our share of pain.
TN: Some more than the others. What if your next medical check up diagnosed you with cancer? Would your preppy skirts and cushy diagnosis still make any sense to you?
She’s quiet.
TN: Under that table…with my heart skipping a beat at the sound of every bomb that exploded, wondering if my friend Adjan’s hut hadn’t just been taken apart…the only consolation was within this.
He shows her his open palm.
TN: Circled in his, my father held my hands tight. Every now and then he would look my way, not say anything. He didn’t have to say a word, just be near, waiting under that table with me….waiting for life to either end or…
He stubbornly wipes a tear.
TN:Don’t diagnose me; don’t try to explain what I am going through. Don’t tell me you understand, don’t quote religious doctrines or another hopeful theme…If you are not God enough to turn the tyranny of my life’s tides, then just be there with me…wait with me…till this one bout of air strike is over. And if I cry, don’t be alarmed, tomorrow I promise I will be strong again….yes tomorrow.

She’s quiet, then drops her books and moves in close to reach out for his now frailing hands.

Silence.

Hope is…waiting for the Sun to shine again..someday…someday soon…Hope is.

9/7/10 n counting.

Soulcast is Gone?!!!WHAT?!!!Noooooooooooooooo!!!!

2010-07-08T04:40:00.000-07:00

www.soulcast.com (the Don-Chi Chi of all blog sites) is now showing "500 - Internal Server Error!!!!"
News is all over catch22 (Boring Wannabe Sister blogg site) and they seem to be mocking about it!
Nooooooooooooooooo!!!!!
No No Nooooooooooooo!!!!!
What is going on here?!!!!This is a joke right?!!!

Oh,oops false alarm! Its on now!!!Tee hee!!!

That begs the question. It happened to windows live blogging site. System seemed to have gone overload and it got shut down. Millions lost their blogs n contacts. Hmmm, what if blogger crashed???